Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
Strong urges today but going strong
Day 4 Check in!
I made it to 30 days but I unfortunately relapsed twice last night. I drank two beers while working on homework and then broke my rule of using my phone while in bed. I was initially using the Fortify app but then made the poor decision of peeking on Twitter (without signing in) and then went to a porn site. This relapse has taught me that I need to get better at urge surfing and changing my surroundings. I need to practice stronger discipline and not drink solo even if it initially seems like an innocent act. This is the first time I drank in a few weeks so I thought it wouldn't be a big deal and boy was I wrong.
I'm lucky to be in the career that I'm in but I can't help but feel that porn has held me back to some degree. I've thought on numerous occasions that I should be farther along and should have had a larger positive impact on the world by now. In reality, I've learned a variety of lessons and impacted a number of lives. There's a lot I want to do over the next 5 years and the next 10. Covid has forced me to adapt to how I will accomplish these goals and achieve my vision of future success. I need to maintain focus on not exclusively subtracting porn from my life but on adding meaningful changes to my life and the lives of others.
Relapses aside, I accomplished a few goals this past week including preparing and eating healthy meals, spending a day outside with a friend, continuing to work on grad school homework, exercising daily, and performing well at work. This streak is encouraging despite the relapses and peeks. I forgive myself for these relapses and acknowledge I need to be better at preventing them. I'm moving forward with new insights and a stronger focus on preventative measures. Gotta let go of PMO.
Messed up. Back to Orc I go.
Hang in there brother.
well said brother
i know what happened. don´t tell me
Check in Fellowship
Let´s welcome our returned brother @Rubzi . Good to be with you once more brother.
The following brothers have upgraded and reach places in Middle Earth. Congratulations!!!
@_Star_Platinum - Hobbit / Hobbiton (Good luck my brother. Your journey starts today. Godspeed!!! )
@Cartographer @Gandalf the White - Bree / Eriador
@kingsmokepoof - Lothlórien / Wilderland
Checking out brave Companion . Have a great day!!!
Continuing with easy_peasy.
Most users think that porn helps them to relax. It doesn’t. The frantic search to get the fix in those ’dark alleys of the internet’ and the internal struggle of straining at the leash to cross the red line certainly doesn’t sound like a very relaxing activity.
As night rolls in after a trip to a new place or a long day, we sit down to relax, relieving our hunger, thirst and are completely satisfied. The user is not, as they have another hunger to satisfy. Users think of porn as the icing on the cake, but in actuality it’s the ’little monster’ that needs feeding. The truth is that the addict can never be completely relaxed and going through life it gets exponentially worse. Take one online comment from an ex-user:
“I really believed that I had an evil demon in my make up, I now know that I had, however it wasn’t some inherent flaw in my character but the little internet porn monster that was creating the problem. During those times I thought I had all the problems in the world, but when I look back on my life I wonder where all the great stress was. In everything else in my life I was in control, only thing controlling me was porn slavery. The sad thing is that even today I can’t convince my children that it was the slavery that caused me to be so irritable.”
Every time I hear porn addicts trying to justify their addiction the message is, “Oh it helps me to relax.” Take the online account of a single dad whose six year old son wanted to share his bed in the night after a scary movie, but the dad would refuse so that he could have his session and edge for hours.
Here’s another smoking analogy, a couple of years ago adoption authorities threatened to prevent smokers from adopting children. A man rang up, irate. “You’re completely wrong”, he said, “I can remember when I was a child, if I had a contentious matter to raise with my mother, I would wait until she lit a cigarette because she was more relaxed then.” Why couldn’t the man talk to his mother when she wasn’t smoking a cigarette?
Why are some users so stressed when they’re not getting their fix, even after real sex? One story online details a man working in the advertising field having 9s and 10s open for dates at any time, but lost interest in taking them out for dinner as internet porn was far easier, involved no restaurant spending and had no possibility of a ’no’ from his date at the end of an evening. Why be bothered when his little monster keeps him craving the low risk, high reward scheme at his fingertips upon reaching home?
Why are non-users completely relaxed then? Why are users not able to relax without a fix for a day or two? Read about the experience of a user taking the abstinence oath and quitting and you’ll notice the struggle with temptations, clearly not relaxed at all when no longer allowed to have the ’only pleasure’ they are ’entitled to enjoy’. They’ve forgotten what it’s like to be completely relaxed. Porn can be likened to a fly being caught in a pitcher plant, to begin with the fly is eating the nectar but at some imperceptible stage the plant begins to eat the fly.
Isn’t it time you climbed out of the plant?
Most users are aware of the progressive effects of porn’s novelty and escalation seeking has on their brains reward and sexual systems. However, they aren’t aware of the effect it has on their energy level.
One of the porn trap’s subtleties is that the effects it has upon us both physically and mentally, happen so gradually and imperceptibly that we remain unaware of them and instead regard withdrawal as normal. The effect is similar to that of bad eating habits, we look at people who are grossly overweight and wonder how they could have possibly allowed themselves to reach that state. But suppose that it happened overnight – you went to bed trim, rippling with muscles and not an ounce of fat on your body – and awoke to find yourself fat, bloated and pot-bellied. Instead of waking up feeling fully rested and full of energy, you feel miserable, lethargic, and barely able to open your eyes.
You’d be panic stricken, wondering what awful disease you had contracted overnight, and yet the disease is exactly the same. The fact it took you twenty years to arrive there is irrelevant. Porn is the same, if it was possible to immediately transfer your mind and body to give you a direct comparison on how you’d feel having stopped porn for just three weeks, that’s all that would be required to convince you. Asking if you’d really feel this good or what it really amounts to, “Had I really sunk that low?” You wouldn’t just feel healthier with more energy but sprouting far more confidence and a heightened ability to concentrate.
Lack of energy, tiredness and everything related to it is nicely swept under the rug of ’getting older’. Friends and colleagues who also live sedentary lifestyles further compound the normalisation of this behaviour. The belief that energy is the exclusive prerogative of children and teenagers and that old age begins in your twenties is another symptom of the brainwashing, as is being unaware of eating and exercise habits as a result of the compounding effects of dopamine desensitisation.
Shortly after stopping porn, the foggy and muggy feeling will leave you. The point being, with porn you’re always debiting your energy and in that process, tampering with the chemistry of your limbic system. Unlike quitting smoking, where the return of your physical and mental health is only gradual, quitting porn gives you excellent results from day one. Killing the ’little monster’ and closing the water slides takes a little bit of time, but recovering your reward centre is nothing like the slow slide into the pit. If you’re going through the trauma of the willpower method, any health or energy gains will be obliterated by the depression you’ll be going through. Unfortunately, it’s not possible for easy_peasy to immediately transfer you into your mind in three weeks time, but you can! You know instinctively that what you’re being told is correct, all you need to do is use your imagination!"
Day 20! I’ve made it to Bree!
Day 14. May God help me to do my best everyday.
Check in Day 10
Checking in on day 17!
Day 0, triggers got to me. No excuses this time.
I did it again. I relapsed for the third time in 24 hours. I was at home doing school work and I just went full brain dead zombie mode. If it weren't for covid, I'd try to go to a public library. That's still not an excuse to rampantly PMO. I should've exercised or gone for a walk outside.
My goals for the next week include:
No peeks, no edging, no porn, no nothin'
No unnecessary tech use and stay the fuck off of social media
Submit grad school assignments early
Plan activities and carry them out to fruition (while still being flexible and spontaneous to some degree)
Cook heathy food and eat it
Call friends and relatives
Read a damn book
Maintain motivation and focus at work
Watch the super bowl with friends and roommates
In case you can't tell from the profanity, I'm really mad at myself right now.
If you haven't read Fahrenheit 451 already (I know, almost every reader has), please consider that one!
May God help you to do what is best for everyone and everything involved in your life everyday(including you).
I think what you are doing is one of the ways to quit PMO forever.I mean that It looks like only hitting rock bottom will make you realize the harm of it.I mean all the way when you are puking,can't sleep,can't think and your heart gets fucked too. Go all the way and not stop untill you are all ruined and in pain so you can stop associating PMO with pleasure once and for all. If you manage to stay alive and sane you will become allergic to it.
I don't think I'll go that far, haha. I really just need to stay disciplined and enforce the rules I've already set for myself. Being able to voice my frustrations on this forum and through other outlets is a big help. Thanks for holding me accountable.
Day 87! I'm starting to enjoy doing daily check-ins, though I'm kinda disappointed that I don't have revelations to provide you yet as I'm usually doing this late at night and all my creativity/productivity is already used on other channels. The confidence is boosting up and I'm feeling more willing to challenge myself more and more. Now if that's not something to strive for... I don't know what is!
Today I fished and I felt awkward. My defenses must be reinforced, so the next days I don´t fall in worse content.
St. Maravillas of Jesus, intercede for us.