Day 5 Plans postponed, oh well. She is amazing in every way, the true exception to the rule. I can wait. No PMO issues, but I had trouble getting erect with just my mind. Gotta sensitize my brain.
Checking in on day 25! Meditate 30 minutes Trigger prevention plan The urges are getting stronger. My strict plan is saving me on such days.
"I spend the night at the old Watchtower of Amon Sûl. PMO forces are lurking in the area!" Gotta stay careful!
Day 66. Feeling good today. My mind is clear and the tracer effect from the story I read has not been too bad. I am really looking forward to addressing the anxieties I have around dating later on in my reset. I have been starting off slow by talking to girls I do not know and introducing myself. I have realized that I need to expose myself to more rejection so that it is not so traumatic when I girl rejects me. The stress and anxiety around rejection usually cause me to pursue sexual gratification through pornography. I feel that I am becoming more self aware as I travel down this road.
Day 95! Rumors about a certain ring start to spread throughout the world so much, that they reached even to my deaf ears. But which of them are true? I must go into the world and find out about it. There is little time to rest, I shall start moving into the world tomorrow at first light! Have a great night brothers!
Day 29, Big shout out to @RiseToGreatness. Thank you for your honesty and dedication to this community. I can say for certain that you have helped me reach 29 days, my longest streak to date of voluntary PMO abstinence. Thank you for helping me on this journey. And thank you to the rest of the Fellowship! Please stay safe and warm with this winter front pushing through
Checking in friends No PMO - Day 86 - 4 days to the 90 Reflections - It's all interlinked - starting a diet for Lent (gluttony), ramping up in work (laziness), feeling appropriate beneficial emotions after grabbing attention (vanity), this forum (lust), etc.... this quest cannot be done half heartedly or fragmented, it must be full on and complete Challenge daily your excuses to pmo - "I deserve it" - A perfect example of the upside-down thinking of the addict - total subliminal contradiction - like saying I deserve to cut my own balls off - wow that makes real sense! Exercise - No - have a strained hamstring Cold Shower - No Mindful Breathing - Yes Practise BRACE - Yes and it simply woke me out of day dreaming / sleep walking Procrastination - no Vanity - a bit of attention grabbing but not feeling it, not convinced of the lies my vanity tells me and I mean to continue to break it down until it is destroyed completely Acting the idiot, boasting, blather - Yes, I struggle not being the clown in groups but I am aware of it and its strength isn't there any more - I will stop this Study about the reboot - Freedom Fight Follow a triggers prevention plan - BRACE! Early to bed early to rise, getting off sugar slowly but surely (off sugar completely for Lent), do the tasks I set myself for this weekend please!, do not watch anything with triggers this weekend ( watch a few games instead ) Why am I doing this? - this forum is the fulcrum upon which the end of all my bad habits turn on the way to being finally alive Freedom Fight - Matthew 5:29-30 What value would you put on your life? If someone offered you all the money power and riches in the world, you would not and could not exchange your life for them - so how is PMO worth wasting this precious life for???? A radical approach to ending these life destroyers is needed, just as it says in Matthew 5:29-30 The FASTER scale! Restoration - Forgetting Priorities - Anxiety - Still Seeking Creating Drama Speeding up - Ticked off Exhausted Relapse Commitments for tomorrow - Humility, No PMO, Prepare for Lent, Exercise, Vigilance and Mindful of Thought (Extinguish all lustful fantasy before they are even a flame & any time I see a fault in another think of my own faults (of which I have infinitely more examples)), of Word (No bitching or complaining & Connect to my vulnerability by being reserved and quiet), of Action (Connect to my tasks and stay diligent and true to my commitments), Be very aware of danger everywhere for the next 4 days especially and most importantly do not take my eye off Gollum, not even for one second....
Day 43 I’ve had a difficult few days my brothers, I’m preparing for a life-changing interview in early March and the stress of preparation has been unbearable, to the point where I couldn’t stop myself from fishing for several hours earlier today. I found myself retreating to the ‘comfort’ of old habits and spent a while edging, and experienced the worst urges so far in 43 days, but just before it became too late I did something I’ve not managed before - I stopped. While I’m ashamed about my edging, I’m oddly surprised at how my brain was fighting the temptation to MO. I realised that if I committed to orgasm, it would be a nice feeling for a few fleeting moments before the clarity set in. I would have failed. I would have thrown away 42 days of progress, and this check-in would be much harder to write. I had the choice to relapse and start again at Day 0, or to calm down, dust myself off, and continue the challenge. To put this in the context of LOTR, I would compare this to Boromir’s moment of weakness trying to take the ring, only to release how grave his error was and to go on to defend Merry and Pippin to his dying breath. Today has been a reality check, I finally see PMO for what it truly is - an illusion, and a distraction from what truly matters. I suspect my oncoming weeks will linger with the tracer effect, but I will journey on to Moria.
Was triggered and started fishing. Almost went down a dark road. Took a deep breath and closed out after 5 minutes. Was triggered by something that popped up in my history and started treading water. Going to go grab dinner and take a second to let my brain reset.
