The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Should the Thread Title be extended?

  • No, leave like that: "The Lord of the Rings Challenge"

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  • Yes. "The Lord of the Rings Challenge: The Fellowship of Nofap"

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  • Yes. "The Lord of the Rings Challenge: Rising Fellowship of Eärendil"

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  • Yes. "The Lord of the Rings Challenge: The Journey to Mount Doom"

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Paul S. said:
Day 16. II.

It's a bit better than I imgined. Yes, I feel like sh*t, but not as much as I imagined. Already did the chores, walking, prayer... Bad thing is I am still tempted to act stupid. But if my brain has energy for temptations, it has energy to study. Right?

I didn't expect that the end of October will be this hard. I thought I will be thinking about coming holidays and/or studying and/or conference. And now I am in this gray pmo dimension. I am thinking about life stuff of course, but creeping pmo shadow is always near. Waiting for the moment of weakness.

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You did it!
You streak is going on (remember how you did it!)

Stay hard brother! (no pun intended)
Calm yourself, use your tools and repeat the victory route
Try to enjoy the challenge and the hardship. Give us a grim smile
 
2 days. Seam to be doing OK. Some temptations last night and this morning. With my discovery about me trying to control everything I noticed how I was trying to forcefully control my temptations. I stopped trying to be forcefully with them and it seams to work. It causes me more anxiety and the anxiety gives me temptations. Had a thought. It must be that I am not feeling satisfied when I am tempted. Perhaps I need to find other ways to make myself feel satisfied. Can external things fill it or do I need to look inwards?

I am thinking as I am writing this. It occurred to me. PMO really is an extention of my need to control everything. It's to control how I feel.

I am trying to control myself forcefully like my parents did. I must learn to be gentle. Forcefullness is so engrained in me. How do I change? This Catholic Mindfulness book maybe has the answer. I should get back on my Dr. Trish leigh lessons too. God, can you please teach me to not be so controlling of myself.
 
icebreaker p said:
You did it!
You streak is going on (remember how you did it!)

Stay hard brother! (no pun intended)
Calm yourself, use your tools and repeat the victory route
Try to enjoy the challenge and the hardship. Give us a grim smile
Click to expand...

Thanks for positive note. :)

I think I just suffered through. But the lesson could be that the day after sleepless night is not that tragic. Next time, when I am tempted that harshly, I will be more brave to experiment. Maybe I'll just go outside - for 2-3-4 hour walk. I hope I don't forget.
 
Paul S. said:
But the lesson could be that the day after sleepless night is not that tragic.
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I agree. But be careful with that sleep deprivation ...
Anyway, I believe in you, that even without (much) sleep you will still do your duty and keep it clean.

What you want now is to rest peacefully (or as soon as it is possible). And wake up with a clean consciousness and an unbroken streak. Imagine how great you'll feel then!
You will sleep like a baby my friend!

And don't let your mind trick you. You know all its tricks. Also after awakening you need to take precaution.

See you ...
 
Had a fall. 0 days. It's ok. Learning so much about myself. I don't know how to put what I figured out in words but I will do my best. In my temptations are pushiness. It is to take control. I take control by PMOing. It was my way of feeling grounded in a house of utter chaos. It is still my way to ground myself. My whole life is about control. A lot of my decisions are in a way a way to control what people think about me. I have a control problem. What do I do? I don't know what to do. My way of dealing with things has always been forceful on myself. I don't know any other way. How do I deal if not being forceful? I don't know how. Just had a moment of trying to control. It was my dad I pictured. I need to do some praying and meditation about this. I feel lost. Where do I begin? I will pray.

I don't feel satisfied unless I feel powerful. PMO makes me feel powerful. I had a thought. I think it is true. With PMO I think I am trying to control my mom. She is a heartless tyrant who you can not challenge. There is hell to pay if you challenge her on anything. I feel totally powerless around her. She had total control through shame, fear and manipulation. So bloody sad man.

I remember this. This is quite sad. I think I still feel this way. This used to trouble me. The idea of my mom dying does not bother me one bit and I truthfully look forward to the day. There is nothing I like about her. She is a controlling manipulative woman. She would throw anyone under the bus in a second to save her own face. She thinks she is better than everybody. I struggle finding good qualities about her. She has no friends. No interesting hobbies. She is an automaton. I have never liked her one tiny little bit. I used to think I was bad. I don't think it is me that's bad. I don't like the taste of poison.

While I may not like her at all. I can still pray for her. That is what I will do. She has totally shut herself in. She needs prayers. They say that love is a decision. I can decide to pray for her even if I hate her and believe she does not deserve it. It is what God would want me to do. So I will do that.

This is next level stuff man. How do I deal with this? How do I get back what she took from me? I can't be forceful about it. I have spent my life feeling powerless and trying to feel powerful. This is a hell of a thing man!! Well. I guess I know what I need to start praying for. That is about all I can do. This is too big for little ANEW. Maybe I need to get professional help. I have the money for it. Maybe it is time to contact a psychologist to help me with this. I don't even know where to start. I am at rock bottom. This is good. I need to find new meaning in life besides trying to feel and appear powerful. This is the beginning of a long journey. God please be with me along the way.
The ring of power must be destroyed. J.R.R. Tolkien really was a genius.
 
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I will win!!! said:
I won't count days, I saw a article about this that we should not count days, I will just say "check in"
So, yesterday was not okay, I was low due to this post addiction damages, lied "Yes, I am fine" like 4 times to whoever I met and when they asked, I will fight, the war of spirit has been started.
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Hey! Maybe that's not a bad idea. But if you don't want to count, add the counter. This challenge is based on counting the days. We have to know, where you are in your journey. :) What is nice, it's firstly a challenge, but it also functions as a support group.
 
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Another tempting week and a bad start of the month. This month I aim for my first clean month this year. I'm back in the shire sharpening my weapons. I have better knowledge to fight the enemy... in this case run from the enemy since one cannot see into the spiritual realm... i will keep my eyes off of any obscenity, sexy stuff, and arousing thoughts. My constant reminder for this month will be "I will remember this month for the rest of my life. So go hard." No p,m and o.
day 0
 
I will win!!! said:
I won't count days, I saw a article about this that we should not count days, I will just say "check in"
So, yesterday was not okay, I was low due to this post addiction damages, lied "Yes, I am fine" like 4 times to whoever I met and when they asked, I will fight, the war of spirit has been started.
Click to expand...
Brother, I think Counting days is a good idea. Because when you are counting days, you know how many days we have gone through hard days . Before I joined the Nofap forum , I didn't count days . So I didn't know value of the time. Now I calculate every working hours to estimate how I work in that hour. This is not related only into NoFap. You can get idea from prof. Cal Newport's Deep work book.
 
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