The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 30 no PMO. Night one of being away from my wife was a success. I went to dinner with a buddy and then we sat outside the hotel until late. Went to the room and stayed off the phone and went to sleep. It felt good to be in control. This morning I went for a walk to find coffee and now I’m sitting in a park doing my normal morning routine. You guys have a great day.

 

How was it?
Btw, was it in German and how is your German?

 

Once again resetting. Have been slacking off and due to sever holiday destinations failed to checkin regularly.

Day - 0, once more.

I may be slacking but im never ever giving up on this!

 

Hi, I've started to use AppBlock for Android.

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

35 Days Free of PMO.

Some disturbed sleep again last night, 3 hour chunks both days between around 1 and 4..stress is elevated today and so is my irritability. Urges were stronger, I still didn't give in but I really need to sleep tonight..it messes up my entire plan. I may try to nap a bit later because I have an important meeting today..and I want to be on my best leg and as I feel right now, well.. not the best.

I'm also concerned because for the next 8 days I'll be on my own at home. I do have blockers in place, that are password protected, but, there is always a concern. I want to make sure I grow from those next 8 days and keep to the path..I know it will be challenging so I ask for your support my friends. I will redouble my studies of stoicism as well.

Apart from that, I won't be doing exposure today. Just reading meditation and work. Got a nice stretch and short workout in already, just to get the blood flowing.

Stay Strong!

35 days Moria, the greatest Dwarven Kingdom, is before you. With a beard and a axe, you´re a Dwarf now.

 

The meeting was horrible, but in a good way. I think. It’s kind of an extreme wake up call. We were 8 men, 3 of them didn’t speak any English but they still tried to do about half of the meeting in english. Even after a year in Berlin I still don’t know any German, but they were really nice about it. It started by explaining what SE is, and how is SE define addiction and “healty sexuallty” They asked me to introduce myself and told me some of their stories. And then we went over a little bit about the 12 steps program. After that people took turns sharing their experiences from the past days, and giving advice to each other (I understand about half of the stuff that happened there). It’s kind of terrifying. Prostitution is legal in germany and it sounds like they all had long history of adiction to that aswell. Also to sit in a room and hear a man talk about having “illegal porn” in his house and that he was afraid the police would find out. Hearing people tell me that it took them 15 years to quit porn and how they lost their wife, kids and job in that time period. I don't feel like I’m better than them. Just younger. I’m 30 years old, and in the 3 years of my reabot journey I never made it one month free of porn. And I am truly afraid.

 

Thank lot for your advice . I think I must focus one thing at a time instead of multitasking. After your advice , I remembered My old school teacher . He was a friendly teacher and he gave me lot of advices........Old memories are so sweet

 

Thanks brother .....

 

Day 16 – Touched by your bravery, the gentle Elves of Rivendell give you an elven cloak. The cloak has a hood and is fastened by a green brooch. It acts as camouflage when PMO units are around.

The usual & taking it slow today. I was wrong again. One attractive woman was there again at the gym...lol. Then more came because the new crowd started showing up.

And don't do it (You know what). Your not yourself when it happens. Just as Smeagol or you end up like him. Maybe similar to Bilbo Baggins. Fight!
Keep on Fellowship!

 

Day 111.
Yeah Palindrome....

Brother , How was your Wedding Day...

 

WOW, thanks for sharing it brother

 

Check in day 18

 

Checking in day 276.

 

Day 37 / 1000. Last try.

Sadly, I am very close to relapsing. Problem of second half of August continues. In general I would describe this day as nonsense, so addiction tries to convince me that who cares if I pmo, or not - "it wouldn't make this day even more nonsense". Which is of course a lie. But I'll try sticking to the protocol. Writing is the least I can do. If it helps - fantastic - if not, I tried something. I feel negative, but I am not sure what specifically. I am pretty sure it's just addiction trying to make pmo seem like everything and anything else like grey grind.

I don't know, maybe this is a false alarm, because if it really was a problem, I wouldn't write here - I would be "fishing" right now. But there also were times, when I finished writing and went pmo'ing. So, have to be careful. I am attacked all day - it's not a good sign, anyway. I have to remember that this is my last try, there won't be any more chances to have a "nice streak", like the chances before.



Previously 08.01. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.02. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.03. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.04. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.05. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.06. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.07. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.08. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.09. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.10. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.11. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.12. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.13. 0 pmo. ------ This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.14. 2 pmo in 2020. This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.15. 2 pmo in 2020. This year (2022) - 0 pmo.
Previously 08.16. 1 pmo in 2021.
Previously 08.17. 2 pmo in 2021.
Previously 08.18. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.19. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.20. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.21. 2 pmo in 2020.
Previously 08.22. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.23. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.24. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.25. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.26. 0 pmo.
Previously 08.27. 1 pmo in 2020.
Previously 08.28. 3 pmo in 2020.
Previously 08.29. 5 pmo in 2021.
Previously 08.30. 1 pmo in 2020.
Previously 08.31. 1 pmo in 2020.

Spoiler: Journey stuff

{, , , ,,}

Stuff that should help to not pmo:
1. No internet for recreational purposes until 6 pm.
2. Waking up on the same time every day.

 

You promised that we'll climb the mountain together. So, it makes sense that we are tested at the same time. I don't know how to support you. Because when we are in real trouble, nothing much can reach. I, personally, am trying to be optimistic as much as my nature allows me to. I am looking at this as an opportunity to grow, to become stronger and to show addiction it's place. Helps a little bit.

 

Day 228

Feeling much better today! After yesterday’s mistake I feel a stronger resolve against lust, and I’ve managed to keep it in check all day.

 

Day 4 check in. Days PMO-free in 2022: 219 out of 228.

Was with the family all day yesterday at an amusement park and didn't check in. But I am doing well so far on this new streak.

 

Day 375

Day 376. Bad day