The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 38 of No PMO. ☺️

 

0 days still

 

How did it happen brother? When did you feel that you lost control over it?

 

@Slider8 Urges were strong the last days. Then I forgot why I don't want to watch P anymore. It took some binging (3xPMO and 2xP within two days) and now I'm slowly realizing that I'm doing something wrong.
Still, I feel I'm lacking motivation right now.

 

Day 0 - Nazgûl

I messed up yesterday, going about 50 hours clean and then relapsing. In fact, I had been having urges all afternoon yesterday, so I went into my bedroom and watched a documentary about the end of the Bronze Age, and then when I was done, I laid there for another 30 minutes. I came back into the living room (I am now in my own apartment by myself which has pluses and minuses). Anyway, not sure what happened next as yesterday was a bit of a fog, but I then searched for porn, orgasming before I found any. Then last night, I started to search again as it was thunder storming outside and that makes me nervous, so I used porn to relax (it was not a good reason at all, though there are seldom, if any, good reasons to PMO). Anyway, my mom called just then, and I talked to her for about 10 minutes, and then I hung up and PMO'd, though it felt disgusting. I just thought "well I already PMO'd once today, what is one more time?" So this morning I reset my counter to midnight last night, as it makes it feel more fresh having the counter turn over while I am asleep than when I am awake. I got up at 10AM today, and I took a freezing cold shower. I just turn on the cold water, and start the shower, and it is miserable, but I feel refreshed afterward. It is now just before noon and my family is coming over and I am a bit anxious and irritated, but that may be because I have had nothing to eat today.

Thursday was spectacular. I got everything I wanted to get done, done, and I was clean for over 24 hours at that point. But then Friday started off poorly and just got worse, and now it is Saturday and I am just tired and angry.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 2 completed

 

Day 2

Quick check in. I've done some prayer so far, and some work. Need to meditate. I am going to go to confession today.

I've been running away this summer- from unpleasant truths, from necessary work, from necessary change. I want to change this. I need to start being confrontational, in a good way, with all of these challenges.

 

What were the urges associated with? I mean were they associated with certain places, people, stuff ? Can you reduce exposure to these things?
The wrong you feel is the damage you do to your own body which can only take so much abuse before breaking down and the lowest point is usually the best motivation but as you noticed yourself it messes with your memory by blocking off prefrontal cortex of the brain responsible for sound thinking and decisions making.
Use combat breathing or the whole b.r.a.c.e. when urges come and when you are free from urges study rebooting daily, otherwise it's hard to break free from the vicious circle of: feeling bad , making resolutions, starting to feel better, falling for lust and breaking resolutions to stay clear. This inflicts damage to our self esteem and creates possible expectation of well deserved punishment for our wrongdoing . It takes a while but it makes us physically ugly too, with hormonal imbalances, ackne, premature ageing and loosing hair as some of the physical effects that are unfolding either slowly or fast( in case of multiple sessions a day).
Yeah it takes studies to make progress and studies take time and effort and practical application of the gained knowledge. Logically follows that in order to make good study of rebooting you have to devout a lot of hours to studying rebooting instead of watching movies, reading irrelevant stuff in the newspapers and magazines or playing games. If you think something is not that important you will place it low on your list of priorities with little to no time for it to spare in your daily schedule. No time for improvement no good progress. I guess nobody expects to be a good student and learn a lot by merely attending the lectures without taking notes,without a lot of studying on your own, without putting a lot of time and effort to succeed. Expecting to succeed without putting in sufficient amount of work is sets us for failure after failure and makes us believe being losers in life because we expect to succeed without understanding of underlying mechanisms involved, without awareness we doomed to fall. In order to succeed we have to put in work, we have to put in hours upon hours, we have to put things that really matter first on the list of our priorities.

 

day 6 boys, new record

 

Checking in

 

That's effect of noPM: the girls feeling man confidence and sex non-neediness, plus you can talk easy, tease with them. So they thinking you're high ranked man, you have a choise of girls, they finding it attractive.
If you have a problems with girls at this moment, just stay in noPM and you'll be magnet for beautiful girls like this big guy.

 

Checking in friends
Reset my counter to last Thursday as I had fished for animated shit after I came across the mag which I flicked through before dumping it. Did not look at any videos or photos etc... but I still need to start afresh because I was teetering on the bring there for awhile

Had a really good run from November to April/ May, so am going to do that again now which will bring me to the end of January

But first I will get out of this Orc and Uruk filth to be renewed as a Hobbit

Sincere thanks for all your prayers

 

Day 7.
Started today's morning with 15 minutes meditation. Then went to the barbershop, almost had a car crash because of dumb driver who started turning around on my way lol.
The last day of simple orc.

 

@RiseToGreatness your kindness is beyond reproach and I am so grateful for your kind words. Spending time drawing today and my get infront of the piano. It is sometimes difficult to find ways to fill time that would otherwise be spent watching P or playing video games. I have found a show that I am enjoying as well that I have been watching as a filler while the girlfriend is out of town.

 

384 days

 

Day 174

 

Day 16...

I stumbled on some extremely graphic pictures on a telegram I'm in. It wasn't fishing or whatever they call it as it isn't a porn group, but I guess you're never safe online really. I felt kind of weird about it, like it effected the purity of the streak, which maybe it did as I'm starting to struggle a bit more. Nothing to the extent I did during my last streak though.

Anyway, yes, I'm back on track to destroy the ring. That event didn't really slow me down.

 

465 SR

A new date, maybe a new girl
I just came back from a date with a very special girl, good energy and beautiful a rare combination, I was a bit surprised. We almost had sex, I think in a few days or after some few dates we'll do it. So I'm back at the game, it's been a month without sex.

Interesting enough I'm almost the same as before I met her as if I could be with or without her and still be happy.

I broke put with my last girlfriend 3 weeks ago it wasn't hard, I remember before it took me months sometimes even years to forget a girl . This is when you see the power of semen retention it helps you to handle pleasure(a new sexual partner) or pain (break ups) more easily.

 

Good night fellas!
I've been away for some days. After the exams I got a week off from internet and enjoyed a deserved vacation. But still I let myself bore too much and I ended up giving away for my urges. Problably I let the vacation mindsedt (I'm free to do whatever I want to) pour over the sexual area. I felt really dispappointed and it kinda ruined my last 3 days of vacation. But I'm back on track! Started the last phase of studing for the biggest exam of Brazil, ENEM (like SAT, for example).
The routine is keeping me occupied enough, but I still have time for myself, I just don't want to make the worst out of that time!
Good luck y'all!

 

0 days
Thanks for the great advice @Slider8