End of day 9 I survived. Yesterday I was alone and tired for a while and I managed to resist watching P or P substitutes. This morning is also quite hard
5 days - With rain and fog you enter the old village of Bree. Down visiting with family. I find my my mom so difficult. I am opening up with family a bit more. Talked with my sister. She experiences the same things I do with mom. Mom only ever talks about herself or badly about other people. Never asks sbout my life. Just does not seam to care. She is very difficult to take and sucks the life out of me. I saw her do something to dad that she does to me all the time. Asks a question and then just walks away when you are answering. Lke she is totally ignoring you. My mother is a very messed up lady. Some temptations. Being around family causes me much distress. It is better this time though. I posted awhile ago how I realized that my family is not better than me. How they made me feel they were and treated me like shit. That healed me a lot and I am seeing evidence of that being around them this weekend.
Thanks @Redemptionisrequired ! For PMO I am going to do plans slightly differently this time. Scandanavian Bob provides a weekly breakdown of rebooting and calls out that we try to over compensate with plans right after relapse, which is what I always do. So this first week of being an Orc will be about survival and building a list of Why I am quitting and using the faster scale. Then long walks, and a comprehensive trigger plan, with a reward plan for each milestone. Then after week 3-4, when natural dopamine starts to return and the brain starts to cry out for more of its drug, then I will start channelling this yearning into plans for my life. Regarding my friend, it is not so much progress with PMO as it is progress in humility and maturity and it is here that I feel I could be so much better. Today I hope to just be grateful, diligent and do the best day's work possible. Thank you again for your words of support, they are definitely above and beyond what is required so I hope, like @RiseToGreatness , you can continue to take care of yourself too.
Day 30 checking in Your loved ones send you a gift as a token of their love. Radagast, the Brown, in his rabbit sleigh delivers you Evenstar – a silver necklace with a white stone. "When the memory of the fear and the darkness troublesyou...this will bring you aid". Quest Item – Evenstar
It sounds like you have been on quite the ride lately. Thanks for sharing and being so open with us. I will be praying for you.
Day 25 no PMO. Not feeling the urge for PMO but I do feel very lost in my life right now. I’m having a hard time being happy.
Day 180 Thank you for your appreciation. But I learnt lot of things from Lord of the ring challenge and met new brothers. So that I won't leave the challenge until majority of brothers defeat the PMO forces . I will wait for this moment. Thank you for everyone for helping me to reach this goal.
Checking in Fellowship Friends! 104 Days Free of PMO. Day 1 of this challenging week went well, although I had some disturbed sleep last night. The slight brain fog, anxiety and lower energy is my burden. I will bare it, it is not as strong as it has been in the past. I will be cautious over this week and try my best. Stay Strong! @Baki Hanma Congrats on 180 days brother!! Wonderful achievement, you have crushed the ring. Keep going forward and paving the path. I'm glad you are sticking around and hey, there are two more achievements if you are up for it! @CALM IN SUFFERING I'm glad you have no given in to temptation brother. @LLOYYD I'm sorry to hear about your relapse brother, you've assessed what has caused it. Perhaps evaluating your need for twitter, is it something that truly helps you /your goals? Maybe removing it for the time being will assist you. I would do a cost/benefit analysis on it and see if it is useful to you. Rise again! @Toni7 It is not a failure brother, you have gone for such a long streak. Your perspective matters, look at what you have accomplished over this period and congratulate yourself. Evaluate the relapse, set in motion a new plan to conqueror it and stand again! @crazyhorse11 It's my pleasure brother, our fellowship is strong. I'm glad you have a plan of action. Do not worry, I am doing my best as well. 4 more days for me and I will have some time off from work. Also, Orcs are no longer part of the challenge, check out the front page. Our brother @RiseToGreatness has updated the rankings, you start off as hobbit!
What is it? Day 2 I think. I'm in a public place and I noticed I have some urges. It's still mostly about p games but I'm also thinking on looking at some nudes or "non nudes". I also realized I still have kept a safe for a porn game. It means I'm still interested in continuing playing from that save. So I deleted my browser cookies and cash and with it that save. Urges seem to grow while I'm reading and posting on the forum. But I say to myself: you can surf these urges, no need to act out. It has been long enough, though and I will shut down my computer now and go. So this is a double win for today: deleted that save and surfed the urge without giving in.
Hey little bro, congrats for completing the challenge and getting White Wizard! Inspiring indeed bro. If I get there, I will also still stick to the challenge and go for the "Special Challenge" all the way through. @Redemptionisrequired I have deactivated my Twitter again since starting this current streak. I think this will stay that way which it will be permanently deleted for good unless I reactivate for certain reasons. I am still thinking what else should I use it for but as of right now there is nothing. I didn't mention this but it started from watching a regular movie. Let's just say if I see an actress that looks like a P star that I know of then my mind starts getting curious. Which is bad and now leads to peeking like my P-sub issues. Instead it will lead to peeking on P instead of P-subs. P-subs are still getting better. I guess I will assess cost/benefit analysis but as of now. I can't think of the benefit besides one particular reason to keep it. Any way, this is to Baki and everyone here. Continuing from my previous posts, I was going to check in my days but I wasn't expecting a relapse from being away a bit. But I have decided to step back and take a break from this challenge for numbers of reason. I will say it has something to do with @Gallade_Templar words. Saddening to be honest. This time he drove me away besides other things. That's all I am going to say. I'm still thinking about it and maybe when time goes by then I will decide later. If I decide to come back here then I will check in with a current streak or start back at Day 0 again later. If I start back again, I will commit to it as best as I can. Oh I got a message from one of the mods here about my incident Day 24 post. Yes, I couldn't reply because I don't know how to DM anyone here. I don't have this feature for some reason as I have said to Redemptionisrequired. Not sure how to fix this. So lastly, I'm out of this challenge. God bless you all in destroying your PMO ring for good.
9 days Low urges yesterday, worked out, but worked almost all day. I took some hours for rest a little. Today I didn't worked out, I was too tired and I have the flue, so maybe tomorrow I'll work out. Keep strong my brothers.
6 days. In the old forest still. Home from my visit with my family. Old memories haunted me. Some temptations. It is changing though. I can't access porn. I am finding I am wanting to find a real girl to connect with. It is still to soothe the pain of my family traumas. Still not healthy. I left my parents place almost shaking. The elephant in the room is so immense with my family. Maybe with more sobriety God will call me and show me how to call it out charitably. Spent time with my dad today. He's kind of like a 5 year old trapped in a 65 year old mans body. Can't handle any adversity whatsoever. It's hard to watch him whine like a 5 year old. I watched my mom and dad this weekend and so much of my life makes so much sense. I experience this every time I go and see them now. I don't know how I handled it as a kid being around them all the time. 3 days with them now and I am wiped. No wonder I needed to numb myself with PMO.
