The Lord of the Rings Challenge

DAy 124, trod on!

 

Day 3 of being an Orc Boy. Urges are strong today... I need to plan so that I don't relapse...

 

I wanna start my journey, I Know that I'm a bit late but at least I've already crossed the Brandywine river.

(19 Days)
I'm late to bloom as a Hobbit but yeah, @RiseToGreatness

 

Thank's, and I sure will get some fun in this journey!

 

Day 4 - Relapsed

So I found another way around my blockers. I've realised from this relapse that I should not be so reliant on my blockers as there will ALWAYS be a way to find porn. When I accidentally found this new way around the blockers I obviously had an immediately MASSIVE urge so I didn't have much time to react. I tried talking to myself, didn't work. I tried going down stairs for a little bit away from my computer, didn't work. I tried playing a game of League, didn't work. I tried meditating, didn't work. I was being too negative from the start, I was too focused on the things I couldn't do to distract myself instead of the things I could. And when I say "didn't work." that's what I thought at the time because they didn't work instantly, I stayed downstairs for like 1 minute, I played 1 game of league, I talked to myself for like 30 seconds etc. I didn't give myself a chance to even distract myself properly because I become unbelievably impatient when I have an urge so it feels like it's not working when I've only just started the distracting. I could've stayed downstairs for longer, played more games of league, I could've done the Microcosmic Orbit meditation again since so far that's worked really well, but for some reason I didn't even try it this time when I had the urge. I've also not been feeling great today from the start, I've been very achy all over and generally not feeling great physically so it's been affecting me mentally as well, so I naturally was at an even worse disadvantage than usual. Whenever I think I might have accidentally found a new way around my blockers the trick that I end up always falling for is "checking". "Make sure you can't get to the sites you wanna get to by looking them up and seeing what comes up. Once you realise nothing comes up the urge will go away. But if you don't check, that curiosity will keep causing massive urges."

I need to become much less reliant on the blockers than I currently am and just accept that I can access porn at any time even with all of the blockers in the world. This is also another case of just "keep distracting, even if it feels like it's not working".

I'll do better.

 

Day 4 completed

 

That’s a lot bridge, awesome music!

 

Maybe a strong positive feedback would help. So when we have the chance to fight an urge off and make the right decision we could boost ourselves with - I don’t know, dancing around?, high-five with ourself in the mirror, tell the community, celebrate …
Exercise is also a way to boost the mood but if we do it with gritted teeth (reacting on urges) this might not work as well as when we pump up ourselves emotionally and enjoy it.

 

I don’t know why the counter is lagging each time but
Day 4

 

2 hours plus of cleaning the house and the garden, and a good workout. Had these for two days in the row.Dodging cold shower, but managed to study today and my meditation is getting better.

 

Day 16

7-8 hrs of sleep, cold shower, writing and research, prayer are things I have done today. Coming up: meditation, more work, more prayer, some reading and house cleaning tonight (hopefully).