@Paul S. Brother Now you are in your better condition. I remembered that your past stories about failures in nofap. I Compare your past stories and current stories. Amazing brother. You are in a correct path.
Believe yourself, And defeat the PMO forces. This is the best place to build your self. Lot of guys in here write motivational messages everyday. So you can defeat PMO easily. Good luck
Day 8 checking in. Thank you. First time I made it a week without PMO since I joined this community but the best I've done before joining was 12 days. I'm hoping I can beat that record. You are doing great yourself, keep going!
1 day - At Buckland, Bilbo gives you Sting - an Elven short-sword made in Gondolin. It will turn blue when porn forces are around. @Redemptionisrequired Thank you. Yeah. I will do that. I think I did figure something out. I noticed it when showering to clean myself up after my last fall. I, like after every other fall, was frantically trying to figure out what to do to not fall again. I guess you could say I was trying to forcefully control future outcomes. I noticed this and then became aware of the present moment and I felt peace. I have come to realize that I try to forcefully control everything. Even my falls are a way to take control of things. I take it into my hands to fall until I can figure out what to do so I don't fall again. I think it is my need to control everything that brings on the temptations. My mind is always in fight mode. Trying so hard to control everything. If I can learn to surrender. If I can give this to God to figure out, and stop trying too damn hard all the time. All I need to do is pray and lighten up. I can't control everything. I just need to stop worrying so much and trust. I am reading a great book called "The Mindful Catholic". It is really teaching me how to let go. Live in my body and be present and aware of God, my body and things that surround me. It talks a lot about the difference between living in that fight mode vs in the present and it is teaching me how to turn off fight mode. I can't control this. It is my need to control everything that is causing it.
Day 451... I think Guys bad news. I got about 15 minutes hoked up with reels of Facebook. I actually went to Facebook just to see a video of a priest that a friend of mine sent me. But I saw a "sexy reel" and started watching, with my guard totally down sadly. So to wrap it up, honestly I think I didn't PMO, because I didn't touched myself nor had the intention to PMO Spoiler: Might be a small trigger . But without realizing it I got hard and cummed to this reel, I have to be totally honest with you guys. So if you guys, specially @Redemptionisrequired in the name of @RiseToGreatness let me, I want to keep my streak this once, with the vow that if I see a "hot reel" or any other similar kind of media again intentionally, I will reset my counter.
Anyway, even if I don't reset, and even if I'm "somewhat innocent" in this one, I already feel a change in my body. I'm more "sensitive" now. It will be much harder for me to succeed at the very least for a month.
Today I did something new: I started to act out and when I had already begun looking at porn pics and edging I decided against it and I stopped. Although it was "only pics" it was a contradiction of my usual behavior (belief system?). Before, I had read a text called "Identifying Compulsive Rituals" and I'll just cite one sentence of it: "All "compulsive behavior" can be stopped. All can be turned into rational, values-based decisions." It seems I just wanted to proof that and it worked lol Quite astonishing since this wasn't the first time that I thought it was important / possible / about time that I break a compulsive chain. But I'm not sure if I ever managed to do that, after having left the point of no return. The "point of no return" (PoNR) was also discussed in the text I read. It is an empiric line. When you cross it usually the compulsive behavior goes on "automatically" until you're finished (if not interrupted). All this is of course trained behavior. And it probably has also a lot to do with expectation and beliefs. Meaning, you can stop even after the point of no return. But it costs a lot of energy or awareness. I'm happy that I could do it today and I'm looking forward to further deconstruct my p addiction and take its power away.
Do you workout? If not then maybe that's what you need, something to get all that aggression and frustration out of your system as your brain reconfigures itself. At the very least it'll help clear your head.
0 days, embarrassing. I can't help anyone because I'm confused myself. I need to start with the cold showers in order to beat my addiction. And I need to give up video games, which is very hard for me and I'm not willing to let go yet. Life changes quickly right now and video games provide a safe haven for me. @I will win!!! welcome to the fellowship brother @Kairose I hope you're not too hard on yourself. You're our hero
Day 37 checking in busy and stressful week ahead in work. Over the weekend not many urges to PMO but lots of thoughts and triggers with people I saw/met. Brain is getting better I think but long way to go
