Dusting down Trigger plan again: Pre urges: Memories - think of something else, something that interests me Mental pressure to peek, fish or act out (while not an actual urge) - Read up on the harm of PMO - Post to this forum Drudgery in Work - do a diff task for awhile - take a break - get some fresh air - do some breathing exercises - play some music - chat a friend or colleague - break the task into manageable chunks - just do 2 mins more Being rejected or ghosted by a colleague or friend - nip any self pity in the bud - go for a walk in nature - observe the animals and birds Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly Move these thoughts to the side and let the air and light in - stop and take notice of how non-lust feels - how in control stable and content you are in this state Triggers Trigger content being talked about in work - tune out, change the subject, get back to work Flirting or being flirted with in work - be kind, but get out of the situation Getting a text or chat with trigger content - delete - get some fresh air - stay away from electronics as much as possible the rest of that day or night Seeing a trigger scene on a film or TV - Ideally this should not happen as I am committed to a full detox for 90 days but if it does then divert the eyes, switch off, skip past it, get away from electronics Tired/ Exhausted at end of day - do not lean on the devices to relax, go for a walk, fresh air, or if too tired read a book or even a comic if I just want something light, wind down nice and easy, get to bed early and look forward to good night's sleep Trigger content comes up in searches etc... - have blockers on, and if something still comes up, turn it off and turn away - flee from this like it was the plague - go for a walk Study the harm of PMO Keep posting here Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly Urges If the urges come on strong here is a list of stuff I can use: Post here asap Look to do some activity for at least an hour Watch a non trigger movie - this takes my mind to another place Play a game, preferably a board game Read an absorbing book, novel, comic Go for a run (preferably trail run in nature) Go for a cycle Go for an open water swim Do a workout - but I have found with physical training you have to put in double the effort, really break into a good sweat because only half doing the workout can make the urges worse Book a physio, chiropractor or massage therapist, or just go nuts on the foam roller & tennis ball Call up a friend(s) or family and arrange to meet up - remember that this meeting will be terrible and will leave an awful impression on your friend (s) if you relapse beforehand Plan to get to bed early, and best is have a planned meeting early the next morning (e.g. a workout or jog) so you are motivated to go to bed early Keep up the breathing exercises, but I find, when the urges come on, something more physical really helps Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly In the case I've peeked or worse still fished Treat it like a mini relapse Do the plane crash post mortem Get really really serious with yourself - what the fuck are you doing! Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly Watch the freedom fight video on relapsing Realise I just need get get trigger free days between me and that last peek Realise the delta fos b highways will be screaming for action Man up to these urges and face the bastards down This is the time for chest beating, really really go into battle mode Get out as much as possible Meet people as much as possible And if this is not possible then fill the days with activities or movies anything to take the mind off the trigger Post here Go for a very long hike, long run, long cycle - like get out for 3-4 hours min Ask for help Pray hard on hands and knees please St. Michael defend us !
Day 36 no PMO. I went on a couple walks. I am really enjoying watching the leaves fall as I walk. I came home from work and was all alone so O stayed downstairs and didn’t go near my bedroom (a place I would normally PMO) in order to avoid any routine temptations. My wife got home last night so order is restored in my world. Should be a good weekend.
You got this brother. Stay strong. Remember that a relapse won’t actually make you feel better… it will make you feel worse. Think about how you will Feel after you watch this video you are thinking about. It’s not worth it.
You are completely right. I am thinking now that I would watch and pmo only once. But it's clearly not truth. I would do it again and again and again until it's 15 pmo in one month. If you saw my calendars, pmo rarely walks alone for me. Thanks for support!
Early checking Today is my rest day Today's work Reading the deep work book.(ongoing) I share with you a funny video clip which is related to coding. Watch enjoy your weekend
Day 0 starting over. Well what can I say, disappointing really. Not beating up myself too much cause at least I made it past a week which I haven't done in a long time. I realize now one of the mistakes I've been making is counting the days I've not PMO when I should be making the days count! According to an article I found quote, "counting the days will most likely increase your likelihood of relapse because it means you’re always thinking about your addiction and as a result you’ll get tempting thoughts more often." I couldn't agree more. The more I think about the days of not doing PMO, the more I think about the addiction itself and the temptation. So as of now, I will reduce my time in the NoFap forums and mostly coming in just to check in. I will now also try to go out and exercise more often even tho a lot of the times I need to be on my laptop to finish college work and assignments. I need to start making the days count as much as possible. Best of luck to us all and stay strong!
Checking in Fellowship friends! 115 Days Free of PMO. A busy day ahead, what in preparation of next week. I will make the most of it and I am grateful. I got my total testosterone level yesterday and I'm happy to report it has increased by 20% since last year. It's not where I want it to be, but i'm on track and intend to continue on the same path. Still awaiting free and bioavailable levels of T. "The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny." -Albert Ellis Stay Strong! 115 days – At the Cross-roads, the point in Ithilien where the Harad-Road is crossed by the east-west road, you contemplate the statue of a king now beheaded by the cruel forces of PMO. Seeing the fallen head gives you hope for nature crowned it with flowers. @Baki Hanma Then let us both meet the challenge head on, overcome and grow from it brother. @icebreaker p Thank you brother and right back at you! @Repression Rise and rise again, until sheeps become lions. @Kairose I'm glad to hear you have closed off those accounts and I look forward to hearing about your growth in this next chapter of your life. @Paul S. Try your best my brother, it isn't an easy ask to avoid isolation but I can promise you, that you will feel better doing so. @PeaceOnEarth108 Good effort brother, keep at it! @Ready to Stop Well done on addressing a potential trigger brother. @Lone Skeleton Exactly brother, making the days count is what matters the most. Just keep rising and improving. Do not bash yourself for the relapse, this can only lead you to binge.
Day 8 ! I completed most of my things mentioned yesterday. Today I am going to work on 2 lessons of biology for my upcoming test as I plan to top it this time. Then I might do the remaining tomorrow and I will wake up early tomorrow i.e. at 6:30 am. Thankyou guys for support and accountability. I am going NNN this time. Had a few urges today but all the adult content is banned on my devices. So I had no chance of relapsing.
The most rough time of my nofap journey is here exams. I have got to make use of my time in a very productive way to get through this hurdle .
You're welcome, Paul, and thank you too, for your detailed and thoughtful reaction. It's very much appreciated! I won't argue about that. Thank you for your insights. And nobody's laughing at you! Ok, let's keep reproduction out of this for a moment. Because dopamine goes beyond sex and reproduction. It is a hormon that drive your actions, motivate you to do stuff. It's part of the reward center, although not it's only part (there are other hormones involved too, like serotonin for example). One example for the functioning of dopamine would be: you wake up in the morning, hungry. You're motivated to go in the kitchen and look in the fridge. Empty. Then you're motivated to go get some food. Maybe you buy it in the supermarket. The drive to do all this is triggered by the release of dopamine. Finally you have your groceries and you have breakfast. Now the dopamine spikes because you achieved your goal plus you fill your empty stomach. What happens during pmo? Because the primitive brain functions can't differentiate between real mates and real sex and the fake of it which is porn, it releases extreme amounts of dopamine. Compared to working, exercising, looking for real mates this is a ritual of effortless instant gratification. But from the brains perspective (and also our own I would argue) pmo is nevertheless a hyperactive state, we click, we hunt, we engage and we trigger all those chemical release. It may start with the goal "look up model A" and the implicite goal of self-stimulating to O. But on the way we find many more goals (and rewards!) and the hunt goes on and on ... Finally we end up dopamine-depleted (never zero but too low) because this hormon is a non-infinite yet renewable ressource. The other problem is that these high dopamine spikes may create not only a momentary low (until it's replenished) but over time lower our base-level of dopamine which equals low drive, bad moods and other problems. (Plus this reduction of dopamine receptors but I don't understand really why and when. The good news here is: they can come back). This can happen to the porn addict or to the drug addicts. But even to healthy people with very exiting lives, full of adventures (at least then it's worth it). I think most of us rather aim for an exiting life then one without surprises. But it's good to understand these mechanism, for example that we can have a crash after we've achieved something big or had a lot of exitement. Because our intuition is rather than we get depressed because of a life too boring and without enough exitement. But (imho) when we want to do a lot of tedious work or learning over a longer period of time, maybe it's a good idea to cut all the sources of high dopamine release short for a while. The withdrawal of high dopamine spikes through reliable sources of course creates withdrawal symptoms. So when your brain suddenly switches from porn to clothed girls from the sport channel, it's actually a good sign. Your reaction to block the sports section was the right one, in my opinion. What you want is an uncoupling from your reward system to females on a screen and a re-coupling to "the real thing". Well at least in parts, because since we will continue to watch people on screens we will continue to feel aroused sometimes by some of them, but that's of course completely natural. So while blocking and avoiding is a good tool for us that we should use, at some point we have to get used to our reactions and deal with. Of course we don't look at porn to see if we still have a brain that wants unnatural high and effortless dopamine kicks and if we still NOT have the sheer willpower to hold it back But all the more natural or unavoidable stimula are learning material for us. It's a long process
Day 9 I'm sick. Caught a cold. Guys, I need advice please. Tomorrow I'll get my wlan back. I feel capable of avoiding a relapse. I did a lot of soul searching in the last days and I know my reasons. However I'm aware of all those urges that also are there. But the question is: what do I when I have it back and what do I use it for ? Since I'm sick, it would make sense to just entertain myself with movies and things like that. As for prevention I should never use my devices in the bedroom or on the toilet and always keep curtains open. But I'm just not sure, is it a good idea to indulge into entertainment on the weekend. Are there better options. Maybe mix pleasure with doing some chores? Much work or effort is out of the question, anyway. As long as I'm really sick.
Man if I knew how to not watch porn I would have stopped it long time ago. I just know that this addiction is very strong and must not be underestimated. It can overwelm us even if we feel very safe. And I know that my porn consumption is coupled to video games or binge watching. In the past I was just alternating between these three and sleep, sometimes for whole weeks. Spending too much time with electronic devices will cause a relapse, definitively. So my advice is: Be careful! Don't lose your 9 days!
My advice would be same as I give to myself. Look at this as OPPORTUNITY to get stronger and heal (from pmo and cold ). It changes whole perspective for the brains. Instead of wallowing in negative emotions of feeling at risk, feeling bored, feeling urges, you will wallow in good emotions such as hope of healing, letting go of the past and looking to the future with optimizm, feeling well-challenged etc. If you see that this doesn't work. Let emotions be as they are. If you feel down, then just sleep around (if you sick that's also a priority), if you feel irritated due to virus tomorrow, then smash the cup into the wall or pound electric radiator, if you feel sad or frustrated, then cry... Learn to let your emotions out in other ways. Not only through pmo. But as @PeaceOnEarth108 said we are not the ones to give tangible advice. If I knew what I was doing, I would be free for 732 days (not just 20 as now). I joined the forums first time 2020 November 2.
Day 4 Thoughts: 2/5 Urges: 1/5 Finally got some energy back today, decided to use it to catch up on some housework.
Thanks @PeaceOnEarth108 & @Paul S. for your answers! I feel better now. Also not so ill anymore. I agree, not to do p is the priority here and it can't be underlined enough. How much I endulge into movies or surfing is rather secondary. I'll enjoy myself a bit. But for sake of keeping things under control and also I don't see why I should binge all day with entertainment, I'll be careful. keep track of how long I surf and what I want to find or do online decide for a movie or a mini series and don't overindulge balance meaningful activities and pure entertainment do some household chores in between go for walks, 2 hours + (if enough energy) stay in contact (forum) if feeling tired, sleep no screens from 9 pm on, go to bed around 10 pm It's a little experiment. I'm exited how it goes. I'll have the chance to grow and I'll try to observe how my online activities influence my urges. It's risky of course. I could just postpone getting back wlan at home. But I feel as if I have open lessons that I never finished. Probably I'll restrict my internet again, later on. So the temptation to exploit it is definitely there, but I try not to identify with it. It's the hijacker who wants all that. But I have many reasons to - whatever I do - not open up one of these sites and stop all activities of fishing or physical stimulation. Of course it could be that I get in a state of emergency. But then I still have options: leave the house. Or simply go back to my slow internet state for a scheduled time. For sure, we both, the hijacker and I are already hyped up lol
