The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 8 ! I completed most of my things mentioned yesterday. Today I am going to work on 2 lessons of biology for my upcoming test as I plan to top it this time. Then I might do the remaining tomorrow and I will wake up early tomorrow i.e. at 6:30 am. Thankyou guys for support and accountability. I am going NNN this time. Had a few urges today but all the adult content is banned on my devices. So I had no chance of relapsing.

 

The most rough time of my nofap journey is here exams. I have got to make use of my time in a very productive way to get through this hurdle .

 

You're welcome, Paul, and thank you too, for your detailed and thoughtful reaction. It's very much appreciated!

I won't argue about that. Thank you for your insights. And nobody's laughing at you!

Ok, let's keep reproduction out of this for a moment. Because dopamine goes beyond sex and reproduction. It is a hormon that drive your actions, motivate you to do stuff. It's part of the reward center, although not it's only part (there are other hormones involved too, like serotonin for example).

One example for the functioning of dopamine would be: you wake up in the morning, hungry. You're motivated to go in the kitchen and look in the fridge. Empty. Then you're motivated to go get some food. Maybe you buy it in the supermarket. The drive to do all this is triggered by the release of dopamine. Finally you have your groceries and you have breakfast. Now the dopamine spikes because you achieved your goal plus you fill your empty stomach.

What happens during pmo? Because the primitive brain functions can't differentiate between real mates and real sex and the fake of it which is porn, it releases extreme amounts of dopamine. Compared to working, exercising, looking for real mates this is a ritual of effortless instant gratification. But from the brains perspective (and also our own I would argue) pmo is nevertheless a hyperactive state, we click, we hunt, we engage and we trigger all those chemical release. It may start with the goal "look up model A" and the implicite goal of self-stimulating to O. But on the way we find many more goals (and rewards!) and the hunt goes on and on ...
Finally we end up dopamine-depleted (never zero but too low) because this hormon is a non-infinite yet renewable ressource.

The other problem is that these high dopamine spikes may create not only a momentary low (until it's replenished) but over time lower our base-level of dopamine which equals low drive, bad moods and other problems. (Plus this reduction of dopamine receptors but I don't understand really why and when. The good news here is: they can come back).

This can happen to the porn addict or to the drug addicts. But even to healthy people with very exiting lives, full of adventures (at least then it's worth it).

I think most of us rather aim for an exiting life then one without surprises. But it's good to understand these mechanism, for example that we can have a crash after we've achieved something big or had a lot of exitement. Because our intuition is rather than we get depressed because of a life too boring and without enough exitement. But (imho) when we want to do a lot of tedious work or learning over a longer period of time, maybe it's a good idea to cut all the sources of high dopamine release short for a while.

The withdrawal of high dopamine spikes through reliable sources of course creates withdrawal symptoms. So when your brain suddenly switches from porn to clothed girls from the sport channel, it's actually a good sign. Your reaction to block the sports section was the right one, in my opinion.
What you want is an uncoupling from your reward system to females on a screen and a re-coupling to "the real thing". Well at least in parts, because since we will continue to watch people on screens we will continue to feel aroused sometimes by some of them, but that's of course completely natural.

So while blocking and avoiding is a good tool for us that we should use, at some point we have to get used to our reactions and deal with. Of course we don't look at porn to see if we still have a brain that wants unnatural high and effortless dopamine kicks and if we still NOT have the sheer willpower to hold it back
But all the more natural or unavoidable stimula are learning material for us. It's a long process

 

Day 9
I'm sick. Caught a cold.

Guys, I need advice please. Tomorrow I'll get my wlan back. I feel capable of avoiding a relapse. I did a lot of soul searching in the last days and I know my reasons. However I'm aware of all those urges that also are there.
But the question is: what do I when I have it back and what do I use it for ?
Since I'm sick, it would make sense to just entertain myself with movies and things like that. As for prevention I should never use my devices in the bedroom or on the toilet and always keep curtains open. But I'm just not sure, is it a good idea to indulge into entertainment on the weekend. Are there better options. Maybe mix pleasure with doing some chores?
Much work or effort is out of the question, anyway. As long as I'm really sick.

 

Man if I knew how to not watch porn I would have stopped it long time ago. I just know that this addiction is very strong and must not be underestimated. It can overwelm us even if we feel very safe.

And I know that my porn consumption is coupled to video games or binge watching. In the past I was just alternating between these three and sleep, sometimes for whole weeks. Spending too much time with electronic devices will cause a relapse, definitively.

So my advice is: Be careful! Don't lose your 9 days!

 

My advice would be same as I give to myself. Look at this as OPPORTUNITY to get stronger and heal (from pmo and cold ). It changes whole perspective for the brains. Instead of wallowing in negative emotions of feeling at risk, feeling bored, feeling urges, you will wallow in good emotions such as hope of healing, letting go of the past and looking to the future with optimizm, feeling well-challenged etc.

If you see that this doesn't work. Let emotions be as they are. If you feel down, then just sleep around (if you sick that's also a priority), if you feel irritated due to virus tomorrow, then smash the cup into the wall or pound electric radiator, if you feel sad or frustrated, then cry... Learn to let your emotions out in other ways. Not only through pmo.

But as @PeaceOnEarth108 said we are not the ones to give tangible advice. If I knew what I was doing, I would be free for 732 days (not just 20 as now). I joined the forums first time 2020 November 2.

 

Check in

 

Day 4

Thoughts: 2/5
Urges: 1/5

Finally got some energy back today, decided to use it to catch up on some housework.

 

Good! You prioritized values and boundaries.

 

Thanks @PeaceOnEarth108 & @Paul S. for your answers!
I feel better now. Also not so ill anymore.
I agree, not to do p is the priority here and it can't be underlined enough. How much I endulge into movies or surfing is rather secondary.
I'll enjoy myself a bit. But for sake of keeping things under control and also I don't see why I should binge all day with entertainment, I'll be careful.

• keep track of how long I surf and what I want to find or do online
• decide for a movie or a mini series and don't overindulge
  
• balance meaningful activities and pure entertainment
  
• do some household chores in between
• go for walks, 2 hours + (if enough energy)
• stay in contact (forum)
  
• if feeling tired, sleep
• no screens from 9 pm on, go to bed around 10 pm

It's a little experiment. I'm exited how it goes. I'll have the chance to grow and I'll try to observe how my online activities influence my urges.

It's risky of course. I could just postpone getting back wlan at home. But I feel as if I have open lessons that I never finished. Probably I'll restrict my internet again, later on.
So the temptation to exploit it is definitely there, but I try not to identify with it.
It's the hijacker who wants all that. But I have many reasons to - whatever I do - not open up one of these sites and stop all activities of fishing or physical stimulation.

Of course it could be that I get in a state of emergency. But then I still have options: leave the house. Or simply go back to my slow internet state for a scheduled time.

For sure, we both, the hijacker and I are already hyped up lol

 

Restraining from entertainment is a thing but if that is your counter measure you might relapse in the long run when you suddenly get the urge to watch a movie or something ,but instead you should get engaged in a lot activities that can give you a sense of entertainment as well as that are going to be equally productive for you. Then when you have sort of a routine , watching movies or series in a small amount won't hurt.

 

Check in day 33

 

5 days - With rain and fog I enter the old village of Bree. I hope they don't serve coffee here, I don't have much willpower in that regard. It's a bigger problem than one may think. I feel restless and nervous and the urges for bigger stimuli increases

5 days no PM
5 days no video games
5 days no hot showers
0 days no caffeine

 

Day 2 checking in, had my first relapse since I’ve been here

I was out with work colleagues and had an overnight stay, alcohol was involved. We were in a bar and a young lady hit on me really hard, wanted to come back to my room. I didn’t consider it, told her I was married, nothing happened. I was polite but firm.

But I was triggered. When I got back to the room I was supercharged, drunk, and also feeling like rewarding myself for not having brought this young lady back to my room. And it happened.

Reflecting on what I’ve learned from this experience. I’d say it’s out of my normal routine to be in that situation, so it isn’t a trigger I’m likely to encounter a lot. But I need to be able to lot let myself get charged up when I get attention.

I actually even thought I could have brought the girl back to my room and there would have been no PM involved, and keep my streak going, but obviously this is crazy incorrect thinking. Being faithful, respectful and bringing a broader sex addiction under control including PMO is my challenge here.

we never stop

 

Day 10

 

Day 37 no PMO. Woke up earlier than I would have liked. I’m going to try to go back to sleep now. Have a great day guys!

 

Day 10

Greetings at @metamorphosed !

 

I agree. A small amount, that's exactly what I have in mind. And only occasionally.

 

Greetings bro

 

Checking in Fellowship friends!

116 Days Free of PMO.

Good rest overall, slight apprehension creeping up for the week ahead. I aim to continue to remind myself that I will meet it head on with what is already available to me.

I want to touch base a bit on stoic mentality here, I believe there is a misunderstanding about what it is, even what overcoming PMO addiction really is. Going through withdrawal and successfully rebooting is not about taking this happy pill. A happy pill that will make certain you never get angry, anxious or sad. It's about facing those emotions, observing them, understand them and why they arise. Addressing them as they come, whether through a perspective change, changing the actions that lead you to said outcome or accepting that things are not in your control and moving on. This will help you break addiction. This will help you become your best self and this emulates stoic mentality. Do not be reactionary with your emotions, nor bottle them up until they overflow.

Have a great weekend Fellowship!

Stay strong!


@daddyG1981 Rise again brother, you've analyzed what lead you down the road now work on a counter measure, as best as you can.