The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Goodluck with your new life

 

Day 9

So far so good. Today for the first time in my adult life I forgot my phone at home before going to work, so while it was super boring to sit in the subway without headphones… I know that I won’t have any way to PMO today at work, and that is just fun to have this fear removed from my head.

**trigger warning**
Yesterday I heard an amazing episode of a Reboot podcast called “Consider before Consuming”. So if you are ready to feel kind of disgusted with yourself and want to cry a little bit (at least that was my feeling after listening to this episode) I really recommend it.

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1KEgfVIhJ6ZiLdTqXIxdev?si=e7edf7e67494421a

They interview a woman who was a victim of the “GirlsDoPorn” channel. For those who don’t know, it was a really popular channel for “armature” girls. And I used to watch it all the time. It was later discovered that it was a huge sex traffic operation and that the happy 1 hour video that want public was a part of a 12 or sometimes 24 hours of a rape sessions that was just edited really well. The man behind “GirlsDoPorn” was just sentenced for 20 years in prison for rape and Sex trafficking.

I’ve always told myself that the most “high level” porn was fine, because the girls get paid well over there, and that the most “armature” was also fine because it’s just "fun" and people love to show themselves. But the more I hear about what happened behind the scenes, the more I feel sick for supporting this. There is something just sick about the fact that I’ve seen and even bookmarked rape videos.

 

Day 36 no PMO. Headed out of town today for a three night trip on my own. I have relapsed on this trip in the past but I’m hoping that my new commitment to “this actually doesn’t make me feel better… it makes me feel worse” will get me through. I’ll likely feel alone, isolated and unloved on this trip and want to use PMO to comfort myself but it’s a trap. PMO will make me feel more alone, more isolated and more unloved. Just need to be able to remember that in the moment.

 

My message below may be little triggering

Indeed thats something shocking
also to add an extra point, 40% of porn in the big porn industry is none other than a rape, they are forced, beaten with metal chains, and the practice of injecting drugs into the actor so that he/she does anything which they are instructed for is very much common over their.
This animal industry injects cocaine in their private parts (of gls) so that .........

few days before I witnessed a incident where a 11th grade college girl was leaving the school, some 2-3 man tried kidnapping her but thankfully a person noticed them and he removed his camera to witness what is happening and uploaded the incident in youtube afterwards. So they kidnapped her, taken her to an unpopulated area and injected a drug injection to her and when she got drunked, they almost started seducing her with their shooting cameras ON but the person which saw them got in the show and that innocent girl was saved.
When we are watching that thing, we don't even have a single consciousness about whats the back activity about it, in today's world, when the culprits of rape case are interrogated, it is found that 90% of these people got inspired by some violent porn and tried to do it in real life. The data which I had said is real, so this is the back story..... Have many more things to say.... but only one thing at the moment, we have to realize this, we are indirectly promoting to seduce some innocent girls even more. So sad reality That's one of the strongest reason we have to leave this impurity

 

Thanks for the Info Arceus.
Thats more motivating energy to leave this shit behind for good.
We can't continue to indirectly supporting those beasts.

Do you know in which country that attempted kidnapping happened?

 

Missed my check in yesterday morning. It was day 1. Will be at day 2 at 9:30.

1 day - At Buckland, Bilbo gives you Sting - an Elven short-sword made in Gondolin. It will turn blue when porn forces are around

I want a good streak again. A few days before my relapse at my 41 day streak the starbucks cashier remembered my name. I had ordered from a different girl. I said oh cool. You remembered. Then she said. "How could I forget?" I had never had that happen. The girl at an a and w drive through window was eyeing me up big time and was flirting with me. This type of stuff has never happened to me. The eye contact I was making was incredible. I was not taking any crap from anybody. My confidence was through the roof. I need to remember these things in times of temptation. The life without pmo is so amazing.

 

Day 418

Yesterday I was depressed, today my life changes towards the man I want to be

Thank you Father!

 

Although, its happening everywhere, the one I referred to was from my home country and near my district, India.

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

76 Days Free of PMO.

Feeling sore from workouts, also not the greatest sleep but not the worst. I've been relatively calm, with only mild anxiety in the morning. I find that my body will scan automatically when its sore and heighten my anxiety, this is something that I am working on counteracting. Urges have been none existent for the past couple of days, despite the mild bouts of anxiety. I believe the work is coming to fruition, although I will remain vigilant.

Today is a more or less rest day, apart from work and some reading.

Stay strong!


@kaerhal Welcome back brother! I know what you mean, when we relapse it's like putting our hand back in the void and it pulls us in with unrelenting force. We are addicts, at the end of the day. I think the deep work with figuring out what leads us to any form of addiction, is key in really conquering it. It is tremendously difficult to do, so do not be hard on yourself. Gradual steps, you can do this.

@daddyG1981 Welcome to the fellowship!


@SSS Vision My pleasure brother, take your time and don't pressure yourself. There is a lot of things to tackle, one thing at a time, at your own pace. Try your best and remember , there is no judgment here. Only fellowship!

 

Thank brother

 

Day 152
Keep going forward

Let's do it

 

Welcome back brother. Happy to have you back.

 

2 days. Feeling good. Not struggling much. I am over 90 days without a drink. There really is something to this 90 days and habits thing. The idea of drinking just does not sound that interesting to me. Really good motivation to make it to 90 days with no pmo.

 

On day 2 now that I get this counter set up. Onwards and upwards I guess.
Feeling ok. Think the longest I’ve gone in the past is 30ish days. I know after a few days things will really kick in and I’ll be in a fight with myself.

 

Day 6

I'm still very much on the edge and I'm not content with my behavior. I think I can do better!
I'm taking into focus the four days and after that it's important to take the long weekend into focus (beforehand!) which will be quite different than my workweek and has its own potential triggers.

I have a lot to do these days, but that's on another page. This is about recovery. I want to make a little pledge to channel my powers and recommit.

Generell reminders:

1. past is past. Relapses, flashbacks, recent urges - it all belongs to the past and it doesn't matter anymore. Focus on the HERE and the NOW
2. Label urges and stupid ideas and don't follow them. Techniques:
   
   • replace bad thoughts with good thoughts
   • let urges and bad feelings pass by, if there are strong urges, surf it
   • feel good for being good - you can do it and you deserve to feel good about it
   • whatever it is: it shall pass

Personal recommitment:

1. I'm responsible for my actions
2. Until the weekend, I will not relapse
3. I will not follow misleading thoughts, I will not entertain sexual ideas
4. I will not touch myself, I will not stimulate myself
5. If I'm aroused, there is no problem. I'll just focus on the next activity and it will be gone

I'm noticing this gets much deeper as I'm writing it down. So this first part is just about the following days - a promise to stay clean until I check in on Friday.
The second part is more general. I'll post that in a seperate post.

 

SECOND PART -- ACTIVE RECOVERY

I need to take my recovery more serious and I need to understand what I'm doing. It's not new to me, I know the basics and all but there's so much I need to process. It's called 'recovery process' after all.

Internet devices

My devices are important tools for me but also the biggest triggers - I need to deal with these urges and transform them. I need to reboot my (internet, media, browsing) behavior!

• Transform urge to use internet or browser or opportunity for acting-out into positive thought about what I can do with the given tool and to what good end --> goals and visions
  
• Transform fear of not being able to use internet like a normal person into believing im myself and seeing my potential as well as a vision of a better (normalized) future
  
• Transform automatic thoughts and reflexes of addiction into calmness --> stopping and looking deeply

​

More important points

1. Recovery comes first!
   
2. I'm quitting, I'm not using (this is my motto). I've had enough porn. I can't handle it. I'm in the process of unlearning. I'm unlearning this bad habit. I let it go. I may miss it, from time to time. But it's not for me. I'm not using. I quit.
3. Use tools! (I already have'em )
   
4. I say goodbye to it. Goodbye porn! (guess I should repeat this from time to time)

And last but not least: a powerful tool that I learned from a Buddhist nun, for your guys
It's about transformation. It's possible to actively replace our bad thoughts with good thoughts - even thoughts that have not arisen yet (think about it!).

4 principles:

1. Not letting arise an unhealthy thought, that hasn't arisen yet
2. Not following an unhealthy thought, that has already arisen
3. Letting arise an healthy thought, that hasn't arisen yet
4. Following an healthy thought, that has already arisen

And the one main principle: Recognize. Don't critisize. Change.

 

Day 0 - You decide to destroy the porn ring! You´re a Hobbit now. You must take the ring to the place where he was made, Mount Doom. You left Hobbiton heading for Bree.

Details explains in my journal. That was hard to get out of. Now I will brush it off and move on. Let's go. At least this wasn't every other 3-6 days of relapse. I know I am strong enough to do more.

Just as Galadriel said "One by one it will destroy them all." I firmly believe if each member of the Fellowship were to do it and throw it in the fires of Mount Doom. None of them will pass.

@LuckyMan I'm not strong enough but I will help you & keep reminding you to destroy your PMO ring brother
@RiseToGreatness Welcome back!

I know I can do this.
Keep on going Fellowship!

 

Good that you did!
Have a good fresh start and an adventurous Journey!

 

Day 3

Motivation is strong once again. Went on a second date this evening and I found it much easier to control myself compared to my last relationship; I’m specifically referring to my verbal communication, as previously if the conversation slowed I’d just compliment her but eventually this led to compliments becoming empty. The date went well!

Urges are still around from my recent binge, but I’m not as appealed to them. I hope this mentality sticks for the foreseeable future.