The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 4,

Some serious urges so I thought now might be a good time to post! Hanging in there and finals week, so major homework push! Having a P blocker is nice since I am discouraged from acting out.

Stay strong Fellowship!

 

Day 0 - I had a rough night last night. @RiseToGreatness words cut deep and I had flash backs to emotional abuse I sustained over the years, and I convinced myself that I was a bad person, and that bad people PMO. I realize of course that that was incorrect, but after Monday, I had a lot of people supporting me and telling me not to reset as it was just an accident, but a part of me felt that it was masturbation at least to an extent, and when Rise confirmed that, I started to spiral. I don't like being told things that I already know but am ashamed of. Monday I had a friend apologize to me over something he and another guy did, and I had not realized until that moment that I was angry with him. So while I did not mean to masturbate, it honestly makes sense because I was dealing with that, and my short PMO session last night was also the result of out of control emotions brought on by being called out on my crap. So now, I am going on 18.5 hours clean and though I have a lot to work through, I am starting fresh on every page.

Thank you @RiseToGreatness

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Thank you for sharing this @RiseToGreatness. The video was very enlightening !

 

279 days

 

Day 0,

Overconfidence is dangerous

 

Yes, we're almost there!

 

Day 27
Lets keep this going. I wish the best for all you brothers. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers

 

Day 2 complete!

A whirlwind of activities today, and urges were present in the evening, but I successfully utilized the technique of focusing my attention on what was happening around me and not dwelling on the urges or retreating into fantasies.

 

Relapsed again last night, but this time I am a lot more angry with myself. The first time, I think, was just a failure to realise what I was up against but this time I ignored the warning signs despite being aware of them. The way ahead is clear, don't underestimate the measures you need to take to free yourself of this thing!

 

In a shocking turn of events, I’m back, and in my favorite day. 0.

For a time I’ve gotten so frustrated with writing here about my failures that I’ve decided to step away from the form and only write again when I’ve reached day 7 or something like that. I was on day 4 when I cracked. So that wasn’t the greatest idea in the world. But at least I made it for 4 days which is still pretty good for me.

After much google work, I’ve added some P blockers to my computer and phone, and I hope that it will at least be a kind of speed bump to help me take a second to really think about stuff.

I don’t feel so great, but I’m not broken yet.

Good luck everyone, a new week of kicking ass is upon us. We can do this.

 

Day 27 check-in (Attempt 4) - The Watchtower of Amon Sûl

 

A lot of urges yesterday but i managed to stay busy and get through it.
Day 4 now

 

0 days. Had a couple falls yesterday. Been slipping lots. Been reading about diet and nofap. I wonder if pop isn’t making things worse. At work I don’t usually drink any pop. A few days before my days off I bought a 12 pack of pop. I find it odd that I started having troubles with pmo cravings around the same time. Been drinking pop on days off. I am going to do an experiment. No pop for a week then have a pop to see what happens. I am quitting drinking alcohol. Going to drink tulsi tea when I get home from work. Still off of dairy. Feels good to feel good after eating. Slowly start eating cleanly.

 

I'm back dear fellowship! I had a lot of thoughts and failures in the past month, but also successes until I managed to get back into the present moment which is right now, journaling again, being active again, being productive again. It's day 6 of NoFap and I'm finally feeling it!
I hope you will allow me one more time to join you on this Journey.

 

284 beyond the stairs of Cirith Ungol
359 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Day 1,

I left one device unprotected from my P blocker last night and I binged. This morning I am downloading Breathe on my laptop. Being honest with myself, I left the vulnerability there so that I could act out. I intend to take more preventative steps for my metal health.

Happy Sunday Fellowship!

 

Checking in friends

No PMO - Day 157 (Hi @RiseToGreatness does this mean I am a King?)
Exercise - Yes
Cold Shower - Yes
Reflections - Need to reingnite the fight. The pressure to relapse is still hanging over me. I need to shake off the skin of old and embrace this new life of connection, presence and virility and direct this new energy into work and staying alert.
Mindful Breathing - Not in the last 3 days, I commit I will do it today
Practise BRACE - not for ages - just did it there and it is incredible the difference it makes
Procrastination - Very busy in work, so I am in survival mode, diet and sleep patterns suffering, need to get back on track
Acting the idiot, boasting, blather - too busy, plus no false confidence thinking that people are truly impressed by my acting... they're not.
Study about the reboot - I posted this before but have had another look today

• If we take a conservative estimate that we spend 1 hour a day in lustful fantasy
• If you stop this fantasy now for the next 20 years
• You will save 7300 hours
• If we conservatively estimate that we are active in some way for 10 hours each day
• Then you have earned 730 days of activity
• That is 2 full years of freedom to do with what you will - Right Here Right Now
• 2 years of the most precious resource in our lives, time
• Time that is stolen from us by a little lying bastard of a monster in our minds
• Time that is rightfully ours
• And these are very conservative estimates

Challenge daily your excuses to pmo - I am worn out so this is a natural way to relax. P is utterly depraved and prevents me from relaxing naturally for months. I am still suffering the after effects of my last relapse almost 6 months ago.

Follow a triggers prevention plan - early to bed early to rise - mindful eating
Why am I doing this? -I am making a small sacrifice so I can experience life before it is too late. I am growing up.
Freedom Fight - Speeding up on the Faster Scale - super busy - exhausted - irritable

Commitments for tomorrow - No PMO, Extinguish all lustful fantasy before they are even a flame, Be Humble - a Hobbit, any time I see a fault in another think of my own faults (of which I have infinitely more examples), Connect to my tasks, Connect to my vulnerability by being reserved and quiet; Be vigilant of thought, word and actions; Be very aware of danger, pitfalls and most importantly do not take my eye off Gollum….

 

Day 7 - one full week - from Orc to Uruk Hai
On the Path
Onwards
4:30am

 

Checking in Day 9

 

Daily checking.

St. Agnes of Rome, pray for us!