The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 52!

 

47 days
Welcome @MochiBagelBoy

 

Questions to answer after crash

• Last relapse time place trigger 12pm Friday saw an article on vr and started surfing to avoid monotonous tasks. Also still had chase from previous Sunday which was first E in 100 days due to needing to let go of past relationship
• Emotion at time - full on procrastination mode but deep down Fris are lonely times for the single man
• What accelerated the fall? started fishing, and my conscience didn't even kick in , I guess I was just on auto pilot to get away from the mental pain of loneliness, drudgery and of nothing changing. I also still had the chase from the Sun before, & didn't have same sense of danger as I had when I started my last streak last October
• I am going to keep my promise to do a 3 day fast and prayer in March as a consequence of this
• Rationalisation used - complete shutdown of prefeontal cortex just on autopilot to avoid pain of drudgery and lonliness
• What boundaries were ignored?Boundary of allowing sexual fantasy and looking at sexual content; Boundary to never fish again; Boundary to stop fishing ( convinced myself that once you pop u can't stop - untrue, another lie, just unwilling to bear thediscomfort of desire); Boundary to go onto P sites; Boundary to never look at clips; Boundary to never binge - all of these boundaries were violated
• What triggers? The main trigger that derailed me after 100 days was my ex reaching out to say she has a family of her own now. Although this is totally normal it shattered a deep fantasy that in the end we would get back together. This lead to going to an e which lead to the chase feeling. I also have a friend who is supposed to be getting out of a bad situation but is still in it and then on the day I ate a bar of Lindt chocolate the morning of the fall. Chocolate like this can be deadly as it can have a shutdown effect on the prefrontal cortex and nd hence aids the no-conscience on the day. I then started fishing based on a curiosity rather than an urge, although I did have a strong urge to procrastinate the task at hand and avoid the feeling of reality (loneliness heading into the weekend) that doing such tasks brings.

 

I’ve been absent for quite some days. My bad.
A lot happened, meanwhile. I went from having an okay streak to flapping on Friday. And that made me absolutely depressed and pissed off at myself. The next day I took a recovery day, deliberately did no study, and by the end of the day was feeling good. Ready to begin. I shook off all the negativity and, here I am.

Failure, if taken, are lessons. I think, I’m done fearing, slipping. Reminds me of a meme,…

This sums my relation with internet.

Thing is, ever since the first time I used internet it was for seeking P. Over the years internet, P and phones/tech got inter-associated for me. So,… more than a year ago I actually developed a fear of these things. I even dumped my phone, for a dumb phone. It worked. But the meme is right. It’s not absolute. I got a 110 day streak, my highest so far. But,… not total freedom. And, since then I have been struggling. Because I “need” to use phones and internet for some part of my daily activity. But my fear of it, leads to other things. So,.. simple. I’ll destroy that fear too.


We are all too mighty to be held prisoners by PMO forces. And that power once realised, marks the end of PMO.

 

Day 1, and now I have sting! I have a lot of work to do today, so I know that'll keep me well occupied.

 

@Vicegerent brother ,you have plenty of time to build your character. Brother you can go to the gym and build your aesthetic body. Trust me , It will boost your confident. First thing is build your body. After that if you like you can find a girlfriend in high school or college. You can find a girl easily if you build your aesthetic body. finding girlfriend will help you to understand women's behavior and she will help your studies.Or If you are in relationship with a girl, i think going to gym will help you to attract her lot. These days I'm watching Hamza videos and get some new ideas from him in yt. I think It will help you lot. Because lot of teenagers are in Hamza's discord server and they make their progress in life. I also joined to that Discord server. If you like you can find his discord server on his yt channel. You can find his channel by typing hamza in yt. I think this information will help you. Good luck brother

 

Day 284

 

Starting to see that urges arise out of desire to escape emotional, mental pain, no matter how small, rather than just arising out of desire for pleasure per se. This has to be the difference on this streak, I must face, embrace, live with and heal the pain otherwise this will never end. Even today mild urges but all related to not wanting to stick at the task at hand. Of course this then is compounded by the low dopamine from the fall on Friday. So not only do I have to accept and embrace the pain of normal life, I need to accept that I am going to need to surf the pain of low dopamine for the next 4 weeks. I am committing to doing this to this Fellowship now. Thank you for your support.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friend's!

16 Day Free of PMO.

Difficult day, I feel like i'm on the brink of catching a cold and I don't feel the best. Have done all the remedies to stop it where it's at. Did manage to be productive at work and also do some exposure today.

Stay Strong!

16 days – Touched by your bravery, the gentle Elves of Rivendell give you an elven cloak. The cloak has a hood and is fastened by a green brooch. It acts as camouflage when PMO units are around.

Quest Item - Elven Cloak

@MochiBagelBoy Welcome to the Fellowship brother!

@kaerhal Congrats on ranking up!

@e r i k _ s a t i e Rise again brother, you've proven to yourself that you can go the distance now do it once more.

 

48 days – With boats given by the Elfs you sail on the river Anduin. The journey continues south to Amon Hên.

I just love LOTR

 

Day 53!

 

https://sexandrelationshiphealing.c...ddiction-isnt-enough-entire-four-part-series/

 

Day 285

 

15 days
High urges on saturday nigth, manage them going directly to bed and trying to sleep. Normal weekend, was fun and worked a bit of time.
Today I worked out and took a cold shower.
Keep strong my brothers.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friend's

17 Day Free of PMO.

Today started off miserable, I was quite angry, lacking in sleep and quite stressed. As the day developed, things got better and I was quit productive at work. Hoping I will sleep better tonight. Urges this morning arose, but nothing intense.

Stay Strong!

@PeaceOnEarth108 It is quite something, huh? Keep going brother !!

@Paul S. Don't quit brother, we're still here.
@HE^MAN Brother, how are you fairing?
@Anew2019 Don't disappear brother, you can fight this.

@MS PBH , @Slider8 , @Anas778 @breaking-myths @Ready to Stop, @Niklaus The lord of Owls I haven't seen a post from you guys in a while, is everything okay?

 

Day 0

I relapsed yet again. It hurts to tell you about it. I’ve let you down, and i’m embarrased.

But i also again learned something very important from this.
That it is the thought, or specifically the fantasising, that creates the urge.

The strongest urges, the ones which led to relapses, all started as a thought. If we can just stop it right there in its birth, things will be easier.

I will do this by, just in general, focus 100% on what im doing. That way, the pmo thought will never enter.
But things aren’t that easy, and the above is something that we just always have to work on.
So wilst trying to focus 100% on the things we do, there will be moments were out minds wander and turn to porn.

This will create an urge, which could very easily lead to a relapse. The urge increases the more i think about it, so i would have even more focus on not thinking about it.
In such situations where i can’t control my thoughts and i can feel the urge getting bigger and bigger, i will go for desperate/radical mesures; i will go to a place where i can still be productive but can’t relapse, and for me this is the public library just down the street. It could also be a café or university depending on your situation.
I will then stay there until i can control my thoughts well again, so the urges wont spiral out of control.

At any time were my emotional side creates a feeling of discomfort or pain or anxiety or the like, because i dont let myself think about porn even though it wants to, i will do a responsive entry to reckognise the emotion and understand why its there, and to be okay with it because the feeling dosen’t control my actions.
That will maybe lower the intensity of the urge, ehich allow for greater control of the thoughts.

I’ve shifted the point of importance futher to the root of the action. Not relapsing is still the most important thing, but by putting all my effort at the birth of the relapse process, i’ve made doing the right thing easier because i dont let my emotional mind get a taste of pmo by thinking about it.

The area where it might go wrong is, apart from just going against my ideals and let myself think about it, is if i think about while on autopilot (not aware of my thought and not being critical of them), and when i then regain awareness and stop, the urge will already be so big that i cant control my mind even though i am aware.
This is when i then go to the library to regain control of my thoughts.

I hope it makes sense and may inspire you.

PS. @Redemptionisrequired you are a great and caring person, reaching out to past fellows like that. I am very grateful to have you in the fellowship.

 

Day 37

Finally had a full day off after a long week. Fatigue has been catching up with me and has made it harder to avoid relapsing, but I made myself go to bed early last night to dispel my arousal.

Spent the day celebrating with my girlfriend; her project finally launched and it’s been a huge success, great to spend some quality time with her without it looming over us. A busy few days ahead, but I’m confident I can push through this patch of urges.

 

49 days

We need to be watchful of benchmarks. They are actually quite a challenge because after them the exitement and expectation and hope drops. We feel like there is no mission and the next benchmark is so far away.

@theonlyway I know that feel. I must be more careful with my thoughts.

@Redemptionisrequired I hope they are doing ok. Whenever I'm absent for weeks and months it means that I've given up and am too ashamed to come back and admit my failure.
But also sometimes I believe that I don't need NoFap or the Fellowship but truth is this struggle is so difficult alone.

 

Day 54!

 

I am in