Day 37 Making it through yesterday without acting out was nothing short of a miracle. I can not believe I made it through. I don’t know how many times I had hugely powerful images pop into my head. I wanted to pmo so badly 100s of times yesterday. But I did not. I think yesterday was the perfect storm. I was exhausted, I had talked to my abusive father the night before. He did not do anything abusive. But I have noticed being around him or talking to him leads to lots of temptations after. I don’t think I feel safe around him. I did some meditation on my past with him. I think some stuff healed. I don’t really have any positive memories of him as a child. Distance, felt like he did not care and that I was a burden to him. Thank you @Gallade_Templar for reminding me that God delights in me and telling me that story about how much, That really helped. I have also been avoiding doing my orientations for my new job starting mid next week. That is causing stress. I can’t be hard on myself. I worked 14 days straight 12 hour days with 45 minute bus ride each way in the middle of nowhere. A highly stressful job. Making it through yesterday was the hardest thing I ever did. I have done some very difficult things but that one took the cake. Praise God I made it through. I should give myself some credit too. I have worked very hard to get myself to this point, with the help of Gods grace to be able to get through such a trial. I recently saw a meme about guardian angels cheering when we fight off temptations. I wish I could find it. Haha It was quite funny and I don’t remember it enough to explain it. At the end of the day I pictured all of heaven rooting and cheering for me to get through the temptations on my drive home from a friends place. I am sure God, my guardian angel, my favourite saints, all the angels and saints were cheering so loud when I made it through yesterday. Yesterday was one hell of a battle. I am doing better this morning it seams. Feeling worn down. Going to go get a nice coffee to treat myself for getting through yesterday. Then I am going to get my stuff done for my new job. Then I am going to read. I think I will start Reading Lord of the Rings!