The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 0 again.

There was nothing I could do. These urges come on so suddenly that it barely feels right to call them urges. One second I'm not masturbating, it's nowhere on my mind, and the next second I am, with no in-between. And once the edging starts, it's impossible to pull myself away until I'm finished.

I'm at a loss. I'm going to delete the porn blockers off my phone because it is the only thing I can think of to change up my strategy. Maybe less external accountability will cause me to be more internally accountable.

 

Day 2 trying to recover step by step

 

A fine observation brother!

 

Brothers, many of us like sports and the idea of getting stronger, but what is more important to you-to stay clean from pmo or to become bigger and stronger? If it is to stay clean from pmo I have an advice on how to significantly reduce the urges to nearly 0. This is the way of cutting down your food consumption to the amounts that only allow you to stop the pangs of hanger and if you manage to skip the breakfast it is even better.For every time we allow ourselves to eat to the heart's contents we are in danger of strong attack from urges. Maybe just try to experiment with it to find out how it affects your urges.

 

I think there is an interlink between feeling of being proud for a big number of days on the counter and relapses...

So that it's very important to stay humble despite high achievements.

and if you fall don't be bragging about it for you might just get stuck in your wrongdoing if you don't repent it but keep ignoring it like it was nothing.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.Psalms 51:17
and keep talking about not watching porn when MOed is a ridiculous attempt to save your ego from humiliation(like an alcoholic who gets to the bottle in the dark gets drunk but keeps bragging that he didn't see the bottle and was afraid/disgusted to put the lights on) and if you avoiding humiliation in the anonymous forum then the lust and pmo will stay with you forever.
...yes brothers @crazyhorse11 and @kingsmokepoof the thing is you got your 'clothes' torn and ragged-dirty but u keep bragging about a small piece left intact. Believe me your brain relives all the porn you watched in your life when you MOing.

 

day 14
@Slider8 yes true, stay humble despite high achievements.
It is remind me to Star Wars too , when Count Dooku says to Anakin.
"Good, twice the pride , double the fall"
I will put the humble in my plan of recovery too.

 

I think you're right. I put too much pride in what I achieved in terms of days rather than what I was doing for each day. It was similar to doing the streak not in spirit but for the sake of it, so I was doomed to relapse sooner or later -- my ego is the main thing that holds me back here. Instead of using my will and being disciplined, I used my ego and pride to push on which eventually was a fatal mistake. I put too much importance on being 'correct' (as in, getting through the day and adding another number to the counter) rather than doing the right thing (training, meditation, and so on).

Deep down I feel relieved to have reset, so hopefully, I'll do this the right way.

With not doing porn, I acknowledge the progress there in a sense that I didn't go on porn. At least there's something positive for me, because it would've been way worse for me if I had done so. It's a silver lining.

 

Checking in on Day 0. 171 days free of porn.

 

It is never too late to be someone better. Keep walking bro

 

0 days. No problems. Making positive changes. I will get there.

Prayer
Prayed my rosary last night. Little conversations with God.

Abstinence.
No food since last break yesterday. Fasting is making me stronger.

Rest.
Hit some golf balls last night. 6 and a half hours of sleep last night. The fall screwed me. Really tired this morning.

Exercise.
Got out for my morning walk this morning. 15 minutes. It was hard. Change is hard. It will get much easier. Going to just walk for a month every morning when I wake up before I even think about starting jogging.

Nutrition.
Multi vitamins, leafy greens, mini tomatoes and cucumbers,salad dressing, rice cakes, Spaghetti with tomato sauce and sausage. I am all done my pasta. I think I may avoid pasta now. Rice or potatoes.

Time
Being patient with myself. I will get past this. If I don’t I won’t be able to say I didn’t try. God willing I will. With some work for change.

 

Checking in. Be well everyone!

 

Checking in fellowship friends! Day 125. 197 days free of Porn! Wishing you all a great day.

125 days – You enter the region of Ithilien, "a fair country of climbing woods and swift-falling streams".

 

Day 18
Crossing the river

 

Thank you. Progress isn't linear and relapses happen; no shame in it, just learn from it.

 

Day 8

It has been a good day. Got some important work tasks done. My wife got a job offer and this may mean a move to the coast and a bigger house. Something we both want, but there as some complications with my job. Lots of decisions to make.

I will need my sobriety to ensure that we make the right decisions as a family.

Stay strong everyone!

 

Day 2
Step by step!

 

Checking in for day 16 - I became a Hobbit yesterday

 

Day 4