The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 1

 

Day 62, wet dream after two months.

 

Day 20 check-in (Attempt 4) - The village of Bree

 

Day 11 - The weekend has kind of sucked but I am finally catching up on work and I hope to get up at 5am tomorrow to call my friend and then take a cold shower. Additionally, I have not cooked myself eggs in over a week, and I am ready to do that again. Right now I am on call for work and I am going to do some homework and then go to bed about 9pm. That should give me about 8 hours of sleep which is just the right amount. I can actually survive on 6.5-7 hours of sleep, and when I get that much sleep, I am tired right away, but then this wave of energy kicks in that fuels the rest of my day. If I can get that much sleep every night (which I have not managed yet because I am easily unmotivated) then I think my life would be so much more successful.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 131. Had a nice day with friends and helped them move into their new house. The days seem to be flying by now that the weather is warmer.

 

Day 132. Had a terrible argument with my brother today. It definitely stresses me out when things like this happen and I am able to notice myself looking for an outlet. The need for an outlet has decreased substantially since starting this reset and my ability to sit with my emotions and process them improved drastically. Although difficult days are draining and I do not wish for them, I learn and grow the most from them. Valleys are simply part of the journey. I thought that this would be a good post to reshare one of my favorite visuals.

 

A couple of days ago I said something about a deadly curiosity, I must say that this faustian impulse of mine lead me to relapse. Back to the caves of Mordor...

 

Day 21

 

Day 21 check-in (Attempt 4) - The village of Bree

 

1 Day

 

Day 7 complete. Man, it feels good to be back at one week. Going strong!

I believe I've heard people say that testosterone usually peaks around 7 days, and that does seem to be the case today. I hung out with a female friend for a couple hours and the deadly, tiny whisper in the back of my head that tells me to use these experiences as fuel for PMO was there almost the whole time. But that voice is a fool and a liar. "I am the master of my fate; I am the captain of my soul."

 

Checking in on Day 134.

 

Day 0,

Not gonna lie folks, been on the struggle bus a bit with being a poopy head lol. Conversation can be triggering and I did reset yesterday.

Lets see where this goes!

Best to you all Fellowship!

 

14 days. Close call last night. Should keep my iPad out of arms reach for the next few days. Saw I soft image and it excited me very much. I will take it as a win because it showed me how much I have already healed. Started to type in my fav site soon as I saw it but stopped myself, put down my iPad and went to sleep.

I become a hobbit tommorow. Pretty excited about that. Have a good day my brothers and sisters in this fight.

 

278 days the stairs of Cirith Ungol
353 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Checking in. Feeling good on this side of 90, but I'm also noticing a general increase in horniness as spring hits full force. I believe that's natural--warm sun, leaves on the trees and flowers springing forth, my body is cued into the season and says it's time to start making babies.

What's nice about this feeling is that it's not attached to PMO. The urge isn't to hit the computer, it's to go out and be part of something real. I'll take that win, and I don't feel any white-knuckling behavior, more just a strong impulse to be out in the world and make something happen.

What's challenging is that, even though that's the biological season I'm in, it's not the season-of-life I'm in. I'm still processing my divorce, focused on being the best co-parent and father I can be, and working on strengthening the relationship with the best version of myself, for myself. There is no space to invite another person into my life right now, and any attempt to do so would only stem from a place of unhealthy need.

So the task at hand is continue to master sexual transmutation. I am literally overflowing with supercharged sexual energy; I feel it all around me, and through me. That energy is power, and rather than repressing it, I am taking full advantage of what that offers. I'm not crippled by unfulfilled sexual need, I'm empowered by an energy I'm learning to harness for my own benefit. It's hard to describe how important that change in mindset has been for me--in the past this feeling would materialize in me as a lack, a need that had to be filled somehow, a desperate desire that compelled poor choices and addiction. Hornyness would turn me into a beggar. This feels different, like I'm full of something that I can choose to share, when the time is right, and until then powers and motivates me into acting out of my best self. I'm learning to love this feeling, to want more of it rather than desperately trying to eliminate it as quickly as possible.

So bring it on, Spring. I'm ready.

 

Hello everyone. I've been absent the entire weekend since I relapsed Friday. I've been trying to lay out a plan to prepare for the coming storm in about 2-3 weeks because my temptations get a lot stronger then and that's when I gave in. So hopefully I can make it to at least a month and potentially more.

Checking in Day 3.

 

Day 235.

 

That is the spirit! show to the mind who rules , future hobbit