The Mighty That Fell ~ Squeaky Soul's Journal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Squeaky Soul, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. M L

    M L Guest

    Haha - I speak Catholic too:) No offence taken - your arms are going to be amazing!
     
  2. MattNoFap

    MattNoFap Fapstronaut

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    Hey squeaky, careful with overdoing the pushups. Make sure you warm up first by maybe starting with some girl pushups less reps, then increasing. Just looking out, I sprained my chest once from pushing to hard doing the p90x chest and back. I had to stretch it out hiring the healing process which was painful. I also used a strong topical anti-inflammatory called DMSO which the active ingredient is MSM. If you don't stretch after a sprain, it tightens up and when it heals you lose range of motion. I know this because my angle sprain I didn't stretch as a kid and it lost range of motion. Just looking out, as I'm going through a shoulder injury that is slowing my workout progress. Did did some yoga and got an ultrasound today.
    Sorry to hear about your streak being broken. Porn and fantasy is the problem, masturbation as well because it can lead to watching it and become addictive as well. You did 200 plus days without it, you know you can do it again. And it won't be as hard as the first day one.

    Start fresh, forgive yourself, you have the strength in you, it's just your time of weakness. Rise up and do what you know you can accomplish.
     
  3. nomo

    nomo Fapstronaut

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    This is very well put, you nailed it.
    "declining discipline and focus." I would add that most of us fail because we are not perfect and to stay continually disciplined and focused takes great effort until the moment when it becomes habit. Keep the discipline simple and you have a better chance of succeeding. Another thing is to keep busy, time alone is really the only time that you PMO. If you keep busy you will not be alone as much and you will not have the mindset to want to PMO.

    FYI - 278 days without PMO is a beautiful thing, congratulations on achieving that.
     
  4. Vision

    Vision Fapstronaut

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    Thank you, friends, for this thread, it speaks directly to my soul: Today for the first time after 168 days I have viewed something in the category of "pornography" or "erotics" (since some time ago I got addictively curious about how online games of this sort look like). Also, I have also failed many times through masturbation in the past thirty or more days. The diagnosis is similar: declining focus and discipline. I wasn't writing to my AP, did not visit the forum, prayed too little, started to drink coffee again, compromised regular 1 hour daily exercise, etc. Yes, Sqweaky Soul, I will be grateful for your support, I feel really bad about myself. With God's help I want to return to the right path.
     
  5. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Vision,

    get a piece of paper, write out the major things that need improvement in your life. That's a good way to start. Then do what Weightlifter said. Get really, really mad at pornography.

    God, I wish the Devil was a physical being so I could beat his ass up!

    ~Squeaky
     
  6. MattNoFap

    MattNoFap Fapstronaut

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    I have a question, would a relapse considered masturbating to sexual imagery like porn or fantasy? Or is masterbation considered a relapse after 200 days. I am just curious, because my view is masturbation isn't necessarily the problem if your addiction was initially porn, like myself. I do agree that masturbation and porn go hand in hand, but not necessarily always. Which relapse did you have, masturbation? Or masturbation and porn?
     
  7. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    It's a relapse if it's masturbation, if it's porn, or if it's both. The same with days... Whether it's 2 days, 20 days, or 200 days, a relapse is a relapse.

    My people, I will post my daily update soon and post a page of my old journal soon.

    ~Squeaky Da Soul Boy
     
  8. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Today was a great day! It feels good to be 1 day and 2 hours clean.

    Thanks to all of you who have engaged me here in my journal thread and those who have asked for advice... please keep it coming.

    Today was good. I got to sleep in, I didn't have much homework during the day, so I had good focus on my push-up goal. Tonight I went to my Boy Scout meeting. Everybody kept asking me if I have worked on my Eagle Scout rank. It was definitely a kick in the butt to work harder.

    Stay tuned for my old journal pages in a few...

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  9. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Page 9

    Just because it releases stress, it comes with a lot more dangerous side effects. It will eventually give you more stress and anxiety. It will also give you depression.

    Think about all the things you could have accomplished if this had never been your vice. You could be caught up in school, an Eagle Scout, a clean soul, etc, etc.

    You can accomplish so much without this

    People to Quit for

    *God
    *Family & friends
    *Lady friends
    *The deceased
    *Yourself

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  10. IGY

    IGY Guest

    You want to quit masturbating to pornography for dead people? Really? Wtf!? :eek:
     
  11. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Hahaha! I don't know why I wrote that.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  12. IGY

    IGY Guest

    LOL! Well, it's a helluva thing to write, even if you don't know why you did it! Hahaha! :rolleyes:
     
  13. MattNoFap

    MattNoFap Fapstronaut

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    I would consider a relapse masturbating during your 90 day reboot or whatever day is suitable. After that porn would be the bigger enemy than masterbation alone, I would call it a set back with masterbation after you successfully completed your reboot, because you would have attained some kind of discipline to say no to porn and porn substitutes. Everyone is different. To me it makes a difference if I do one or the other after the reboot. I masturbated without porn, not for the reasons that I would of in the past, and have no desire to look at porn, there's a distinction there.
     
  14. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    My arms are dead... My abs are sore too. It's what I deserve. It's something I have to do. Without it, I will never learn self control. I only made it to 200 push-ups today. I am listen to the gentleman that posted here yesterday. It might be a good idea to start off slow. Tomorrow, or the next day I will be fit enough for 300!

    SPARTA!!!

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  15. Well,Done Squeaky.Just Never Give Up! Don't Look How You are Feeling at the Moment.Just Be Committed and do what You're Supposed to do.Watch Mark's new Videos on NoFapAcademy.It's only a Minor Series,but He Explains the Basics of Rebooting Very Clearly.And If You Find It Useful,you Can Join Reboot Camp.I'd Recommend Everyone Here to Join The Program if Money isn't the Problem.I Can't Afford it,But I'd Prefer It to Everyone Here.
     
  16. IGY

    IGY Guest

    I just picked up on the fact that you are home schooled. It just occurs to me that you may have too much time on your hands compared to attending school. After all, the devil makes work for idle hands. And we know the direction idle hands go in - that's right, they are dick bound! :eek:

    Also, Monsieur Melancholy has my vote. I think being strict is imperative. When Peter tried to suggest for Jesus to take an easier path, the Lord rebuked him and said 'get behind me Satan'. Nothing personal M'lady, lol. :p
     
  17. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Hello Fellow Fapstronauts,

    Today was a lazy day. Didn't do very well in school. I am still adjusting to the new classes I am taking for second semester. I am doing good in my subjects, just getting behind in homework.

    This helped:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eq4etk-K4SM. Please listen to it in times of need.

    I didn't' do my push-ups today. I promise I will do them tomorrow! I must do it tomorrow. My arms aren't hurting as much anymore. My push-up penance is not over yet.

    Here's the ol' journal pages:

    P. 12

    February 24th, 2014 (The date I joined NoFap)

    Feel great today after confession and {joining} NoFap. Helping people is good for helping yourself.

    This is good! I have high expectations for the future. I'll have plenty of testosterone for the chicks and working out.

    P. 13

    February 25th, 2014

    It feels good to help other Fapstronauts! Today I was less socially anxious in ... class. I even made people at my table laugh today and interacted with them (classmates) more.

    I feel super energized! So hyper I can't go to sleep.


    I feel amazing! PROGRESS!!!!!!!!!!!

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  18. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Just about to finish my 300 push-ups for the day. Dang, staying mad at pornography really helps! Shout out to Melancholy Weightlifter, and to anyone who has supported me on my journey to my second reboot. Shout out to all the people who have asked for support on this thread. Please keep it coming.

    Quick question for you guys... If an extremist group was formed and begun targeting pornography studios, pornography directors, and adult stores with weapons - assault rifles, machine guns, RPGs, et cetera, and they began shutting down porn websites how would you view this group? Even if they slowed the pornography industry to a grinding halt, and virtually no porn was available, physical or on the web, would they be good or bad?

    My opinion is that that would be bad (hahah, no, I'm not getting any ideas)... These people would not be able to repent for the sins they committed before they got killed by this extremist group. Also, killing others is a sin, so, the extremists would be sinning too.

    Your opinions please!

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  19. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    P. 14

    February 27th, 2014

    Dear Vice,

    I hope you never come back! I hate you and the way you make me feel, and the way you make me feel around my friends ... I am glad you're gone, take a long walk off a short pier and never come back!

    Okay... now that I have that out of my system...

    Dear Journal,

    I notice that I have been making eye contact more with people! Love the way I feel, but I need to stop slacking off in school.


    Today (February 12th, 2015) was a great day. I got caught up in literature, Algebra II, and I have a four day weekend for Presidents' Day (I think) starting tomorrow! I won't be wasting time. I still have assignments over the holiday, so it's a blessing. I have to read about the 1930s for history, eight pages a day in algebra (One lesson is only two-three pages long... crud), and on top of that, work towards my Eagle Scout rank and practice for the SAT. Oh, I forgot... I also have a school dance tomorrow.

    Yes, I am homeschooled, and I go to dances. Go figure. Not all homeschoolers are introverts or super sheltered. I am homeschooled and look how I turned out! I got addicted to bustin' nuts!

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  20. Killing Others is not a Sin,unless done For a Wrong reason.Read "Bhagavad Gita" .Even Lord Krishna Broke his Promise and Used His Weapons to kill Sinners.He Inspired Arjuna to Stand Up And Fight His Cousins and Even his Grandfather and Teachers when Arjuna Fell Down in The Trap of His Mind.He Wasn't Able to Fight Before the War Began.He was in War land and Was thinking not to kill his Grandfather and Teachers.But God Himself told Him to do That,Because Fighting against Sinners is not a sin After all.
     

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