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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
Early check in Day1 - Change comes from changin your behaviour!
54 (22 hard mode) days complete
My wife was sad throughout this whole hard mode streak because she feels like I don't love her. And I am tired of that. She wants me to change my behaviour, I also want to change my behaviour, but there is no help coming from her. I slept too little and now I want pleasures. I am too busy to have them and they would cost me a lot. I am just going to move on with my day
25 days – You try to pass through Caradhras but the PMO forces were strong there. You make a detour to the Dwarven Realm of Moria.
Feeling invincible Now the part of the streak starts were I become a bit bipolar where the "up" times become longer and longer and the "down" times become shorter and shorter.
If I make it a few more weeks the next phase starts which just consists of incredible urges for weeks.
So far I have never overcome that phase but we all have that dream or hope that this is the final streak in which we gonna make it.
Good luck fellowship, just take one step at a time
I don't know about your situation enough to give any real advice, but I would really suggest going to the Reaboot in Relationship subForm. Understanding your wife more would help both of you I hope.
@RiseToGreatness I have porn blocker, but unfortunately there is no way to make them 100%, and when all I really crave is just text, it is almost impossible.
And about running, there is just one advice that I remember that really changed the way I run and help me avoid hurting myself. Remember that there is a huge split between the motivation to go out and start a run (putting shoes on and getting out of the door), and the motivation to keep running after you started the run. And while you want to be a better version of yourself and see the first as taking a cold shower. The second can really hurt you. There is no shame in stopping mid run and walk a little or going out to run 10k but stopping after 3k. I would even suggest that every once in a while try running without headphones, just to make it easier to listen to your body. At its core, running is fun, so as long as you feel good, keep doing it. But If it's not "fun" (after you really started) it's your body's way of warning you before an injury.
Day was good, but I procrastinated a lot.
I have strong urges, but I won't let them ruin my life, I know that there is no place for porn in my great future.
I want to travel to new countries, meet new people, doing a lot of cool stuff like diving in the ocean or skydiving or a lot of other great things.
I want to be great husband, a good friend, I want to enjoy life.
And actually there just no way that I can watch porn and do this stuff.
Day 16 no PMO. 1st day back from vacation went on. I was a little down during the work day but my spirits lifted in the evening. Spent most of the night moving my dad from a rehabilitation facility back to the hospital. It was actually an awful experience but it was a good reminder that my life is pretty darn good when I compare it to other people. Focus on the positive and we will all get through this!
Dawn of the 22nd day.
Checking in Fellowship Friends!
21 Days Free of PMO.
Slowly but surely as the days go by I'm feeling better from the Vertigo, as I mentioned I believe I found the culprit. I just have regular dizziness left and cannot stay too long on a screen, which makes work very troublesome. We press on.
Same recipe today, workout, meditation, exposure , reading and work.
Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind. -Aristotle
@SSS Vision I can't imagine what that is like, perhaps trying marriage counselling could help ? If that is in your means and interest of both of you.
@CALM IN SUFFERING What about trying Karezza with your wife? (Non-ejaculatory sex)
thank you ma man
thank you brave Warrior
that´s the thing with hardmode, if used wrongly it can hurt the relationship, but if used correctly it can strengthen it. you´re doing hardmode for yourself (and indirectly for your significant others) but don´t stay idle during this time, bro. it will be damaging.
on the contrary, strenghten your relationship! hardmode is a great way to boost the relationship because with sex out of the way, you can profit this time to deepen your relationship to a new level and improve your skills as a husband. so, get to know your wife better. what´s her favorite colour? hobbies? food? perfume? goals? fears? use this time to really know her! and vice-versa.
and be romantic! go on a date with her, buy her gifts, surprise her... there´s so much stuff to do!
and if in the current time, there´s an irritation among you, that´s the first thing you should attend: make peace. but don´t go to her without making peace with yourself first. first calm yourself, focus, and then do what you got to do.
i hope this helps.
thank you from the heart ma man
my dear brother, i strongly disapprove the use of Karezza . let me explain, we all know the benefits of hardmode during a reboot, no need to point them out. but one of the main reasons is to give the brain a rest from the constant sexual stimulations, to help the rewiring of the brain.
if we engage in karezza we are still flooding our brain with sexual based dopamine, which is something we are preventing, to even the levels of dopamine with other kinds of activities. with karezza, sex is still in the front row. and therefore the tendency to indulge in it, and eventually keep getting attracted to sexual dopamine rushs (chaser).
plus, with karezza the coping skill of sexual mastery gets washed away because we are still engaging in sex.
therefore, going full celibate for a given amount of time is better, and the required task at hand
of course, one can engage in mild romance, like kisses and hugs. on that level, that´s ok
Checking in Fellowship!!
Thank you so much for your kind advices. i wake up a bit early today to start running, but my body felt the difference, and i woke up so tired, that i immediatly dismiss the idea . so, i´m gonna let my body get used to the new wake up schedule, and on wednesday i will try to run
like i said, i´m feeling physically very broken, like a 90 years old, withdrawal is hitting me hard, however my mood is good. i´m trying to do all my chores, just following the principle "one thing at a time", that way my body doesn´t hurt so much
no urges or temptations, still in flatline.
nothing more to add brave Fellowship! here´s a nice newsletter that i receive from Mark Queppet today. Have a great day!
"Do not read this unless you want to kill your most poisonous excuse:
If you're tired of falling for your own self-sabotaging BS, then the following story holds the key to your success:
I was running a mentoring call in the Self-Mastery Club the other day when one of our regular participants who, in his own words "NEVER felt loved" in his whole life, came on live to chat with me.
I don't know all the details of his situation, but it sounds like neither mom, nor dad, nor anyone else ever gave him the kind of unconditional love and support that many of us are blessed with at least to SOME extent.
Not surprisingly, he medicated this heartache with porn.
Sadly, this porn habit has morphed into a rather nasty addiction that's sucking away his time and energy, screwing up his sexuality with an escalated fetish, and filling him with a tremendous amount of self-loathing.
On the call, he told me:
"I hate myself... I hate how I behave... all the time... I'm so disgusted with myself over so many of the things I've done... I hate it... I'm so embarrassed... I really feel that a lot."
He truly thought he was a bad person.
I then go on to confirm my suspicion that this self-loathing is the root of his escapism.
Basically, he feels terrible about who he is, seeks to escape the experience of himself via porn, but then afterwards, ends up hating himself even MORE... which just drives him harder into porn.
I know first hand how that escapism spiral game goes...
But I ALSO know powerful of an EXCUSE self-loathing is.
You see, with self-loathing, not only do you get to claim a sense of justice (by hating yourself for doing bad things)... you ALSO find the perfect rationalization as to why you don't need to do the hard work of self-improvement.
Think about it - if you really believe you're bad... then you deserve to be punished, NOT successful and happy.
This simultaneously justifies your self-sabotage AND removes the obligation to make things better.
So I asked him a question:
"If you were to take a truly horrible person, I'm talking about a genuine scumbag... how much remorse and guilt do think such a person feels over doing bad things?"
Me: "And how much guilt do YOU feel when you do bad things?"
Him: "A mountain"
I pointed out to him that clearly there's something different between him and the true scumbag - he has a conscience, a true interior goodness... it's just that his actions are not aligning with those interior morals and that's why he's suffering.
We went back and forth for a little while drilling into his situation, but the main takeaway at the end was this major mindset shift:
He typically would confront his own shortcomings with the narrative of "I did something bad, therefore I'm a piece of shit" (which would then trigger that escapism spiral I laid out earlier here).
He realized that he needed to shift that to "I behaved shittily... but I'm NOT a piece of shit - I'm inherently good and I simply need to act in alignment with that truth" and then lean upon the presence of his own guilty conscience as proof of this.
What would it look like if YOU adopted this attitude?
What if you were to hold firmly to your inherent dignity rather than looking at all your shortcomings and flaws?
If you were grounded in your own sense of inner goodness... how many of your regular actions would be BENEATH your dignity?
It can be a painful thing to look at... but that's the pain of being a good person in a fallen world!
Learning how to use the pain of undignified behavior to fuel productive action is one of the fundamental skills EVERY man should master... but doing this can be challenging.
This is why I run the Self-Mastery Club, to help men transform from self-loathing self-saboteurs to dignified titans who are on a warpath of righteousness.
If that sounds interesting to you, then check out the Self-Mastery Club today and get:
A system that will turn the process of quitting porn into a rite of passage that will clean your soul and help you find your fundamental source of personal power
Advanced strategies for organizing your energy and focus so that you never burn yourself out and ALWAYS make progress... no matter WHAT life throws at you
A crew of men who will hold you accountable, but also offer you the support and encouragement you need to really take charge of your life
A method for quitting or building ANY habit in just a few minutes a day, that works even for the most INTENSE personal changes
But this really all starts with you deciding who you are.
Will you let your shortcomings define you?
Will you use them as fuel to double down on becoming a man you admire?
If you choose the latter, the Self-Mastery Club is here to help you turn that decision into concrete reality.
Watch this training to see if the Self-Mastery Club is right for you:
Manhood Mastery: 3 Keys to Neuromasculine Training
Check in day 4
Low urges yesterday, worked almost all the day. Planning to hang out with friends this friday, so that motivates me to matain me clean.
Worked out and took a cold shower.
Keep strong my brothers.
Day 1 - Hobbit - The Shire, Buckland
Day 362. I might take a decision that will change my life soon. Please pray for me.
God's will be made.