Day 457 hard times. I have no urges but I'm depressed. It's like all I want to do is to be alone, eat, and sleep. I don't have energy to do exercise, my feelings get weaker every day. Had two wet dreams in two days, probably I'll keep having em. My wet dreams, were me watching and searching p, but being conscious that I had to quit watching, to not relapse and be addicted again. Then after I quit searching or watching, the O. My mind and body are at war right now... Or maybe my spirit. Pray for me please
I'm getting better, I talked to a friend who basically made me realize all my problem was that I was getting away from God. Searching were I shouldn't search, running where I shouldn't run.
Day 10 I fell ill with an unknown illness that has incapacitated me for over a week now. I was completely bedridden, but have slowly been able to do basic things, but still feel fairly sick. I managed to hang onto my streak, but everything else went to hell... I'm going to take as much time off life as I need to recover though, maybe this is a blessing in disguise giving me the opportunity to pace. I can spend the whole day out of bed now, so it seems like a good time to get a sleeping pattern going again as a next step. I was trying to sleep as much as humanly possible as I couldn't do much and thought more sleep would equal faster recovery. As for nofap, been having the urges starting to come on strong... I just need to remind myself I'm not someone who does pmo anymore. Once I fully get over this sickness I will try to land a date.
Week 2 Check-In Heading into sensitive pathways Week 3 now again, been down this road before, the warm and fuzzies of the urges are lies. They are the call of the sirens that murder the sleepy sailor. I need to see the urges not as comfort but as neon warning signs of danger and to flee from them. Lowest this week was Thursday when I hit exhaustion very quickly as logged above, from 2 late nights Sometimes I wonder if rather than relapsing when I am in the pits of exhasution, there is a greater danger when exiting out of that state, or an illness or whatever, when you start to feel a little good again - body and mind taste what it's like to feel a little better and wants more and knows there is a fast track to that is P What is the main double bind this week - feeling tired, feeling self-pity, but at the same time needing to kick myself - the answer to this is to rest, schedule this rest and stick to this rest and when not resting do what I have to do, instead of loitering around in my head waiting for some dark rationale to tell me that what I need is a relapse. PMO is so unbelievably insidious, a vicious starving anaconda, yearning to devour you whole, dressed in gentle soothing comfort blankets for the mind - throw off the comfort blanket, reveal the serpent within, and flee! Commitment for this week - Either I stop procrastinating the work I know I need to get done and press into the pain of fear of failure on this assignment OR I continue to procrastinate by surfing Football, Social Media, News etc... and feel good but then later face the consequence of being behind and become even more stressed.
I love LOTR. I'm in! Starting on day 4 as a hobbit. Looks like I've already met Tom Bombadil. Just grabbed the Fellowship of the Ring off my bookshelf so I can read along at the same time. I haven't read this in a decade!
Checking in Fellowship friends! 117 Days Free of PMO. Today begins the first of the 3 days of my own battle. My aim is to grow from this experience, face it as I should. Interestingly enough a fantasy crept into my mind early this morning, clearly an attempt to distract me from my perceived discomfort. I did not engage with it however and put a sharp end to that thought. I have a few things on the list today and I intend to tackle them as best as I can. Stay strong! @NeverDefeated Welcome to the fellowship brother!
Day 193 Time is going very fast . But I think I have enough time to do my work. Busy week Good night brothers
Day 6 Urges 3/5 Thoughts 2/5 The urges are starting back up again, just about right on schedule, but I'm holding strong.
Have not checked in in a few days. I am at 2 days. Going well. I am doing so good. I am feeling loved.
I am so afraid of losing that I often backed out of competitions and exams even before I take part, even if I take part in it I often end up making a mess of it because of this uncertain feeling. And I have relied on Pmo for giving me the dopamine to get through this . Sometimes the anxiety was too high that I would have to rely on Pmo until the get past me. Quitting PMO is the first step towards the right direction right , I don't want to rely on Pmo again to stay calm.
I decide to destroy the porn ring! I'm a Hobbit now. I must take the ring to the place where he was made, Mount Doom. I left Hobbiton heading for Bree. 0 days no PM 0 days video games 7 days no hot shower 0 days no caffeine staying strong on the cold showers
