Day 1 is complete. Okay, I said I would make a post about my relapse yesterday. I made it six days, which shamefully is longest I've gone in a while, and I was still feeling good. I got a couple hours of work done in the morning, then went for a long run before lunch. After that I did a cold shower and had a protein-heavy meal, and I was feeling so energized by that point that I was practically bouncing in place. I knew a lot of it was sexual energy, the kind of thing that inspired relapses. What I didn't know was how to get rid of it constructively, so I reached out to my AP and he suggested pushups. I did fifty, and that helped for a bit, but the urges and the energy kept coming back. I tried everything I could think of: reading, creative writing, meditative prayer, watching some anime and YouTube, doing the dishes, walking the dog, talking to my AP again, more pushups. I did a total of 110 pushups that day but it felt like for all the energy I burned, twice as much came back. By late evening I could not hold back any more and so I masturbated to orgasm. Then about an hour later I went and did it again, because the drive had still not dissipated and I felt so pent up and ready to burst from fighting the urges all day. Two relapses in one day is not who I want to be. I mean, any relapse in any number of days is not who I want to be, but this was especially out of control. And I still don't know what I could have done differently to avoid the situation. Starting a new streak on the same track, hoping and praying things will somehow be different.