Didn't write yesterday. I didn't want to. Today I think I want to.
Like last year, I'll count battles won against pmo. I feel that I want some game element to abstinence. It will be fun. For a while. When I am bored, I'll ditch it again.
The book I read now "La vie en abondance" is a good reminder that purity is not this sudden perfect state where I control all my sexuality and all my emotions. It is a journey. Difficult one.
Failing is a part of the process. Streak number is a fine metric, but it fuels my perfectionism. If I relapse, I feel like I lost all my progress, which is not true, considering how much small battles I win every day.
I feel that I am moving nowhere with this no pmo thing. And that despair can make things worse -- make me relapse.
Another topic. Kept my promise to go to the church. It was raining but it didn't make me low. It made me calm. Reminded of some stuff I forgot in my childhood. When a memory is gone but emotion is still there.
I don't know... In short. Days. Midnights. Love. Hate. Attention. Silence. Pain. Irritation. Impatience. A peach. Envy. Lack. Dissapointment. Forgiveness. Self compassion. Too much. Enough is enough. Forest. Tears. Meaning. Hungry. More dissapointment. Friendship. Hope. Tribe. List. Mistakes. Ice cube. Justice. Automobile machine car. Failure. Proof. Lunar song. Walls. Scared cat. Lonely. Abandoned. Hope. Home. Love to God.
Battles won against pmo: 9.
Next reward - denim jacket on October 18th.
Hardmodes - day 12.
No matter what happens in my life, this is important to me and this streak has to continue.
No coffee. No caffeine at all.
Calisthenics workout 3 times a week.
I’m in! I will cast my ring into the fiery pits of Mount Doom! Right now I’m on day 3 of my current streak, so I’ve just crossed the Brandywine River. I’ve always wanted to be a Hobbit. They tap into my love of the English countryside.
170 days – Lord Elrond, on the wings of Gwaihir, meets your path. “My Lord, here is a new sword for you, rebuilt from the shards of Narsil!”. Very bright was the sword when made whole again, the light of the sun shone redly in it and the light of the moon shone cold.
Grasping the sword you declare to all land: “This is Andúril, Flame of the West! May it lighten my path and vanquish the perils ahead!”
60 days – On your path you meet Treebeard, the oldest of the Ents. He offers you Ent-draughts, magical waters from Fangorn ladled out into a large bowl. As you drink, the waters bring refreshment and vigour to every limb of your body.
Day 1: @RiseToGreatness Thank you for your advice brother!..It is my fault brother not autopilot..Now I'm building Old Baki day by day.
100 pushups completed..
Another Hanma here...
Day 171 @Baki Hanma you lost nothing bro. Your fight against PMO is still strong! You were an inspiration to me when I started, and will continue to remain so!