1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

The Mighty That Fell ~ Squeaky Soul's Journal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Squeaky Soul, Feb 8, 2015.

  1. M L

    M L Guest

    I'm sorry for your friend's trouble -keep a close eye on him - very close if need be. It's so hard to see someone hurting.

    You're doing great to be flexible with your strategy - no work-out = more school work. It can be hard to be highly productive all the time though.

    Keep going SS - you bring a lot to us here:)
     
  2. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    806
    269
    63
    Thanks M L. A lot of sleepless nights or going to bed after sunrise too. Too much school, but I guess keeping busy is perfect for doing away with PMO.

    The problem is, he doesn't want to consider any of us his friends. He feels isolated, so instead of branching out he has gone recluse. You'd imagine someone would want support in his situation, but he's pushing everyone away and not responding to our texts. I can't keep a close eye on him. We aren't friends to him anymore. He's in a very fragile state.

    I pray we can bring him back. His last message to us was very dark. As I said, I will not give details, but the way he worded it - Chilling.

    ~Squeaky Knoll
     
  3. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Please do not infer a criticism from this question, but why are you home schooled Squeaky Student, lol?

    With regard to this lad you are worried about. The best way you can support him is to reassure him of your love. For example, you could send a text like... "... You may not think of me as a friend, but I want you to know that I care about you. As far as I am concerned, there are no bridges burned between us ..." This puts no burden on him and there is no invitation for him to respond. The main message is that you feel for him. Therefore, if he needs to reach out to someone in his distress, he may well pick you. I have been in dark places several times in my life, and I can confirm that a message like this really penetrates the despair. Love is the strongest power in the universe (imo).
     
  4. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    806
    269
    63
    Thanks AP!

    I am homeschooled because 17 years ago, when I was born my father asked my mom if she would be open to homeschooling us. I don't know why, but I guess I should ask him. My mom always asked if we didn't want to homeschool anymore, but I was honestly scared of change.

    Yes, love is the strongest power in the universe.

    ~Squeaky Coal
     
  5. IGY

    IGY Guest

    Hi Squeaky Bottom, lol. We tend to be a little scared of new scenarios so I can understand you not wanting to go to school - squeaky bum time, eh? :p

    That's the first time I have heard of the decision being made to home school in that way. Usually, it is decided after the child starts school. The parent(s) endeavour to ensure the well-being and/or safety of their child(ren). If your dad's reason was based on that principle, it was prescient. :)

    Another puzzling aspect comes to mind - sorry - if your father was concerned about the risk to your well-being and safety, why would he want you: to socialise freely with your peers (as you seem to); get involved with The Scouts and to get fully involved in extra curricular activities such as ballroom dancing? :confused:
     
  6. whitewiz

    whitewiz Fapstronaut

    39
    0
    6
    good luck squeaky you know its really somthing to be clean somthing special go for it
     
  7. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    806
    269
    63
    My friend committed suicide shortly after his last text message. All of us responded to him in support, but his mind was made up. He never saw any of our messages.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  8. Aww man, I know exactly what you feel, bro. I once fell from a 149days streak. It seems minuscule to yours but man, it sucks. During those days I would write often too. Just repeat what helped you succeed, man and you'll get back to where you were.

    Best of wishes,
    Morethanaconuqeror_7
     
  9. Anturak

    Anturak Fapstronaut

    50
    0
    8
  10. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    806
    269
    63
    Relapse

    I have relapsed. I am responsible for my own actions. My friends suicide, my cold (And not being fit enough to exercise), and my sleepless night were the perfect brew for a relapse.

    I was lying in bed, and an urge came over me. About two hours later I was looking for triggering material. This eventually led to watching porn, and then to MO.

    Aaaaargh! I wish things could be easier.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  11. Hey Squeaky... right now you are going through a dark night of the soul. Don't beat yourself up for relapsing. I know God can feel distant at times like this. But just keep your heart lifted up to him. Have you talked to your priest about your feelings? He will be able to help.

    Wish you all the best, and my prayers are still with you.
     
  12. if you relapse too often then dont go for 30 days at once...try to make it day by day for at least a week.
    Everything is possible for the person who believes - Jesus
     
  13. freedomwarrior

    freedomwarrior Fapstronaut

    926
    849
    93
    Squeaky,

    I am so sorry that your friend chose to end his life. My condolences to you, his family, and all his friends that cared for him.

    Your friend,

    FW
     
  14. NoneForMeThanks

    NoneForMeThanks Fapstronaut

    240
    571
    93
    Squeaks,
    Im super sorry about your friend man. I really am. But, as harsh as this may sound, Dont let that interfere with your quit my brother. Now is when you need to be the strongest. During those sleepless nights read a book or go for a walk or take a cold shower! I know you have these tools and I know you know how to use them. I know these times are hard, but when the hard times get harder the strong get stronger my man. Stay Vigilant
     
  15. Squeaky Soul

    Squeaky Soul Fapstronaut

    806
    269
    63
    Hello Everyone,

    Thanks IGY, Mumchance, Ankur Sharma, Freedom Warrior, and None For Me Thanks!

    I just realized why I wasn't able to fight the urges effectively. I use strong emotions to obliterate urges. I use intense anger to get them out of my way. I use my hatred towards PMO to fuel my workouts, to fuel my homework.

    In recent events, I have been angry a lot, I have been sad a lot. This morning, I was laughing hysterically at little things. I am having mood swings. Happy, then angry, happy, then sad, or happy, then empty. I have already been experiencing intense emotions so much that I couldn't muster up anymore to fight off the urges. I instead succumbed to the urges after being tormented.

    ~Squeaky Soul
     
  16. IGY

    IGY Guest

    That makes sense to me Squeaky Soul. You must be emotionally exhausted from the rollercoaster you are on. Try and be kind to yourself and self-nurturing.
     
  17. M L

    M L Guest

    SS - it's ok. You have had a very big trauma. Let yourself feel all those things. We are here for you x
     
  18. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    2,176
    1,740
    143
    I didn't quite know how to express my sympathy for you Squeaky, but that sounds like an unbelievably shitty situation. My condolences for the loss of your friend. :( I hope in the coming days/ weeks you can find more sustainable ways to grieve, rather than getting angry/ frustrated and turning to porn.
     
  19. freedomwarrior

    freedomwarrior Fapstronaut

    926
    849
    93
    Squeaky,

    Get up, dust off, ride on. Exactly what you would tell me.

    FW
     
  20. dcchristopher

    dcchristopher Fapstronaut

    183
    28
    28
    Squeaky, you have to stay strong and keep your center in God. The best thing is to not take the slip so hard. You have been doing so good man, and who you are when you look at porn is not your real identity. Your are a loved, whole and healed child of God. You are an heir of the Kingdom of Heaven and God's grace abounds over sin.

    Sorry to here for your loss of friend, but don't let it bring you down to far. I'm sure they wouldn't have wanted you to lose yourself because of what they did. You are a strong man of God and have the power to overcome the world, because Jesus did.

    Blessings,
     

Share This Page