The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 60

Fight harder brothers, know matter how hard it gets keep fighting .

 

Congrats on two weeks!

 

Day 5 night check in
Just reporting a sexual dream that I had this afternoon while taking a nap.
I'm okay, but this made me get on alert mode

 

Woke around 3am with stress but took the time to write them down. a) recurring flirtation with 2 married women in work - corrective action - stop all flirtation with them now; b) many days of very sub optimal work - action continue procrastination course & develop into gtd thereafter; c) too many conflicting extra curricular activities - prioritise and stick to these priorities - be sure to do these tasks after exercise rather than just crashing

 

Day 26 no PMO. No problems today. Went to a Christmas Tree lighting event with my family and had fun.

 

Day 3

 

15 days The Elven town of Rivendell greets your arrival. A Council of representants explains the path to Mordor in detail. You´re an Elf now.

Finally escaping Hobbit mode. So proud of myself

 

Congratulations brother, you can do it. Brother you can celebrate your victories after competing these goals. Celebrating victories give us energy to achieve higher goals. Good luck

 

Day 222
Crazy palindrome, beautiful number

 

Yes sir

 

28 days

 

Day 25
Trying to pass through Caradhras but the PMO forces were strong there. You make a detour to the Dwarven Realm of Moria.

 

8 days
Low urges yesterday, worked some job stuffs.
Today I worked out but too cold to take a cold shower
keep strong my brothers.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friends!

146 Days Free of PMO

Busy day, quick check in.

Stay Strong!

146 days – In the tower among the debris and spoils, you found a mithril coat, a part of the dwarven treasure hoard from the Lonely Mountain. Light as a feather and as hard as dragon-scales, it will protect you against porn attacks.

Quest Item – Mithril Coat

 

Day 6 Check in
Lazy day, not proud of that. I woke up late and ended up not doing the things that I should. But tomorrow I have another chance and I'll

 

Day 61

 

29 days

 

16 days – Touched by your bravery, the gentle Elves of Rivendell give you an elven cloak. The cloak has a hood and is fastened by a green brooch. It acts as camouflage when PMO units are around.

Quest Item - Elven Cloak

Considered to PMO a few minutes ago. But I know I would regret it afterwards. As I'm doing since many years.

 

Day 5

Forgot to post yesterday. All is well

 

Double Binds from FF:
Either I stop procrastinating the work I know I need to get done and lean into the pain of fear of failure on this assignment OR I continue to procrastinate by surfing ESPN, YouTube, News etc... and feel good but then later face the consequence of being behind and become even more stressed.
Either I stop and address these feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy with my commitment to never allow another harmful action of thought word action OR I continue to feed off the shame of feeling like trash and alone and worthless until I eventually relapse.
Either I can fight to press into my relationships and reach out to the men around me and seek to connect with them (which can be hard) OR I continue to isolate and eventually the loneliness and isolation will lead to relapse.
Either I take the time to slow down and be present by filling out the FASTER scale/reflecting on where I am by checking in with someone in my group OR I continue to speed up and try to outrun my current emotional pain until I eventually relapse.
Either I have the hard conversation that I need to have but don’t want to OR I try to numb the anxiety with a media binge.
Either I ask for help in getting organized and dealing with my scattered life style OR I continue to limp along with my unmanaged life which causes more stress and anxiety.

Either I reach out and ask for help before I go home or to another place with a history of relapsing and come up with a game plan OR I wait until I get there and see how it goes. I’m afraid of looking weak to others so I go it alone and don’t reach out resulting in relapse.
Either I make a call and check in and confess being weak and exhausted (but I fear being vulnerable and sounding weak) and get it out in the open OR I can try to speed up or just ignore it and just see how it ends up playing out.
Either I confess my relapse and risk the condemnation of others. Reinforcing the fear that if people really knew me, they would not like me. OR I hide the relapse to avoid potential condemnation. However, the guilt will eat me up and I’ll be isolated, and I will most likely relapse again soon