The Mighty That Fell ~ Squeaky Soul's Journal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Squeaky Soul, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Yeah! Channel the sexual energy of an urge to PMO to fuel a run or a work out! :p
     
  2. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for the absence!

    Today was a lazy day. I have been making a lot of progress towards my Eagle Scout Rank. I also having been taking tests (with an s) for language arts and mathematics. I feel like I am doing great as far as abstinence goes. Haven't sought out triggering material, haven't touched myself, or anything bad.

    I finally went to confession today. My neighbor gave me a ride to the church, so I was very grateful. I confessed to the same priest that approved my Eagle Project (he knows me very well) face to face that I watched pornography when I was alone. I forgot to mention the amount, but I guess it doesn't matter. God knows what I did. Post confession, I went to a pew and experienced a very rare emotion. I felt like crying. I am not much of a crier, but I was very touched after that confession.

    After, traipsed around the church grounds, admiring all the flowers people are adding to my artwork of a Eagle Scout Project. Talked to some friends. Oh! Another thing! The pastor of my church has chosen me to light the fire for the Easter Vigil! What an honor!

    I guess I will tell you guys what I ate today, but don’t get too grossed out. I had an over easy egg and corned beef hash for breakfast. Then I had torta de lengua (Spanish to English translation: Beef tongue sandwich). It’s considered a delicacy in my culture. Boy! It was delicious! Then I had white rice, pinto beans, and rosemary chicken for dinner.

    I have been talking to my AP about a certain pain I have been experiencing. A pain in my glands penis (penis head). I am reluctant to see a doctor, but honest to God (Lord Almighty) I am feeling all better. Sitting comfortably helped, and I also broke my hot water abstinence for lent and took a very hot bath to further sooth myself. All better

    MY LENTEN SEASON SACRIFICES
    *Hot water (Unless sick or injured)
    *Gossiping
    *Forbidden meats of The Bible - Pork, shellfish, pawed animals, and all scaleless creatures of the water (Catfish, squid, octopus, et cetera)

    During confession my Pastor said that I am doing great in increasing my Christian faith day by day. He proceeded to ask me if I had ever thought about becoming a priest. I told that I had, a little bit. He then said that we would talk about more, and resolved me of my sins.

    NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I am torn between a beautiful wife (That I love and respect at this very moment to remain a virgin for her) and becoming a Catholic Priest! Any suggestions??? Do you guys think I would be a better priest or husband?

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  3. IGY

    IGY Guest

    A beef tongue sandwich! :eek:

    Holy moly, you don't know where it's been, lol! :p

    I am pleased to hear that pain in your glans penis is "all better". I hope this is truly the case and not a ruse to avoid the doctor seeing/touching your dick. Don't take chances with your 'equipment', or you might as well be a priest! :eek:

    Seriously and with the greatest of respect Squeaky Soul, I think you are too young to decide about life-long celibacy. In the last year you have achieved extraordinary feats of abstinence from masturbation and pornography - I believe your pb was 9 months! Nevertheless, you have gone back to it a few times since then. I know this is a dirty and disgusting thing to you (crying over this is perfectly natural and manly btw), and you sincerely regret that you crave it sometimes. Although you have completed puberty, your transition from boy to man is ongoing. I suggest that you defer any decision to the priesthood until you are emotionally mature and have completely slayed your salacious sexual desires. God bless :)
     
  4. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Community Manager
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    Hey mate, I too thought I was going to be celibate when I was your age (mostly because I loved C.S. Lewis and he had been celibate his entire life). So I have to agree with IGY. It's much to early to make a decision like that. Right now you need to keep your options open. Maybe you are being called to the priesthood. Let that percolate in your soul. No need to make a decision now, you have lots of time.

    Being a husband can be just as fulfilling. You learn to love as only a man can love a woman, and that kind of love can teach you how to love others.

    Ask yourself the reasons why you want to become a priest and the reasons you want to become a husband. Do you want to be a priest to minister to God's people? To be with them in their life journeys? Because that is what a priest does. If you want to be a priest just so you can further your own particular interpretation of Christianity, then I'd say forget it.

    Also ask yourself why you want to be a husband. To learn how to love? TO have someone to provide and sacrifice for? To have someone you can care about deeply? These are all good reasons. If you are looking for a wife to satisfy your lust, or because you are lonely, I'd suggest rethinking becoming a husband. You need to approach both vocations with the right attitude.
     
  5. M123

    M123 Fapstronaut

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    You can win bro get good hobby or new friend sport etc
     
  6. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Thanks IGY, Mumchance, and M123.

    I have to agree with IGY as well. I am too young to be, “torn” between to very serious decisions.

    You all put it into very good words.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  7. M L

    M L Guest

    I think you would a beautiful husband, and a beautiful priest. No rush to decide now though, and if you keep praying God will make His will known to you in time. Neither vocation is easy, each is a school of love. Thanks for your great example x
     
  8. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Thanks M L. I have been told in the past that I could do anything I liked, so thanks.

    Just letting you all know that I am fine. I was hit with a pretty big urge, but it off. I told the temptation., "You can do whatever the fuck you wanna do, but leave me alone."

    Headphone Warning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAvdsK3Bq28

    Thanks everyone,

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  9. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    TURN UP!!!

    My brother just had a crazy drinking party for his birthday. Music blasting, tons of people, cigarettes, tons of booze, and wasted people slouched over in chairs or barfing and pissing all over the place.

    It was an awesome experience, but I don't feel like doing it again soon. The hassle of trying to keep drunk people calm and from hurting or killing themselves or others is too much responsibility. I understand why prohibition was a thing, because drunk people can be real assholes. I was ministering all the drunks – Keeping them calm, sitting them in a chair, giving them lots of water, food, and having them promise to not drink anymore for the night. Also, making sure they have sober rides.

    The cops came and crashed our party, but that’s cool, it was going on too long, and it was getting out of hand. Plus, a bunch of people we didn’t invite started showing up… weird. Cleaned up all the broken bottles, empty cans, garbage, etc.

    And before you ask, no, I don’t drink. Someone offered me a shot, but I turned them down. I was THE most sober person there. Had to be… if shit went down, I would have to fix it. Some idiot kept tossing lighter fluid into the fire…………………… Could’ve lit himself up pretty easily.

    It was nice to just talk to people, make new friends, even though I wouldn’t normally want to hang out with alcoholics, or heavy drinkers. I dunno, parties are just okay for me. I am totally cool with not drinking though. Didn’t even think of throwing one back. I definitely fit in better with the older crowd. People my age, or younger tend to annoy me.

    ~SQUEAKY SOUL
     
  10. IGY

    IGY Guest

    It sounds more like a nightmare than an awesome experience. :(
     
  11. These Kind of Parties are Normal in US I Think.We're Not used to that Type of Parties IGY.That's Why They Seem Nightmares to Us.
    -Good to see that You Helped Drunk people there.But Try to Stop Them From Drinking next time,or Maybe Don't Join Alcoholics.You are in a Situation like "A Person On Porn Store abstaining from Porn".So Try to Convince Your Brother Next time,and Don't Join Those Type of Parties. I Hope You didn't Pissed somewhere :p
     
  12. BuddhaPunkRobotMonk

    BuddhaPunkRobotMonk Community Manager
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    I'm in America, and yeah parties like that are common, but even when I was in uni, I hated them. Too much noise, too much stupidity, and then when the guys tripping on mushrooms show up and take out their knives, it gets scary. Better to avoid them and, if you must drink, do it in your apartment with a group of real close friends.
     
  13. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Good day. The "Ol' Journal Pages" section has died, but it will be rejuvenated tomorrow.

    Pretty alright day, chilled, and volunteered with my scouts.

    ~SS
     
  14. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for the absence! I have a pretty bad cold so I have been taking it easy.

    I am trying to get really motivated to finish all my homework while being a little sick. Listening to mtivational work out videos from youtube help out.

    I experienced an urge earlier but it melted away quickly without me doing anything. I was watching Breaking Bad, and it was the scene when Skyler and Walter get back together after their seperation and do the deed. I got aroused as hell, but like I said, it melted away quickly with no effort. Sounds like a good sign to me.

    For months during my first streak I pondered for the "reboot" I was promised by Alexander. By all means, my mind was changed. I viewed poeple not as objects, but as people, but the urges will never go away. They will always manifest themselves in different ways, they will always bombard you, so you must buckle up and enjoy the ride.

    ~SS
     
  15. IGY

    IGY Guest

    If sex comes on when you are watching something identify it for what it is - porn. Don't just watch as they 'do the deed'. Change the channel or skip to a point where the nudity/sex is over. Just because it is not on the internet does not mean that it is not porn. You were tempted to masturbate, right? So, next time act - immediately!
     
  16. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Well, I knew it was bad, so I did look away. I didn't really feel like touching myself either.

    IGY, based on that, do you think that my brain is healing?

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  17. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Difficult to say. You were as aroused as hell, but that is to be expected. Were you watching alone or with your family? If alone, you did well to look away. Although the moans people make when they have sex can make you horny, too.
     
  18. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I was more stimulated by the noises more than visual, and yes I was alone.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  19. IGY

    IGY Guest

    OK, so change the channel next time. :)
     
  20. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

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