The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

95 Days Free of PMO.

Slight disturbed sleep last night and a gloomy day outside today. The intention remains though, meditation, exposure, workout, reading and rest.

Enjoy your weekend!

Stay Strong!

95 days – After knowing the seduction of their leader to porn, the Istari nominate you as their Chief Wizard. You receive a new staff, fashioned from an upturned sapling with a blue crystal embedded in the crown. The staff possesses magical healing abilities. It will help you regain strength and fight for the next 85 days.

Quest Magic – Wizard´s Staff

@ARCEUS Take your time brother, but please do your best no to binge while you are away and build accountability through a trusted friend or family member.

@Percy_Jackson+ Welcome to the Fellowship!

@Talz @Gallade_Templar @CALM IN SUFFERING Brothers, I know it's difficult in the cycle of a relapse but remember the only thing that can make it even worse is giving in to binging. You become upset with yourself and try to numb it with more PMO, thus creating a vicious cycle. Use that frustration constructively. Analyze your relapse, replay the events that lead you there. Rekindle your why, cost/benefit analysis of PMO free vs using PMO. Have patience with yourself, be kind and do not give up. Redirect your energies, break the cycle.

@Repression Hey brother, sorry to hear about the relapse. Unfortunately in this challenge MO is a complete reset. You can keep a separate counter available to you for days free of porn, but in this challenge you would have to start off from day 0.

 

Relapsed yesterday
Yesterday I notice that I didn't continue some habits that help me with this, I used social networks and used to much time my phone. I stopped watching nofap related videos. So starting to do again these good habits.

The last 2 relapses that I had started to search scorts services and I started to talk about prices with the prostitues, but after that I start to watch porn instead. I'm afraid becouse if I continue with this behavior it's too problable that I will ask for the service, something that I have never done and I don't want to do it.

I'm starting to have procastination problems, I have my main work and I have some side proyects. The deadlines of the side proyects are starting to coming soon and I have to accept that I'm a litle late.

Looking the problems that this addiction bring to my life it's something that always help me.

I din't worked out today, I have to much work for today but I will take a cold shower at least.
Keep strong my brothers.

 

Day 20

I fell under heavy fire from the Eye of Sauron. I was forced out into the heat of his gaze for too long today. Now my head aches and I Feel overheated. Still my good friend Pippin pulled me back into the forest before I could be drawn to hand the ring over to the enemy. We must forge forwards and destroy the ring!

 

Day 32 checking in!

Have successfully controlled myself and not watched Porn for more than 30 Days!
I'm so happy!!
I'll try to check in daily. Real life has been hectic at work this last week. and when i'm home i just have enough time to follow my disciplines i barley turned my pc on the last 2 weeks at home if it wasn't weekend.
But that has helped me alot!
I feel way more confident and strong without filling my mind with those fake images.

- Woke up at 5.30
- Cold bath's
- Yoga and breathing exercises.
- meditation
- Upper/lowerbody workout in evening.
- Finished reading a book Greek Mythology and going for the next one.
- no watching youtube
- It course studies

Everything was also accomplished today again thanks to God and my own determination.

My main struggle the youtube addiction has been going well too, thanks to the busy spree at work it helped me to add some miles between it and my own purposeful tasks.
its this weekend and onward that will be the moment of truth for everything normalized at work and i have more free time, But i am confident, i feel after all this days, just like with porn a window of time before the auto pilot triggers have been formed allowing me to choose consciously what to do.

In the end everything is up to the habits we form friends.
Due to this we keep going back like clockwork.
Do not give in when the urge comes, resist, show force and control yourself, soon it will lay-down death at your feet and you will be a victorious warrior in control of yourself.

I'm on the way to Moria, 2 more days and i'll reach the gates of Durin.

148 days left to reach mount doom to destroy PMO ring once and for all.
No longer a slave to our own appetites!

Let's go my brothers and sisters!
Stay strong!

 

0 days. I am OK. I am getting together with my accountability friend in the next day or two to hand management of my covenant eyes account. Having it send him reports of when I uninstall was not enough to stop me. That's OK. Once he has management I won't be able to uninstall it from my computer or phone. I won't be able to access p from them. I am feeling so much hope. I want this to be gone. I am a firm believer in working as if everything depended on me and trusting and praying as if everything depended on God. I believe God will bless me with sobriety. I am putting things into place to help me. I am doing what I can. I have faith God will do the rest.

 

@Gallade_Templar yes. Choral music is my favorite thing. I was singing in a Latin mass choir. Can't right now. Singing in a new mass with Gregorian chant once a month when I can be there. I love singing Gregorian chant and sacred polyphony. It's so beautiful.

 

Once more I reset. After strong recurring urges the last days, I pmo'd tonight.
I also reset my dopamine fasting. Because I got too lazy and I need to push me here. But I got some good results.

As for the relapse: I'm not putting me down. I'm getting up and will be clean from tomorrow on.

 

Day 1 complete!

Three beautiful words. Each day of this struggle is just a single day, in the end. I could feel the effects of a double relapse in my exercise today--I planned to run 13 miles but only had the strength for 9. I think if I hadn't PMO'd I would have been able to go the full route. This reminder of how PMO destroys me is helpful.

I thought the point of rest was to decrease our productivity for a while? I've never heard of this before. How do you prepare your rest?

St. Teresa of Avila, pray for us!

 

Check in day 13

 

Day 436 end

Feeling the hunger of the first days of intermittent fasting (day 2). At the same time feeling much lighter, having stronger will!

I'm doing stuff that I postponed for some time.

 

I think that you shouldn't do anythink without a goal and a plan. If you want to rest, then you should do things that actually get you rested and ready for more challenges up ahead. For example playing video games might sound like a good rest, but for me it's a bad choice because it will make my dopamine barrier a lot higher to do anything difficult after the resting time and has a risk of making me loose sleep due to playing during the sleep time if that happens I will be even more tired.

So how I would like to get prepared is by planning what I will do during the rest time and how I will stay away from harm if I will engage in certain dangerous high dopamine activities and of course how to make the resting fun

 

End of day 1

Had a lot of activities, a good fun day, I feel rested already

 

Day 22 checking in. I’m in the misty mountains (and it feels like it!!!)

Lots of troubling thoughts yesterday after my encounter and had to go back to basics on a lot of things. There’s a book I’ve read called breaking the cycle by George Collins. It’s has lot of advice and tips about dealing with triggers, either from people or things you see, or from memories. I’ve had both a lot in the last day. Memories of past encounters coming into my thoughts a lot. These would be classic PMO triggers for me, so I kept my phone away, especially when I went to the bathroom.

Also I took my mum to chapel last night and we need to walk along the Main Street from where she lives. There were 2 ladies walked towards and past us going out, very attractive, not wearing very much. I saw them from a distance and my inner addict was screaming at me to look as much as possible. I held strong and looked away but it took such a huge effort it was crazy!!! I lost my train of thought on what I was saying to her and started stuttering.

I wouldn’t say I’m a very religious person, but I had a conversation with God about this last night.

One day at a time, stay strong friends

 

Day 20

Feeling not too bad. I need to do more things around my home.
Gym soon or later. More reading on here and other things as well.

Read with caution
I will share this. I was searching Robin images on google search. You know Batman's side kick. So there is another thing associated with it. An anime female character which I won't name. Yup, I know this is a trap so I didn't go further looking at it that female character because it will lead to cartoon P/hentai. So I only keep on looking for Batman's Robin photos only then exited. Technically, you can even get to cartoon P with just Robin by itself if you keep digging. Of course, there is cartoon P for all animated series including movies as well if you search for it.

No don't search it! Just a warning. Resist and exit.

Done watching on the go The Hobbit: AN Unexpected Journey. Onto The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug. I will use those weapons against these PMO Orcs! Haha

Yes, the PMO ring is pulling me from time to time.


Almost slipped but dodge some things earlier. Watching for these PMO forces.
Keep on going Fellowship!

 

Day 17 no PMO. I’m feeling no urges currently. We had a nice day as a family at a fall festival and then pumpkin carving.

 

My streak has been going well . And I have not got much urges either , as I was focusing on two things getting up early and maintaining a healthy diet. Though I have not got to my targeted level of excellence in these tasks I still have improved a lot.

But from experience not having an urge could also turn out to be a problem because when an urge suddenly comes it may be difficult to counter it. But this time , I am expecting an urge sooner or later .

Slowly we can develop ourselves to our best self.

 

Sounds familiar. Luckily winter is coming here and people are wrapped in bigger and bigger clothing cocoons.

 

Day 0

I got up between 9 and 10. That's good. I'used to sleep much longer on the weekends, especially after a night with p. I didn't set any alarm, I just got up and tanked sun light outside, bc I've learned that it's very helpful for our circadian clock, to be awake during the day and being able to sleep well.

I cleaned my home before breakfast. I've eaten quite a lot, but I didn't go to the bakery, I prepared my own organic, sugar-free meal, full of nutrients.
I should mention that yesterday in between my p-sessions I said f*ck it and bought a deepfrozen pizza, sugary sweets and a light beer which was all consumed during the night
Before I acted out I couldn't be productive either and I missed working out, too. I wish it would have been just a lazy day (which can be benefical to health, creativity and productivity in the coming days) and not such a chaotic
mess followed by hours of playing stupid p games and watching p compilations to spike my dopamine when I lost it completely
But it is how it is.

The big question is: why didn't I decide to say no and started to fight the urges with all I have?
In fact I have a lot of thoughts and insights on this matter (stages of addiction and decision making), but I'm refraining from posting it all. But I can say, that I definitely was worse of in the past, when my addiction wouldn't allow me that much space for own decisions.
So what I can learn from this? Here are the points:

1. Cherish the decision to quit (my why) and repeat it like a mantra
   
2. Prioritize recovery, in good and in bad times
3. use tools and motivational posts/videos/podcast and remind yourself that they are there
4. exercise, exercise, exercise and cold showers, long walks, ice baths, activities ...

I phrased them positively, with good reason, but I was also thinking: "don't just stay in your head!" (writing can help, but more in the form of planning and diary and less in the form of posting in the forum).

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

96 Days Free of PMO.

Well rested and ready to tackle another day of meditation, exposure, workout, work and reading. The reading portion has been a little bit lack lustre of late, I will gradually attempt to improve it.

"The greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation." -Lao Tzu

Stay Strong!



@Paul S. Seems like you have a great prevention plan. May I suggest trying to add Wim Hof Breathing at the start of your day?

@icebreaker p and @Anew2019 As Paul, it seems you both have a good plan ahead. Remember to reflect on what lead you down that road to a relapse. Keep going!

@nerdy_owl I am sorry to hear about your relapse. Remember brother, look to see what lead you down that road. Reflect on that, don't beat yourself up for this. That only result in a vicious cycle of binging. As for escorts, do not replace a PMO addiction to sex addiction. You will be left just as empty and perhaps, even more agony will arise from that. You can always check in with the fellowship as accountability if you are feeling urges in that moment. Develop something to counteract the urge that surfaces and remember that it is tied in with an underlining emotion. Address the emotion, address the urge.

 

Pornography sucks.