The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Should the Thread Title be extended?

  • No, leave like that: "The Lord of the Rings Challenge"

    Votes: 18 54.5%

  • Yes. "The Lord of the Rings Challenge: The Fellowship of Nofap"

    Votes: 15 45.5%

  • Yes. "The Lord of the Rings Challenge: Rising Fellowship of Eärendil"

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Yes. "The Lord of the Rings Challenge: The Journey to Mount Doom"

    Votes: 5 15.2%

  • Yes. "The Lord of the Rings Challenge: The Quest of the Ring-bearer"

    Votes: 6 18.2%
  • Total voters
    33
  • Poll closed .
crazyhorse11 said:
I am digging this reflection from last January back out and recommitting. Good to look back over & renew past commitments
Click to expand...
On the point of facing reality and confronting pain - all my relationships up to now have been a sort of dark refuge/ safe space where conditions are perfect for blocking out reality and perfect for living in fantasy - the fantasy that I am going to live forever in the comfort of my girlfriend's arms - deep down treating her like a surrogate mother who lulls her child to sleep. It is this upside down direction of my interior that drives me to PMO, the incorrect view that the goal is the infantile comfort of the mother rather than the goal of growth, development, maturity into manhood. As a result in all my relationships my partner had the key because my deepest set fear was that this infantile driver of my whole life would be exposed. I was addicted to the dopamine they gave me by comforting me while all the time telling me I was a man. It is time to grow up, cut the umbilical cord, turn my direction upward, start climbing, and embrace the growing pains of becoming a man for real.
 
Checking in Fellowship Friends!

109 Days Free of PMO.

Feeling off today, fatigue mixed with some apprehensive anxiety, even though I have slept long enough. I have a few things on the list that I would like to complete, but we'll see how the day unravels. Not much has arisen on the temptation stand point, but vigilance remains. They say the 6 months after your first 6 months is the higher threshold for a relapse, which is why vigilance must always remain.

Stay Strong!

@daddyG1981 Congrats on the rank up!
@Ready to Stop Well done on getting on 1 month!
 
For the past 24 days I had pretty much low urges as lust or sexual desires in itself were never my weakness , it was the inability to hold my ground when I was under stress . I often resorted to binge watch web series or resorted to fap when things become a bit rough(usually during my exam time ) but often when the problem is over I have found it difficult to recover from all the pmo I would do during the stressful period.

In the next week I would probably face my first real test as I begin my mid term exams , but this time around I am going to face my problem head on and study for my exams from today so that I can get past through this tough situation .

Often I never wanted to fap during this time ,but often subconsciously I would get a feeling that I would break if I don't fap. This is only a problem caused by my lack of preparation and that's exactly where I am going to crush my pmo urges by getting a solid preparation before the final moments of the examination.


Day 24 :emoji_muscle:
Sometimes what's key to victory is to keep your calm when things feel uncertain and you start to doubt yourself.
 
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0 days. No hard-core p though. Which is good. I was up until 5:30 am searching. Reminds me of school. This is how bad it was. In high school I would wait all week until the weekend so I could stay up all night to watch late night tv in hopes of seeing some softcore movies. I would stay up for hours and maybe see,on a good day like, 15 minutes worth. That's how desperate I was. The only softness in life that I knew. Sad. It is a tragedy.

It is a tragedy but my life does not have to end as a tragedy. I have been healing so much. God is so good to me.

My prayer life is really coming along. If I can get that in good order everything else will fall into place.
 
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End of day 15

I don't feel attracted to my wife like I used to be. It's mostly physical attraction, but it is also not constant because I know that no matter what I do, she will not be attracted to me, at least nothing that I have already tried. In theory making her feel really loved should do the trick. I should try harder to make her feel loved. I think this is the only thing I should care in our relationship, but it is hard when she is supposed to be the only one I get sexual satisfaction from. But if I can stop PM for 15 days, that means I can focus on showing love to my wife when it comes to our relationship as well.
 
Weekly checkin:
Lowest level on the Faster scale this week was Ticked Off (fantasy & gossip), mostly this weekend due to meeting old aquaintances. I fantasise about female friends (not single) because I am looking back for that surrogate mother rather than looking foward to autonomy. This means I am not free when I meet friends. I am like a slave, crippled by an unnatural desire (which I know is terribly destructive to not only our friendship but to their relationships and marriages). A lot of my childhood trauma comes from a broken marriage, so why am I looking to pass on this suffering? Is this pathetic desire really worth it? Of course not, but this is the double bind - addicted to the fleeting intimacy of lust vs destruction of others' (and my) happiness.

What to do? Firstly resolve double bind by leaning into the pain rather than leaning into the pain-killing fantasy. The pain is from an intimacy disorder, in fact the pain is simply a growing pain which I try unsuccessfully to medicate with an intimacy disorder. I commit to you now reading this that I am going to lean into where the most immediate pain manifests itself and that is procrastination. I will do the menial tasks which have been hanging over me for ages in place of running away.

This week:
  • I checkin on FF every day
  • I do a todo list
  • I lean into the discomfort of the task at hand
  • I practise BRACE when the urges or fantasies arise
  • No bawdy talk with female colleagues
  • No streaming or flicking channels
  • No vanity - lean into reality
 
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breaking-myths said:
For the past 24 days I had pretty much low urges as lust or sexual desires in itself were never my weakness , it was the inability to hold my ground when I was under stress . I often resorted to binge watch web series or resorted to fap when things become a bit rough(usually during my exam time ) but often when the problem is over I have found it difficult to recover from all the pmo I would do during the stressful period.

In the next week I would probably face my first real test as I begin my mid term exams , but this time around I am going to face my problem head on and study for my exams from today so that I can get past through this tough situation .

Often I never wanted to fap during this time ,but often subconsciously I would get a feeling that I would break if I don't fap. This is only a problem caused by my lack of preparation and that's exactly where I am going to crush my pmo urges by getting a solid preparation before the final moments of the examination.


Day 24 :emoji_muscle:
Sometimes what's key to victory is to keep your calm when things feel uncertain and you start to doubt yourself.
Click to expand...
Sounds like you have a great plan! Good luck in the execution!
 
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