The Lord of the Rings Challenge

I am tempted right now by thought like these: I can easily have a lot of pleasure, it's at my finger tips. But I am fighting it back, with thoughts like these: it will only give me a short term pleasure, I have bigger goals I want pursue right now; this pleasure will turn bitter once I reach it and in the long run it will have severe consequences. Stay strong guys

 

Day 179
Calm day.
but some bad urges are come to my mind .

• Watch David Gogin's motivational video.
• Clear up my mind

Using 2 steps Porn is defeated to me. But I must be careful.

 

@LLOYYD Brother, you didn't check yesterday ? Did you leave the challenge brother? . Come back brother .
We're all gone to make it brah

 

Another busy week is going to start. Keep grinding

 

Day 443 & 444!

Feeling good!

 

Going strong brothers , just focus on your goals for the day .

 

I just realised that you are hours away until finishing the challenge. Fantastic job!

 

I was going to check in my days. But I'm sorry to announce this but I relapsed recently little bro.

Yes Fellowship, I relapsed and keeping this brief. Same issue as last time with peeking but it was my Twitter. Since I left it activated for the time being recently. So let's just say the place is breed ground for a reset/relapse.

I knew I was getting attacked previously while getting closer to rank. But there was a mistake on my end which was a daily task I didn't do for only one day only. That made a difference. Stupid mistake. It is what it is.

So I will be taking a break. It might be short and hopefully not too long. My no PMO streaks end at 27 days.

I did better than last time but this whole rule with no P is messing with my mind. Then that being said I result in me saying time for full relapse.
Bull crap with these rules. As I said to myself, I didn't MO did I?! Because of looking at P (intentional) then proceed to full relapse. That is how my mindset works with complying with hard mode challenges. I will be coming back as I said. I know I can do this.

It was wipe again. Few hits your dead.

Taking a break and hopefully not too long. Maybe I will change my mind and start asap.

Keep strong Fellowship.

 

Day 1 checking in.

 

8 days
Low urges yesterday, worked almost all the day. Get up late today becouse I worked at midnigth.
Today maybe I'll work out.
Keep strong my brothers.

 

10/22-23 2022

day 0- no O
day 0 - No M & self stimulation
day 0 - No P / Psub / addiction-induced arousal

sigh, just seems I couldn't get back up

 

Day 0! I failed.

 

Day 4

 

3 days – PMO forces have spotted you!! With haste you use the Bucklebury Ferry to cross the Brandywine river.

 

End of day 9

I survived. Yesterday I was alone and tired for a while and I managed to resist watching P or P substitutes. This morning is also quite hard

 

5 days - With rain and fog you enter the old village of Bree.

Down visiting with family. I find my my mom so difficult. I am opening up with family a bit more. Talked with my sister. She experiences the same things I do with mom. Mom only ever talks about herself or badly about other people. Never asks sbout my life. Just does not seam to care. She is very difficult to take and sucks the life out of me. I saw her do something to dad that she does to me all the time. Asks a question and then just walks away when you are answering. Lke she is totally ignoring you. My mother is a very messed up lady.

Some temptations. Being around family causes me much distress. It is better this time though. I posted awhile ago how I realized that my family is not better than me. How they made me feel they were and treated me like shit. That healed me a lot and I am seeing evidence of that being around them this weekend.

 

Thanks @Redemptionisrequired !
For PMO I am going to do plans slightly differently this time. Scandanavian Bob provides a weekly breakdown of rebooting and calls out that we try to over compensate with plans right after relapse, which is what I always do. So this first week of being an Orc will be about survival and building a list of Why I am quitting and using the faster scale. Then long walks, and a comprehensive trigger plan, with a reward plan for each milestone. Then after week 3-4, when natural dopamine starts to return and the brain starts to cry out for more of its drug, then I will start channelling this yearning into plans for my life. Regarding my friend, it is not so much progress with PMO as it is progress in humility and maturity and it is here that I feel I could be so much better. Today I hope to just be grateful, diligent and do the best day's work possible. Thank you again for your words of support, they are definitely above and beyond what is required so I hope, like @RiseToGreatness , you can continue to take care of yourself too.

 

Check in day 21

 

Day 30 checking in

Your loved ones send you a gift as a token of their love. Radagast, the Brown, in his rabbit sleigh delivers you Evenstar – a silver necklace with a white stone. "When the memory of the fear and the darkness troublesyou...this will bring you aid".
Quest Item – Evenstar

 

It sounds like you have been on quite the ride lately. Thanks for sharing and being so open with us. I will be praying for you.