The Mighty That Fell ~ Squeaky Soul's Journal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Squeaky Soul, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

    122
    157
    43
    I admire you for paying attention to your relapses and not just continuing to make the same mistakes over and over again like so many do. You're dedicated, motivated, and learning from your mistakes. That's how you've had such long streaks. I learned this same lesson over the past several years of struggling with this addiction. It's absolutely the key to success.

    One piece of advice that's helped me and may help you too. When journaling, don't just recap the days events and what happened. You don't need a play-by-play of your day. Talk more about the way you felt, the stress you faced, the lessons you learned, and how your day improved your progress towards your goals. I've been keeping a journal for almost a year now (not long, I know) but I've found it more meaningful and helpful with dealing with the stress and emotions that were the main cause of my struggles in the past when I looked inwards in my journal entries. Best of luck to you brother. ;)
     
    Squeaky Soul likes this.
  2. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    Thanks @Fighter834

    Well, I have been feeling really stressed lately. Like when someone says something that pisses me off, I feel like I'm dying from a brain aneurysm. My heart rate races, I start hyperventilating... I say, "brain aneurysm" because that's how it feels, holding back all of the curse words I want to let lose. I feel very, very angry these past few days, I've told @IGY, my AP.
     
  3. awakenow

    awakenow Fapstronaut

    68
    16
    8
    I get kind of similar when I get mad. I start breathing like a bull and I get really hot. I try to employ breathing techniques and accept the emotion.

    Cool picture by the way. Leonhart. Haha
     
  4. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Thank you Squeaky Soul! :) You are a real pleasure to work with. Not least, because you are willing to put the work in! :cool:
     
    Squeaky Soul likes this.
  5. Keep moving forward with relentless vigor @Squeaky Soul

    The demon never sleeps.

    Meditate to calm your brain, as well as your mind.
     
  6. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    That's right!

    I know you guys have a lot of trouble when you first start out.

    The key to success is commitment. If I tried something, and I felt my heart wasn't in it, I always fail! I made NoFap a commitment!

    Working out... I really need help with that. Because, getting into a consistant workout routine has been very hard. Any suggestions?
     
  7. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I don't know anything about working out. But you could ask for ideas in your work out journal you were commenting in.
     
  8. Fighter834

    Fighter834 Fapstronaut

    122
    157
    43
    Exercise has been a huge thing for my gameplan. It lets the stress go in a healthy way and balances my emotions out that I used to swallow and let build up. You're absolutely right though, it's one of the hardest things to stick with.

    You're already aware that it needs to be a commitment or else you will give it up after a week or two. What helped me the most was finding a time that would be available most days of the week. For me that was in the mornings before work. When I get home from work there's too much going on and I'm wiped out and not able to workout the way I need to. The morning workouts helped me start my day off right, get the blood and positive energy going early (I call it my "endorphin shield" for the day), and I was able to stay consistent with it most of the time. There were plenty of days, especially early on, where I had to draaaaag myself out of bed, but every time I did it was worth it and I felt great after the workout. It's important to stick with it for at least 4 weeks as frequently as you can. I try to get the workouts in 5-6 days/week. If you can stick with it for several weeks in a row, it becomes a habit and you feel like somethings missing when you miss a workout.

    For a lot of people, going to the gym is not possible. I prefer the gym because there are more options for keeping it fresh and not getting bored with your workouts but it's expensive, you have to travel there, the hours don't always work out, and there are a lot of distractions. I started doing home workouts with DailyBurn which is $10/month or so. They can get repetitive but they're short, intense, and have a variety of different workout routines for you to choose from. I'm able to crawl out of bed, get some gym shorts on, and get to the workout within a few minutes of waking up. This has been really helpful for keeping me on the routine but you have to find what works for you. Switch it up sometimes and stick with what you really enjoy early on. Best of luck!
     
    The_Mickster and ronswanson like this.
  9. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    Hmmmm... okay.

    It was hard to start exercising over thanksgiving break, but now that I've started doing more homework, and returning to my classes, I'll find the time to schedule them in. I like the idea of doing them as soon asi wake up, early in the morning.
     
  10. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

    914
    512
    93
    I integrate cardiovascular training with studying all the time. The idea is use the enhanced blood flow from cardio to assist your mental study efforts and to allow your diffuse thinking to solve some of the problems you face at no charge (while running). What I do is prioritize studying. Inevitably after 1-4 hours, I'll need a study break so I go for an hour or two of cardio to loosen up and energize. I pick running because you can do it almost anywhere and there is very little friction to getting started. As long as I follow the simple rule to keep an ultralight top and running shorts with me at all times, I can run anywhere day or night. You might like having a habit that is flexible like that. It has worked well for me for years.
     
  11. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    Bleegh...

    After I got out of routine with working out, I haven't been able to pick it up again. I've been doing fine though:

    I haven't struggled with any temptation which is a good sign. I am healing.

    I haven't been tempted, most likely because I've been busy with homework. A good distraction... I have to write 3 papers by December 10th...

    I haven't been sleeping well. I attribute this to not working out. Since I'm not sleeping well, I will most likely seize to have anymore wet dreams. Once my wet dreams stop, I might have trouble with temptation..... :(
     
    nfprogress likes this.
  12. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    Woo! 7 months!!!

    I'm so happy to be at this level! I feel like I've learned more during this streak, than my last impressive streak of 278 days.

    Have I achieved TOTAL freedom? When I ask myself the question I say, "no," because I know I will always have to be vigilant for temptation, and I'm not totally sure if I can avoid relapse. I know it's possible that I can avoid relapse for the rest of my life, but I also know that it's possible to relapse more in my life...

    What mindset should I have?
     
    nfprogress likes this.
  13. NF_Titan

    NF_Titan Guest

    - thats probably because you still remember the happiness you experianced while fapping
    -this time on my reboot i shunned the feeling of happiness that fap had given me
    -its like this
    -the terrosists are happy killing people
    -and the people are not happy
    -so your +ve thoughts are the people
    -and the fear in general is the terrorist
    -
     
  14. Divine

    Divine Fapstronaut

    115
    97
    43
    Damn, nice job. 7 months! Keep going. :)
     
  15. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    I've given the forum a break, but I'm glad I'm back now!

    I needed time to mull things over - family life, especially.

    But, my leave reminded me about how much I still needed my AP for accountability, and NoFap for stability!
     
  16. Lugoni

    Lugoni Fapstronaut

    16
    12
    3
    Getting a workout in before work or school in the morning is one of the best things you can do to start your day mate. What I find difficult about keeping those workouts consistent is when my routine is not severely consistent. Studying at university makes this extremely difficult because sleeping and studying patterns are normally all over the place.

    So what can work is instead of relying on a time of day to get your workout in, make it a consistent habit that as soon as you roll out of bed in the morning, no matter what time, have your clothes ready by the bed (sleep in them if you need to), drink bottle already organised with a banana or something close by and head straight to the gym or whatever workout area you have decided upon and get busy. Difficult at first as all things are but you will come to love the alertness and fulfillment it brings to the rest of your day. Even if you achieve NOTHING for the rest of the day, you can at least say you exercised, that in itself in a great acomplishment.
    Commitment is the word, you said it yourself. Bring that NoFap discipline into other aspects of your heath and you will reach new levels, I can promise you that.
    Take care.
     
  17. nfprogress

    nfprogress Fapstronaut

    914
    512
    93
    This place, it keeps us grounded. It is like a base camp where we can strike out into the wilderness looking forward to new journeys and new adventures. Welcome back and fight on!

    From The Grey:

    upload_2015-12-17_1-4-33.png
    upload_2015-12-17_1-5-18.png
     
  18. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    You're right! That's what I always think after throwing the weights around.

    A lot of hard work has finally paid off! I finally have a six pack! I mean, I have a very slender body (I'm about 6'4" and only 175 pounds), but at least I have a six pack now! Haha!
     
  19. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    809
    265
    63
    I'm really struggling with my Catholic faith, my parents have a rocky relationship, blah blah blah...

    All of this combined weighs down on me, and makes me really want to relapse. Last night I was watching the movie, Take Me Home Tonight, and as you know might know, it has a sex scene. It was really arousing... Normally, I would avert my so I would not be tempted, but this time i just sat and focused more attention to it.

    I reset my "ogled" counter as a result, because I violated the rule. It's getting harder and harder to do this. My religion told me to never watch porn or masturbate becuase it was a grave sin... well, now that Christianity isn't that big of a deal to me, I really struggle to not PMO... the idea of PMO sounds better the longer I stay distant from Christianity.

    Well, Christianity isn't the only reason stopping me from PMO. I hate the emptymess PMO leaves me with. The feeling of failure, and guilt. Another thing I notice, I used to have bad body odor, and used to sweat way more when I used to PMO on a regular basis.

    Sorry if I'm hard to follow. I've been having a hard time articulate my thoughts clearly here on the forum...
     

Share This Page