The Lord of the Rings Challenge

428 days high king
495 days no PMO, semen retention

 

It's amazing how the tables can turn so quickly. I was riding high, and then suddenly fell so quickly. Messed up last night and went through today as a Nazgul.

Had come back home for my nephew's party and had some very strong urges throughout the day and then at night I just... decided to do it. It was like I purposely forgot how terrible the addiction was and what it does to me.

I think I'm going to start reading the old posts from my journal, especially those about the dark days. This will hopefully be a constant reminder of why I'm doing what I'm doing. I also need to get better at maintaining my night routine which has been to read/post here.

Still I rise!

 

Day 10 completed

 

Alright, so recently I have fallen again and I don't know the exact date. It feels like some kind of fear/anxiety about the possibility of actually succeding in all the things I have set myself to do. I know failure is always possible, but success in doing something scares me. Also I have noticed that if I am not dedicated to updating everyday, I forget the purpose I'm on, so here is for, as DJ Khaled likes to say, "Another One".
I am not going to provide excuses as they would not help anyone and most surely, not me, as I have to accept that all that has passed is not what is happening right now, and I am not the man I was yesterday and I must reafirm myself every day.
See you tomorrow!

 

Day 6

Summer has been quick but unexpectedly restful, feeling very depressed and withdrawn in the earlier months but as of a couple weeks ago I’m renewed and ready to begin my training as a Priest (starting in just under two weeks).

Whenever I now identify a trigger I realise it’s usually stemming from a desire to be in a relationship, not for the purpose of sex etc but the emotional intimacy that comes from honest and open communication; I’m now trying to remind myself of that each time I’m tempted.

Excited for the journey ahead, and hopeful to walk it PMO-free.

 

Day 6

I wish I had the time to explain how this move is changing the way I feel, both about life and relationship with my girlfriend and about nofap and my own journey though life.
But I don’t have time… I have less than a week and life is just crazy now.

But day 6, halleluiah!

@ Are-we-there-yet?, I’m so sorry brother. But you still did great and just remember that you don’t lose the stuff you gain from nofap. You are still stronger than you were two months ago. The next couple of days really going to suck. But you can do it.

@ garmenclyde thank you so much for the advice. It really put stuff in perspective. Right now I feel like I don’t fact because I know just how much time and energy I’m going to lose because of it. I have so many good things to do and wasting that energy on porn just feel like such a bad choice. By the way, may I ask what are you personal goals you are trying to meet? I saw you were in day 0 and I got scared for a second.

 

Day 196 no PMO. Yesterday I was on YouTube and found myself hoping to see some material that was on the line. I didn’t search with the search bar but I clicked around a lot in hopes of seeing some material. Luckily there was no p-sub material to be found. Close call. It feels like the start of a relapse. I need to get it together today and stay strong. I’m so close to 200 days.

 

day 61- dwarf

 

elf again! more than a month without porn and with real gf feeling so myself!

 

Day 0
I've been fighting with the urge of pm for the last couple of days. Unfourtanately, I was defeated. I've been lazy, I'm in a stressfull times in my life and it pushes me into being a procrastinator. Do not do that. Work or study or exercise at least 5 minutes if you start to feel like you want to delay the things that you are supposed to do.

 

day 24
The problems are temporary i say to myself , i am trying to no use the P as a route of escape

 

42 days, 6 weeks. I am really tired this morning.

 

day 9 check in.

The last 2 days have not been good due to my indulgence in porn. So I have relapsed in that sense.

The only good thing I could say is that I haven't jerked off to orgasm.

 

Day 10
I was able to show physical affection towards my wife and hold her without getting aroused, which is a good sign for me that I may be getting into flatline.