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Discussion in 'Events & Challenges' started by RiseToGreatness, Sep 22, 2019.
Checking in. Happy Saturday everyone
12 day check in.
The urges are little today ,i can say at least something of calm
I’m on a current streak that has taken me currently up to my 9th day, I’d like to join this awesome challenge if possible!
Welcome to the fellowship!
Had a lot of urges yesterday and had done a lot of dumbells squats so now I can barely walk without pain in the legs ,but I don't mind the pain to pay for beating up lust and ...meditated, taken cold shower, 45 minutes of calisthenics( managed to pull something when showing off with 2 finger pocket pull ups without any warm up) and well had another productive day with good progress . Lookes like I had repeated symptoms yesterday- overall weakness, light headache and quite a butter-head procrastinating brain not responsible to any coffee or tea. Now it's gone and I feel good again !!!
I am experiencing struggles and urges here and there but my resolve is growing as I continue on my journey. I've been pretty busy lately so that has been stressful. I keep too many things in my head so I need to do a better job at writing down my schedule or my day for whats ahead for me.
I fell to porn again yesterday afternoon and last night. Some things have really been weighing on my heart and mind and I gave into anxiety instead of finding productive ways to confront these issues.
Today I went to confession and received absolution. I have prayed and will do some meditation. I will take a walk today yet.
I know I wasn't born to be a porn addict. I want to change. Today is a new day.
I'm going to keep working on how I deal with anxiety. One thing is I'm going to try to confront difficult tasks ASAP instead of running to hide amongst pixels on the internet.
Thank you. I was troubled all Thursday with thoughts. Kept having urges. Urges to PMO. Urges to fish and urges to search for this instagram model I find attractive. I typed in her name into google, but stopped short of oogling her photos. Just put my laptop away and went and sat with my parents in the living room and watched TV. Yesterday was much better, though that had to do with the fact that I had to help my sisters move so I was walking up and down stairs carrying heavy boxes in oppressive heat (at least for a Wisconsinite). It was high 80s low 90s Fahrenheit and humid, which while no where close to southern USA or other countries, is still quite hot for someone acclimated to harsh winters and cool air. For instance, I wear short sleeves in 50-60 degree weather. Anyway, I made it through yesterday and now I am on day 20 no P and day 15 no MO, so I have made it over my slump which feels great.
Day 15 @RiseToGreatness
I am finally ready to start my journey as a Hobbit. Day 12 and 13 were a bit rough, but I did not MO or PMO and other than some short fishing on those days, I have not fished since or peeked, or edged or anything. It feels wonderful to be a Hobbit again. It has been months since I have been to this stage, so this feels great!
Day 38 monk mode.
I'm under bigger stress than usual and I find that it's more difficult to make rational decisions and control myself. But life doesn't stop due to that and I'm trying to move forward.
Spoiler: Monk mode rules
Rule number 1. Of course, no pornography, no masturbation, no orgasm. Check.
Rule number 2. No searching for sexually stimulating material, guarding my look in the street, on TV, on internet, etc. Check.
Rule number 3. Daily prayer. Check.
Rule number 4. Following my day schedule. This includes going to sleep and waking up on time, starting and finishing work on time. Average.
Rule number 5. At least one hour a day of activities not related to work, this site or empty internet browsing. Check. A walk.
Rule number 6. Daily journaling. Here or personally. Check.
Rule number 7. Memory practise. I will relate it to my studies, so that I would save time. Check. A little practice.
It is a reset, when any of first three rules is breached. I should follow others as much as possible.
Despite all of the healthy habits my streak was strained by a cast of the rod if you will. Began to fish for a minute or 2 before turning away.
Hiked, gardened, had sex, all of the things and still was brought to want to view P.
All is well and thank you for the support Fellowship!
Not sure where I am at for days. That’s deadly. I have been doing a lot of golfing. I am hooked by it. Is this what it will take? Something healthy that consumes me? I don’t even care about pmo. I only care about golf right now. Is forming healthy habits really the answer? I am forming bonds with people at work because of my passion for golf. It gets me outside. It is physical activity. It is a fun game. This makes me hopeful. In the next couple years I am going to study music. I am more creative than athletic. Is this passion of golf a small for taste of an infatuation with singing? I am a bit hesitant with music. I have great memories of golfing with my dad. It seamed that my gift of music was kind of pushed away. Was it? Or was it my rigid family? YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE YOIR PIANO EVERY DAY. But it was never enforced. I was never given an explanation that practice should be enjoyable. There was so much weight added to practice that it was too heavy. My consistent golf practice has not come from a place of weight but a place of lightness and ease. Same with when I learned guitar. It was not a heavy place of “You must do this” but a place of excitement. I had bad role models. It’s ok. It is never too late.
I have a memory of my mom being very harshly saying “ Never show off” I think I misunderstood. I took that to mean never do good. Don’t outdo other people. With singing I hold back. With golfing I do good for the first few holes. Then I start self sabotaging. Then I do really good on the last one because I need to pull it together. I noticed the same with singing. I don’t want to do to good because I feel I will look like a jerk. I come from a family of mediocre failures. They don’t believe in themselves. Same message I got. Don’t get too good. You don’t belong there. You are a low life.
Screw that. I will become good at stuff. Not to prove my worth but because it is more fun being better at things! (This is a brand new thought) Being good at something is not about proving worth. It is about enjoyment. What a revelation!
porn only holds me back from this. God please deliver me from pmo.
Hello, Fellowship. I didn't post here yesterday because I was too ashamed to report another relapse. Now I'm clean for one day, so I've made it past my Nazgul period and ready to be an Orc again. Sigh. It's a tough road.
Question for anyone who knows: what's a p-sub? I've heard many people talk about them, but I don't understand the concept, and I'm hesitant to Google it outright for obvious reasons.