Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
Gotta be ready when the urges sneak up.
Lets start living again!
I want to see myself make it to being a hobbit. Ever since I started this challenge I've never seen that hobbit signature under my name.
Been bingeing on PMO for the past 3 days. It is messing me up. Today watching the tennis on TV I immediately imagined everyone naked and couldn't stop thinking of it. And then walking back home I imagined all the people I walked past naked.
The scary thing is how it is a slippery slope and PMO quickly manipulates your desires and turns you into somebody you don't even recognise. In the space of 72 hours my values have changed completely because of the grip PMO has on me. I didn't feel guilty after PMOing this evening and that's the worst part. And I hid it from my mum this time (I told her about my recent slips last night).
And there's a girl who works at the swimming pool I go to who seems to be into me, and this evening I started getting hard thinking about her. But it's such a messed up way to think about somebody, because she's making an effort to see if I'm interested in her, and I just go home and masturbate to pictures of girls who look like her. That's what PMO is doing to me. It's pulling me away from the possibility of having a real relationship with a real woman who has needs and desires and hopes and dreams of her own, and instead keeps me hidden in the darkness in my room masturbating to pictures of women who make no demands on me.
I want to tell my mum that I slipped up this evening but I fear that it would push her over the edge, as she's beside herself with worry over my sister, who has gone out to meet a lesbian girl she met recently at a concert, and we reckon she's treating it as a date.
I feel incredibly relieved from all the pressure of my life in this moment. But it is a superficial kind of relief and I expect it will bite me on the arse very soon. The worst part is how PMO is changing my values. Things that used to disgust me are becoming normalised for me.
I think it would be too much for my mum if I told her tonight that I PMOd. I intend to tell her soon, once she's calmed down about my sister. In the meantime, I have just messaged a friend and asked him if he would be my accountability partner for 21 days. He said yes, so we're gonna have our first call tomorrow. I'm going to support him in his journey towards finding a partner and he's going to support me with getting into a better, healthier state of being by the end of these 21 days.
I have been a wreck for a long time and it's not a good look. It's duplicitous as I put on a facade of charisma and smiles at church but in secret I am a snake. Most of the time when I'm not jaded by PMO, my heart longs for an intimate relationship with another person - someone I can be honest with, vulnerable with, who I can share all my heart with. It's interesting how much I'm thinking about myself in this moment, rather than thinking about the other person, how I want to be there for her. I expect that's because of the way PMO has messed with me.
The best thing for me to do now is to get into a healthier state of mind and take a step towards finding a partner, to build a relationship with a real woman. That's what I need in order to grow into the man I want to be. At this point I am "still a baby on my mother's bended knee", to quote the song "Have Mercy" by The Other Favorites. It's time for me to grow up and stop whinging like a little boy.
Mixed feelings today; I’ve been very tired after staying up cleaning my flat, and had to spend a few hours today moving my belongings to my new home. This left me feeling quite vulnerable and insecure, leading me to feel overly-sensitive about workplace banter; I was very good friends with my old flatmate and his fiancé and I’ll miss their constant company, and while I don’t know my new housemate as well he’s a lovely guy and I hope to get to know him better.
Despite my low mood I didn’t have to face any urges today, instead I was motivated to treat this as the new start I need. Gym first thing tomorrow, finish unpacking, and then travelling to a family wedding - step by step journeying closer towards the man God is shaping me into.
Incredible! I've been watching you post for a long time. Congrats!
Day 6 - orc
palindrome ( 181 )
Congratulations on a tremendous accomplishment, @MS PBH!
Really vulnerable and impactful post, @zusya.
Despite how it feels sometimes, what we are doing (or trying our best to do) here does matter. Thanks fellowship.
Day 3 complete!
@MS PBH You're a White Wizard now! Thank you for providing an example for us to follow!
@zusya I'm really impressed and inspired by your commitment to improve your life even when it's so difficult. Do you have any way to physically limit your access to porn? The desire to get rid of it is half the battle.
Spent a good chunk of the day hauling boxes of books. That's a pretty decent way to avoid urges.
St. Moses the Black, pray for us!
@MS PBH great job brother! For ever free is our goal!
@zusya thank you for your post, I wish you the best of luck on your path, start in small steps . I don’t know all the backstory but I don’t think that a female person that loves you is a best person to share your PMO problems. I tried sharing it with my wife and as you said about your mother, it seemed too much for her. The amount of emotions involved didn’t help me. Maybe try keeping it to the guy you messaged or your father if he’s there.
Day 22 complete
still strugling not to look at womens bodies. It’s hard but there is some improvement. Other urges are controllable.
Amazing bro!! Major respect!
Day 14 - Uruk-Hai, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr
Day 17 as a Hobbit complete!
Feeling good, feeling great. No major urges experienced.
"Today, I am choosing to think thoughts that serve me well."
Day 05...(1 July 2022)..
Day 494 no PMO.
Checking in for day 33
Thank You Brothers. I want you to hug all of you but we are very far from each other. A beautiful journey with these beautiful people, i will miss all of you and your beautiful and encouraging posts.
I wanted to write my journey with suggestions but i am not able to write english words in good sentences. Sorry brothers forgive my mistakes.
Thank you brothers especially @RiseToGreatness making this journey from impossible to possible.