Day 446 & 447 Congratulations @Baki Hanma ! The hardest trail of the journey is done. Stay strong and you'll never fall again!
1 day. Looking back on the weekend. Those 2 people are the ones who raised me. Crazy. My dad was whining and complaining about how big of a pain in the ass their puppies are. The man who raised me can't even handle puppies for crying out loud. I always did feel like a burden to him. I Journaled about this. This really says nothing about me and lots about him. It's sad you know. I am trying not to hold resentment. I don't think I resent him for it. Kind of lost some more respect for him. I will pray for him. Did more thinking about my fall 24 hours ago. I did not see anything hard-core. It was way less intense. It was missing something. I think i was missing the feelings of disgust and hatred that add to the high. I probably did not damage my brain as bad as with hard-core p. I can't access hard-core p on the internet. I found about all I will find with filters in place. No novelty or hardcoreness. Even if I do fall, God forbid. I won't hurt my brain so much.
11 days Low urges yesterday but yesterday started to search dopamine. As far as I know is my brain trying to replace the "normal" levels of PMO with other things, like junk food and surf in web. Today I worked out and took a cold shower. Keep strong my brothers.
Day 0 Sort of disappointed to have relapsed, but I didn't try very hard. The weather has been changing fast around here and within the last few days it's clear summer has finally ended and autumn is here. With that I find my habits changing to match what they more so were last year around this time. It's weird, I guess the seasons have a bigger effect on me then I thought! I tend to end up on a much later schedule in the colder months. I just wish I had a fireplace, that would be fitting! I started listening to an audiobook of "The Rational Male" on my walk last night. I will go through the whole series this time. I feel like I should have been done my nofap journey by now, so this fall I need to get to a more stable place with it. No porn with actual human relationships. I've been using my self hypnosis tapes again to try to remove the remainder of my hang-ups and have had to confront a greater level of sexual shame than I thought I had. It's all about the layers of the onion with this inner work!
Thanks for Sharing Arceus, I am glad the worst was avoided for that young mother and its child. We have to get out permanently Guys. Don't watch porn, do not support this shit anymore.
Day 44, checking in. My discipline has been holding steady. I am feeling porn is just an ex memory, just a lingering very low urge, but seeing the posts of many of you guys. keeps the fuel of vengeance burning inside me for it. Even my Youtube addiction is controlled I allow myself now just 45 min of Youtube max a day. for productive ends its going well have not watched any of that anime review shit in at least a week. I finished the Illiad and the Odyssey books. Now i'm reading details of the conquest of Mexico of hernan cortez. 40+ days without watching porn, without browsing without watching even a single website. I can't fucking believe it, after 10 fucking years, I am finally not regretting my days. I'm consciously choosing what I do with my 24 hours. I am not the weak passive coward i was before. I could not even getup early guys. everyday the phone would ring at 5.30 and i would stretch and stop it, then lay in that comfy bed until around 7:00. Then I would again say tomorrow i will do it for sure, that SAME BULLSHIT over and over and over again like a endless loop so many months went by.. I purposed for so long to getup at 5.30 to do exercises to meditate and to have spare time as not to rush rush always to work. But a bed, an inanimate object was overruling my decisions of a human........ how pathetic. (I think in partly it was the PMO's at night's doing, leaving me tired and without willpower in the morning) I am getting up from that bed at 5:30 asoon as it rings i getup. like clockwork i am already up actually just waiting for the ring to get going. no matter how i feel, sometimes its smooth and easy. but if the feeling is not there, I learned to force myself from that bed.(come on, time to get the fuck up and go!) I feel like i was a boy, and I'm finally becoming a man, who does not take shit from himself, but makes things happen by force if necessary. I choose! not a bed or some fake images on the internet. I am glad to the nofap community, i wish i have done it before and had this accountability team. Backing up my conscious steady resolve to change. I know I can do it, I feel confident in myself. 136 more days for mount doom. Master your sexual urge's friends if you do, nothing is impossible. Lets all drop that ring in mount doom.
I agree that writing things down has power on it's own. But I was referring more to the power of confession, I think it has a redeeming effect even if it's anonymous
End of day 12 Day was bussy as usual. This night I slept really well, I feel great. In the evening and in the morning I had thoughts about sex, but as I am getting into writing they are fading. I think this weekend will being me new challenges, therefore I have to prepare for them and have a plan for the weekend in general, because I will have 5 days off from saturday.
Day 28 no PMO. My wife gets home tonight and I’m excited to have her back. My daughters and I have had a good two days together. I have started my walking again and that seems to be helping me have a more level attitude.
It's not an easy read. Digesting red pill was pain in a# for me. I mean reading it is different, but the hard part is accepting it wholly, that's not easy. Go into preventive medicine as well, that's even more interesting. I have decided to keep away from all red pill videos on Youtube, it in my opinion borders on bitterness and excessive ego, wanting to command and control. Which is what masculinity is. You must exist in a realm of healthy ego and your capacity to abstain from emotions. What is hard after red pill, is applying it with females. Man, these girls don't want to be submissive. Or better, they don't want to be submissive to a guy who she thinks is not 'man' enough. Then comes all the power struggle and ego snapping. Bascially, if you can make her to give up her ego and yours reign supreme, you make her someone who will let you take the lead. I find it funny when I see it in these red pill videos, where guys are trying to enforce their 'masculinity' and making these girls take on a submissive stance, and these modern females are anything but ready for it. They will fight tooth n nail to not submit.
Checking in Fellowship Friends! 107 Days Free of PMO. Quick check in for me today, forgive me for being brief but busy day ahead brothers! But today is the last challenging day, so let's get it. Stay Strong!
