It has been a long time, fellowship. I have been living a good life, free of porn. But today, I broke down a little. I slipped up and watched P. I have no intentions to go back there again. And, I’ve finally decided, it’s due time I paid a visit. My life has been going well, I am much more social and that has filled the gap that I was filling with P last year, my recovery seemed to be going on a very good track.
But now, I am shunning those things again and P seems to be returning. My insecurities about myself, they are trying to take me over. And tell me I’m not good enough. But I know, I am good enough.
It’s a hard battle, this internal conflict. These conflicts in morality. I want to do a thing, but think it’s wrong. I am very religious. But surely, talking to a girl is way better than watching P. I was talking to one, but I felt myself getting too close. And I don’t want that. Its scary. I feel that at the most people can think of me is a friend, nothing closer than that. I may be wrong, that’s a high probability, I’ve never tried to make a girlfriend. I always thought I don’t look good enough. So,.. I am distancing myself, and feeling bad. And now again feeling the urge to watch P.
Pray for guidance.
Wish everybody luck.