The Mighty That Fell ~ Squeaky Soul's Journal

Sorry for the absence!

Today was a lazy day. I have been making a lot of progress towards my Eagle Scout Rank. I also having been taking tests (with an s) for language arts and mathematics. I feel like I am doing great as far as abstinence goes. Haven't sought out triggering material, haven't touched myself, or anything bad.

I finally went to confession today. My neighbor gave me a ride to the church, so I was very grateful. I confessed to the same priest that approved my Eagle Project (he knows me very well) face to face that I watched pornography when I was alone. I forgot to mention the amount, but I guess it doesn't matter. God knows what I did. Post confession, I went to a pew and experienced a very rare emotion. I felt like crying. I am not much of a crier, but I was very touched after that confession.

After, traipsed around the church grounds, admiring all the flowers people are adding to my artwork of a Eagle Scout Project. Talked to some friends. Oh! Another thing! The pastor of my church has chosen me to light the fire for the Easter Vigil! What an honor!

I guess I will tell you guys what I ate today, but don’t get too grossed out. I had an over easy egg and corned beef hash for breakfast. Then I had torta de lengua (Spanish to English translation: Beef tongue sandwich). It’s considered a delicacy in my culture. Boy! It was delicious! Then I had white rice, pinto beans, and rosemary chicken for dinner.

I have been talking to my AP about a certain pain I have been experiencing. A pain in my glands penis (penis head). I am reluctant to see a doctor, but honest to God (Lord Almighty) I am feeling all better. Sitting comfortably helped, and I also broke my hot water abstinence for lent and took a very hot bath to further sooth myself. All better

MY LENTEN SEASON SACRIFICES
*Hot water (Unless sick or injured)
*Gossiping
*Forbidden meats of The Bible - Pork, shellfish, pawed animals, and all scaleless creatures of the water (Catfish, squid, octopus, et cetera)

During confession my Pastor said that I am doing great in increasing my Christian faith day by day. He proceeded to ask me if I had ever thought about becoming a priest. I told that I had, a little bit. He then said that we would talk about more, and resolved me of my sins.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I am torn between a beautiful wife (That I love and respect at this very moment to remain a virgin for her) and becoming a Catholic Priest! Any suggestions??? Do you guys think I would be a better priest or husband?

~Squeaky Soul

 

Thanks IGY, Mumchance, and M123.

I have to agree with IGY as well. I am too young to be, “torn” between to very serious decisions.

You all put it into very good words.

~Squeaky Soul

 

Thanks M L. I have been told in the past that I could do anything I liked, so thanks.

Just letting you all know that I am fine. I was hit with a pretty big urge, but it off. I told the temptation., "You can do whatever the fuck you wanna do, but leave me alone."

Headphone Warning: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAvdsK3Bq28

Thanks everyone,

~Squeaky Soul

 

TURN UP!!!

My brother just had a crazy drinking party for his birthday. Music blasting, tons of people, cigarettes, tons of booze, and wasted people slouched over in chairs or barfing and pissing all over the place.

It was an awesome experience, but I don't feel like doing it again soon. The hassle of trying to keep drunk people calm and from hurting or killing themselves or others is too much responsibility. I understand why prohibition was a thing, because drunk people can be real assholes. I was ministering all the drunks – Keeping them calm, sitting them in a chair, giving them lots of water, food, and having them promise to not drink anymore for the night. Also, making sure they have sober rides.

The cops came and crashed our party, but that’s cool, it was going on too long, and it was getting out of hand. Plus, a bunch of people we didn’t invite started showing up… weird. Cleaned up all the broken bottles, empty cans, garbage, etc.

And before you ask, no, I don’t drink. Someone offered me a shot, but I turned them down. I was THE most sober person there. Had to be… if shit went down, I would have to fix it. Some idiot kept tossing lighter fluid into the fire…………………… Could’ve lit himself up pretty easily.

It was nice to just talk to people, make new friends, even though I wouldn’t normally want to hang out with alcoholics, or heavy drinkers. I dunno, parties are just okay for me. I am totally cool with not drinking though. Didn’t even think of throwing one back. I definitely fit in better with the older crowd. People my age, or younger tend to annoy me.

~SQUEAKY SOUL

 

Good day. The "Ol' Journal Pages" section has died, but it will be rejuvenated tomorrow.

Pretty alright day, chilled, and volunteered with my scouts.

~SS

 

Sorry for the absence! I have a pretty bad cold so I have been taking it easy.

I am trying to get really motivated to finish all my homework while being a little sick. Listening to mtivational work out videos from youtube help out.

I experienced an urge earlier but it melted away quickly without me doing anything. I was watching Breaking Bad, and it was the scene when Skyler and Walter get back together after their seperation and do the deed. I got aroused as hell, but like I said, it melted away quickly with no effort. Sounds like a good sign to me.

For months during my first streak I pondered for the "reboot" I was promised by Alexander. By all means, my mind was changed. I viewed poeple not as objects, but as people, but the urges will never go away. They will always manifest themselves in different ways, they will always bombard you, so you must buckle up and enjoy the ride.

~SS

 

Well, I knew it was bad, so I did look away. I didn't really feel like touching myself either.

IGY, based on that, do you think that my brain is healing?

~Squeaky Soul

 

Yeah, I was more stimulated by the noises more than visual, and yes I was alone.

~Squeaky Soul

 

Will do!

~Squeaky

 

I have been scarce on here.

Here's my newest journal entry:

Having a rough day. My friend is going through a tough time with his family, and instead of excepting support he is choosing to isolate himself. It's a terrible situation. He sent me and a few others a text message that got me really worried. I don't want to get into details, just to keep things, you know, discreet.

I got an assignment, but my cold has really got me in a weird funk... Yeah, another weird funk. Life is almost never perfect.

I have been motivating myself really good lately, it just takes a really long time to apply this motivation. It's like I get pumped at day break, but it takes all day until I start doing what I am supposed to do. When I am better, I will do BETTER.

I have just calculated the minimum amount of school (Still a lot) I have to do before my next appointment with the school councelor. Being homeschooled, Every month my school councelor comes to my house and picks up the homework that I've done and makes sure I am on schedule with my studies. Being homeschooled is no walk in the park, IF you do it right. You have to be highly self motivated to do all of your homework without a teacher biting at your ass all of the time. High motivation... that is something I am having trouble with. I am not falling behind though, so that's a plus.

Three weeks and two days ago I started applying my rage and anger of pornography to work outs. Now that I have a cold I can't work out, so I thought why not apply this anger towards school. Get that adrenaling pumping, and kick schools butt in the name of no PMO.

So, how do you guys think I am doing? I am open to criticism, and I want to improve myself. How can I be better? How can I be an inspiration to others?

Ol' Journal Pages

P. 31

Dear Journal,

{The}Time is 4:23 a.m. Can't go to sleep. Slight;y scared of going to bed. I think this one might be an all nighter. I am not in the mood for eating and drinking good food and drink and not in the mood to listen to music. I couldn't find peppermint oil for my water. Don't want to wake mom up. I really like this cool glass bottle she bought me!

The End (For now)

Urges were minimal today. Nothing I can't handle.

~Squeaky Pole