The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 6 - Hobbit

 

Day 42.

I am tempted to relapse. Very much. It would be so fun to shut down blockers and watch something. So, it will be more like a survival day. In some sense, this day is more important than most of 41 days before. It's easy to do this, when it's easy. It's difficult to do this, when it's difficult. Often I forget to be grateful. I should be grateful now. 42 days is something. I thank God for that. Now I am in tough situation. Maybe it's a test. I understand. I have a choice. I can choose between the pleasure and keeping my promise to not watch. I won't lie to myself - relapsing now would be very pleasurable (until it's over). Keeping my promise seems difficult and annoying. There are thoughts inside, that there is no hope in this anyway, so why even bother. Hm... Thoughts are just thoughts.

Dark, cloudy day. I am not sure I like. I have to remember sunny days and purity. This will give me strength.

One morning. Or maybe it was a day.
Not important now.
I was lying in the meadow.
In my eyes sunshine was playing.
I was looking somewhere far away, where stars are sleeping.
I was thinking.
My thoughs were like feathers in the river of the sky -
Without an end or beginning.
Darkness - when in pain.
Light - when hopeful.

Let's stay strong. Let's keep dreaming. I shouldn't be afraid to dream. Who knows. Maybe one day I will get a chance to race cars. At least for a little while. And... Who knows. Maybe, this streak will lead to 365 days no pmo. Why not?

Spoiler: Journey stuff

Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 42.
No caffeine (no coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.).
Calisthenics workout every Saturday. I can do one additional workout on any chosen day.

 

Day 42. II.

It's getting worse. I have thoughts "Well.. I talked big, ambitious and hopeful. That's nice. How about doing the stuff that I really want to do now? How about doing pmo, which is really what I want."

Hm... Good question. What do I really want?

Maybe I'm just confused. Let's just agree on this. Before the relapse, I will go for a walk now. Maybe I'll change my mind. Maybe I still want freedom more than pmo now, but I am confused by "addiction".

Spoiler: Journey stuff

Hard mode + no shutting blockers down - day 42.
No caffeine (no coffee, tea, chocolate, etc.).
Calisthenics workout every Saturday. I can do one additional workout on any chosen day.

 

Start of Day 3... relax and enjoy your Day!

 

Day 336
@LZR I'm glad to hear that my journal was helped you brother
Another beautiful song

 

Day 74 - Warrior

 

Day 6

 

I think I made a mistake and have to adjust my streak here, because I actually just reread the original post of this challenge thread and realized that one of the rules of this challenge is to avoid psubs:

I think I probably read that when I first joined over 3 months ago, but I forgot about it since, since most challenges here only have a no PMO rule. But for whatever reason I reread the original post of this challenge today and noticed this...
Unfortunately I did watch some psubs about 30 days ago. It was a written post on the internet, which in and of itself was not written for erotic purposes, but I did reread it a couple of times because it subjectively aroused me. So because of that I am resetting my day count for this challenge! Well, not exactly resetting, but rather adjusting, I should say, or retroactively resetting, if you will: it's day 30 right now, not day 104, since I last consumed that psub 29 (going 30) days ago.

Sorry for forgetting the rules guys, it's just that most challenges don't count psubs as a reset, since it's not technically porn. But hey, that's how the OP made the challange so gotta be honest—rules are rules. Sorry for not noticing.

Day 30!

 

Day 1

 

I think that is an honest mistake. Not sure you need to reset for that. As long as you don’t use psubs on purpose I think you are fine. I admire your honesty and commitment!

 

45 days – After leaving Moria, you enter the Kingdom of the Silvan Elves, Lothlórien.
One and a half months now. Never thought I would see this day. My longest streak before NoFap was ~20 days. My hope is to finish this challenge and be free of P forever.

 

Thank you, I appreciate the support man, but I did use them on purpose, that's the problem; I knew that me clicking on that text and reading it will arouse me—I rationalized in my head that it's no big deal cause it's not porn. I always planned to stay away from psubs, but that time I simply slipped to the urge—it is what it is. But at least I still have not watched actual porn or read erotic literature, so I have that streak going for me in other challenges I am in, but for this one I will reset.

 

Checking in Fellowship Friend's!

12 day Free of PMO.

Stay Strong!

@PeaceOnEarth108 Thank you for sharing brother!

@Paul S. What do you think is causing this desire to relapse? What is currently going on in your life that is pulling you that way? These are questions you should reflect on it.

@Ūruz Thank you for your honesty brother, especially on mentioning it was an intentional search. Keep things honest in our recovery is important and you should be proud of yourself for that! Keep moving forward!

 

Day 10

Double digits! Great to be back on the journey again.

 

Day 2

 

13 days
Low urges in general this days
Worked out and took a cold shower. Still eating healthy. The last week I met a new girl that I like, I hope to keep dating her .
Keep strong my brothers.

 

Day 7 Complete - Hobbit

One week in. More clear headed, confidence increased, more calm and accepting of the present moment

 

Day 0...

Finally knowing how weak and pathetic I am...
This is a good thing. Even though the world says otherwise... I'm miserable, fearful, I want others to accept me...

So many things that I don't like or even that I hate like self pity... Are a part of me... Now finally I can see it... And may be I'll be able to finally heal... Probably I'll need to go deep in my conscious, sure as hell it won't be easy.

God will be my strength. God's strength is better shown in our weakness. I will heal for sure, if I'm holding God's hand...

For when I'm weak, then I am strong. 2 Cor 12,10

Pray for me

 

2 days
Stay vigilant

 

Check in day 39