The Making of a Porn Addict.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by peacebreather, Aug 28, 2020.

What could be the root cause of porn addiction from your perspective?

  1. parenting

    100.0%
  2. Core values

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  3. lack of discipline

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  4. willpower

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  5. internet

    100.0%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. peacebreather

    peacebreather Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys, I'm from India. ~Namaste everyone :)
    i am 22 years in age.

    I would love to share my story with you guys, maybe it can help someone with understanding the making of a porn addict.

    i was like 3-4 y/o maybe when i saw my parents getting engaged in sexual activity while i'd pretend to sleep. I knew from a very young age that this intermingling of bodies is something that is not meant to be discussed or practised in public, otherwise the parents would have been doing it in front of me.

    As my parents were newly married, they had some books on sex and stuffs, and i used to secretly read them. I kept watching my mom and dad each day having sex, while pretending to fall asleep.

    When i turned 10y/o my friend introduced me to porn.
    We used to buy posters, at that time. Then we started buying CDs and the sellers would easily give it to us
    without even considering the fact that we are under18.

    When i turned 12, i got my first PC. Then we started sharing and storing tons of porn on harddrives.

    Due to all these stuffs, hormones got messed up in my brain and i matured very early than my other classmates and friends. I was more than 18 y/o in a body of 12. I started feeling complex emotions like Love, grief, fear of death, stupidity around me, and insignificant existence of humans in these universe and all. All of a sudden there was so much wisdom all at once, that it became a burden to me, that i had to carry till i attain an equilibrium between my maturity level and the people i interact with.

    i cannot count how many girls i have fell in love with.
    Because, this body started demanding its biological needs. While emotionally and mentally i was still a child.

    I am 22 now,
    and i still haven't had any girlfriend. Despite of trying everything i could, from writing love letters, to socializing, to being smart and coming 1st in the class. But nothing worked.

    That's how i lost my faith for Love.

    My obsession of porn grew intense day by day after each rejection i took.

    Finally, i no longer feel love for girls. And for that, i am really happy. Because i felt like i couldn't bear any rejection.

    I finally have attained emotional stability. But i think my past experiences are holding me back.

    I wake each and every morning knowing the harmful effects of watching porn. But at the end of the day, i feel cheated by my own biology. I couldn't resist no matter how hard i try, like someone or something has hijacked my brain.

    I felt totally devastated today when i got caught in the cycle of PMO. I decided to seek help from the internet and the social media. Instead of living in the false belief that– i can do it on my own.
    I now know its a trap.

    My current symptoms include-

    •Sudden urge to watch porn at night.
    •Feeling guilty after PMO.
    •Decrease in passion for my work.
    •Getting into Bipolar states as the day passes.
    •Isolating my selves from people and friends while feeling lonely at the same time.
    •Overthinking
    •Negative thoughts and few more.
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2020
  2. Hello there... :)
    Welcome to the community :)

    [​IMG]
     
    peacebreather likes this.

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