The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Check in day 24

 

I can't use dating apps. It is a trigger for me. Every time I use them I relapse. Scrolling through pictures of girls to try and date is too similar to porn.

 

Sorry for that, I forgot to mention a warning in that message.

 

On August the 16th I fell down, so now, 5 days later, I'm in Bree again.
I will beat my last streak, that's for sure. In the end of the week I'll have 10 days full and I'll reward myself with going out at night, maybe just by myself and have dinner at some nice restaurant or so.

Other than that, I want to emphasize that I need to abstain from all kind of fantasies, psubs and obviously edging / masturbating.
I think I can get better only by avoiding porn. But I will not really leave it behind me, as long as I don't do the full reboot and learn to deal with urges, triggers and in the end porn itself.

 

Checking in day 282.

 

Day 233

Very little to speak of if I’m honest! Urges weren’t a problem and work kept me busy, still just navigating people talking about my relationship status but it’s not getting to me!

 

day 23 - No O
day 4 - No P/M
day 1 - No Psub

Getting ready to go to work now, I'm determined to turn off my phone before I go home so that I can quickly go to bed after I get home

 

Day 234

No urges today, but more conversations about relationships. So far it’s not getting to me but it’s beginning to seem like people are making assumptions about my that aren’t correct; my friends know the reality of things so I don’t have a great deal to worry about, but I don’t want this to become a trigger.

 

Day 1 check in. Days PMO-free in 2022: 223 out of 234.

Thanks everyone--being here helps, even during the low times.

 

46 days – Lady Galadriel, Princess of the Ñoldor, gives you a bow such as the Galadhrim used. Among the best bows of Middle Earth, the bow was longer and stouter than the bows of Mirkwood and it was strung with a string of elf-hair.

Quest Item – Bow of the Galadhrim

 

Day 3 - Hobbit, Bucklebury Ferry, The Shire

 

Day 8

Some parts of life are really improving while others are starting to fall apart.
For the past two days I started “focusing” too much on the dick in the sower and almost started M (I never used to do it) the first time I was shocked and stopped it, but yesterday I did it again and I was like “what the hell am I going to do”, and then I realize that the answer is right there, and I turned the water all the way down and continue the shower in ice water… It worked.
I had another SA meeting last night, it is still weird but it is still the right thing to do.

The hard part is that my relationship with my wife is becoming very unstable. All these years she kind of tried to distance herself from my addiction and me going to SA meetings is making her confront it in a really hard way (plus we do have a lot of history good and bad in our almost 9 years together). Last night we had a really bad fight. The question of “if we would even make it” got tossed around. And in the long dark silence I could not stop picturing us separating, and how my first action would get as high as possible (I haven’t smoked in years, but the craving is still there) and how my second and third actions would be to PMO until my dick would fall off and to go to a brothel. I never even considered going to one in the past but from the moment I heard about how it’s legal in Berlin, and hearing the other members of the SA meeting talking about it, it just became part of my self-destruction fantasy, and I don’t know what to do.

On top of that I just feel like I’m just overwhelmed with everything in my life, I need to improve myself on so many different things at the same time and I feel like I just don’t have enough time to do it. I woke up 30 minutes earlier so I could have time to write this post and to write to my AP and I still don’t even have enough time to read what everyone has written (I try to read it all in like bathroom brakes, but then I have a phone with me in the bathroom). but I also didn’t sleep well due to the fight and at the same time I feel overwhelmed by trying to be good at my new job, doing reboot tasks, learning German and just trying to live my life.

 

Checking in,

2nd day in the new city, all good. Trying to find a new apartments, it's challenging.
Cold shower + Wim Hof, is really a great way to start the day and I feel that I have less stress during the day
thanks to this breathing method.

 

Day 23

Keep on fighting. Keep on Fellowship!

 

Day 2 no PMO. I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed with my life right now. It’s that feeling where there is so much you need to do but you just don’t know where to start. I keep praying for god to calm me down and take control but so far I’m still really stressed.

 

I totally forgot about this but I came across this and having temptations. I remember this Spongebob episode. This is me LOL.
I'm resisting though. No I haven't relapsed.