The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 47. Lord give me the strenght to be always better

 

233

 

Tuesday check in

Very glad I didn't give into urges yesterday, because I feel great today. Energetic, positive, and more focused.

Today I: lifted weights, worked on dissertation, did paperwork, meditated, prayed, walked, took a cold shower.

That's it for now.

 

Day 12 complete! Tuesdays are always super busy for me, so thoughts of PMO didn't stand a chance. I'm happy for that, as I had a dream last night which might have been dangerously triggering if I had too much time on my hands.

The past Friday-Saturday-Sunday I went running three days in a row. That was awesome. Wish I could have kept it up during the week but oh well.

 

Day 0

Yesterday I fell hard, I binged for hours without stopping myself.

This was kind of a good streak, at least by the standards I’ve thought there were enough at the time. but it became harder and harder, and now that I understand the term, I know that I’ve been fishing a whole lot over the days that were “good” and even a couple of times I’ve opened up porn in a reflex and then closed it almost immediately.

But I have to say that somehow reading what @OttarrTheVendelCrow had wrote when he had reached 90 days just broke me. It’s obviously not his fault and everything he wrote was really inspiring but I just really took it the wrong way because I was already so on the edge. I just want to quit so hard, and yet reading what he wrote about being able to reach 90 days without edging or fishing only because the fucose was on those first 20 days completely clean. Just made me feel like such a loser for not being able to make it two weeks even while “cheating”. And I just felt like there was no point in everything I’ve done up until now, and if I was going to restart the counter I might as wall fall down even deeper.

And yes. That was a stupid ass decision that only got me the worst brain fog I’ve had in a long time and the wish I could just crawl back to bad and let someone else do the hard stuff for me.

And while soaking in my own self-pity is fun and everything. I think it would be a bit batter to actually try and learn something from this. So today I’m starting over. With only one goal. To make it 2 weeks in a PERFECT mode. No picking, no fishing. No nothing. I’m looking to join a running group in my area to hole me accountable for at least running three times a week.

I was really depressed yesterday about all of this, but my girlfriend helped me realize that I’m still going in the right direction, and that falling won’t eliminate all that I’ve done up until now. A couple of hours later we wanted to watch a movie together and I’ve brought my laptop… and holy shit the shame of realizing that I did not closed the browser after the PMO was just two much. My great computer had the audacity to freeze for a couple of seconds while my girlfriend looked in horror at something like 20 tabs open with random acts of hardcore. It was just so too much.

I don’t know what else to say. I feel like I’m letting all you guys down. People are making it and improving their lives, and I’m just sitting here masturbating and still not having the power to make it even two weeks. (and yes, I can feel my own self pity again… but at least I’m more mindful about it)

 

Well, the depression due to NoFap comes from multiple failures to rise above PMO because those failures hurt your pride, your false self - esteem based on your achievements and possessions, whenever these crumble under the influence of multiple reasons you fall to hate everything that have caused it including yourself,your will.Yes you fall to hate,shame,anger,despondency and they become your vicious circle without escape. The solution is to see yourself as a part of God, of everything that surrounds you and that you have a part to play in this life,so just repent on failing your test(yes that was God testing you for only through the passing His tests can you progress in improving yourself) , admit your mistakes, repent on doing them, think about virtues you can reintroduce into your life's flow to allow you to pass His tests in the future(Like tolerance, forgiveness, temperance and moderation, like accepting God's will without any hard feelings but as just and holy) and do some good deeds for the society of people you live in, for the environment and nature you live in and your depression will disappear like smoke from the fire.

 

Yes you failed us all, but we belive in you and we love you brother. Repent for your sin against yourself by running for at least 3 miles every day for three weeks.

 

Hi. I am starting in this challenge. My current streak is 16 days, go for it.

 

Day 2,

Early morning checking. Trying to get my mind straight going into the day.

Mindset is master! Keep it positive!

Tallyho Fellowship!

 

Day 92. Checking in fellowship! I hope that everyone is doing well today

 

Day 3

 

Day 195. Checking in!

 

26 days.

 

Day 5 check in

 

Day 317.

 

Day 48. “Even the smallest person can change the course of the future.” — Galadriel
We all can do it, let's change the path of our future.¡¡

 

day 9