The moment your dreams go 'Inception'

So, I've been on this road for a few months now without any P, and approaching my first month MO free as well. I've been working on active recovery a lot lately (reading, introducing life and behavior changes, evaluating choices, exercising control, talking to others about it), and I totally recommend approaching this issue with as much help as you can. Don't just settle with working hard on not acting out because it's not a tic you're fighting but a serious mindset you're trying to affect. What happened last night is proof of that.

I have not dealt with urges or sexual wants for a while, and my brain is constantly developing a mindset that understands the positive about the addiction (what it 'provided' for me) but responds with what I know to be the truth (a high cost to keeping it). I had a dream, that I had logged into my computer and slowly gravitated into scenes that I had previously seen and were familiar. It took me a few seconds to understand that this was all too familiar, and all too not who I am now. At one point, my brain violently recognized what was happening and I smashed the computer in front of me as I broke into tears about what had happened and how bad it was that I had gotten there. I then woke up scared and realized that it was all in the dream.

My take is that if your dreams start employing 'subconscious security' like that in "Inception" (the scenes where everyone notices the hijacker of the dream, train scene, security shooting in downtown), there must be something that I'm doing very, very right. No sexual urges after this, no ejaculation or boner even. So get the idea out of your mind that you only need to teach yourself to not beat the meat and live a life of can and can't. Go ahead, use as many resources around you as you can and start defining yourself by who you are and especially who you aren't. Even your dreams will thank you.

Mindfully,
Achilles.

[A lot of the content in SMART Recovery has been helping me out lately. They offer a bunch of free resources on their website that allows you to evaluate, work through and plan ahead your recovery. Not affiliated, but I spend a lot of time there learning.]