The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Wow @RiseToGreatness was right! Today my urges were strong to watch porn loaded up the site then I thought... I have to be stronger. Brothers are cheering me on. My fiance' is cheering me on. It's not worth it. I successfully closed the site without any PMO. I still feel sad how quickly i loaded it up, but I was able to turn around without being enticed to click a video. I also am kind of wanting to be alone to reboot, after sex. Not necessarily because of my fiance', I just want to better combat the forces. I see I still have a strong link to porn even in regards to sex. It's crazy how damaging it is. Anyways long post just to say.... DAY 8! Thanks and love brothers and sisters!

 

Today would have been day 6 for me but I reseted. Here's why:

Maybe it seems a little bit silly for you, but I give a lot of importance to the date in which I start my streak. And tomorrow is a very special date for me because it's my 21st birthday. So today's reset was more of a number thing.

So tomorrow will be the time for me to really start being the man I want to be.

Day 0

 

21 days. Still foggy, but I have started to see the silver linings in the sky.

 

Well, day 32, the forces of PMO were stronger, I relapsed...
Starting again, Day 0.

 

98 days completed
Day 99 check in...

Not gonna lie but these last 10 days were the most struggling time for me to resist. I didn't fapped or edged but saw P-Subs. I don't know about what will happen in future, but I will try my best to continue my streak and to not see P-Subs intentionally ever again. This 100 days streak will give me a boost to continue my journey. And I will come out as a different person.

 

Day 2 checkin!

 

Day 3 completed successfully



All the best brothers
Your brother in this struggle

 

Day 2 finished. I'm trying out a few new tactics when it comes to processing urges and triggers which seem to be working well. But nobody said NoFap was going to be easy. In fact, today I realised we're essentially trading one kind of "hard" for another kind of "hard" .

 

@RiseToGreatness i want to join the fight, for the ring.

 

Day 49

 

Back to the challenge. Hope everyone is doing great.

I've failed myself and feel that I've reached a new low. I can't do it on my own. I'll be able one day but not now.

Two sides of myself are struggling to gain control over me. That's how it feels.
I either fall deeper or rise up again.

I don't have any expectations. Move on. Let's see what happens. Count me back in.

 

I don't know what's going on inside your head my friend, but for me that feeling has always been a tug of war between my emotional self and my rational self. My rational self wants to be free from PMO but my emotional self doesn't understand.

I know that when I pit these two sides against themselves it becomes a battle of attrition my emotional self always wins in the end (even if the campaign is weeks or months long). Instead, I find it's better for the rational part of myself to assume a "leader" position for my emotional self, but also the position of a caring friend. I like to treat my emotional self - the part that wants to use in order to cope - as being sick, but not irredeemable. Then through compassion and understanding leading the emotional self via the rational self.

Apologies if that sounds a bit abstract or woo-woo, but it really helps for me. Essentially, it's recognising that there really are two factions warring in your head: and one of them is warring for the side of porn. But it doesn't have to be a war. The two factions can be brought together and solve their differences diplomatically too, and this is the method that creates lasting change.

 

Happy Evening
On Day 11
Uruk – Hai yaaayyyyy

 

That's it. Thank you for responding. I still have the emotional connection that leads me back, no matter how reasonable/rational I'm trying to be.
I'll bring them together to resolve their differences.

 

Day 29 today. When I came out of the river Bruinen, I almost stumbeled and fell.
Today the urges were very strong and it resulted in my having a peek at an adult site ... Luckily I was able to close the tab quickly and go outside for a run. However, certain slip ups are not allowed to happen anymore. I hope the urges will not be too bad tomorrow

 

It's not a start from day zero brother, just remember that! Wishing you the best