The Most Important New Years Resolution I've Ever Made

This is my fourth attempt at quitting PMO.

My first attempt: Went hard mode (w/ a gf) but fully relapsed at 87 days. However, retrospectively I realize I had been cheating with "grey area" stuff (p-substitutes) the whole time. Kept a journal on Nofap.com

My second attempt: Made it ~120 days with no P, but allowing masturbating. At 120 days, I just got sick of it and fully relapsed. Kept a journal on NoFap.com

My 3rd attempt: I didn't log onto this website once because I didn't like that I never got feedback on my journal. However, I made it ~40 days without P and a healthy amount of masturbating (every few days, opposed to everyday). However, I started watched Game of Thrones which has a lot of nudity and that was too much of a trigger.

My 3rd attempt was the most important, because I made a realization prior to starting. I had never articulated a deep and true reason to quitting P. Obviously there are many benefits to quitting, but they are all LONG TERM benefits. So whenever I would want relapse, I would be choosing between a long term benefit vs a short term fix of dopamine. This is significant. For instance, everyone knows you run into a ton of time when you quit, which is a great benefit. However, when I'm fighting an urge, I'm mentally comparing that rush if watch porn NOW vs this benefit of extra time in my life. In the moment, I could care less about all that extra time I could save. I could care less that I objectify women more. I could care less that I have less energy everyday I use porn. When I'm fighting an incredibly strong urge, I could care less about all these long term benefits, because there are no instant short term benefits to quitting (this last sentence is not true, but it doesn't feel so when I'm fighting a strong urge).

This is where I came to the most important realization I have come to since I started this journey in February 2014. My three relapses have proved to me that I cannot watch porn moderately. If I could watch porn 2-3 times a month, I wouldn't consider it a problem. But EVERY SINGLY TIME I relapse, I go back to watching porn everyday.

All three times I relapsed, I didn't feel regret like you might expect. I felt good, if anything. However, when I watch porn everyday, I start feeling shitty. Low energy, poor social skills, less optimism, less enthusiasm, and lots of negativity.

This is the most important realization. It's a proof to myself, that I irrefutably believe and gives me strength when I need to fight an urge:

When I relapse, I always go back to watching porn everyday.​

When I watch porn everyday, I feel overwhelmingly negative.​

When I need to fight an urge, I can't think of the short term fix that I could get with porn, but think of the inevitable negativity that will come within a week or two after relapsing.
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So this is my fourth attempt at quitting. I'm fully caught up on Game of Thrones, so that won't be an issue until the new season comes out in April (I'll worry about that when the time comes). But I spontaneously decided, a few minutes into the new year, that I am going to make it the whole year of 2016 without watching porn. The challenge is exciting. Too appealing to relapse for. I'm enthusiastic. I've already felt tremendously more positive in the two days of the new year so far. I'm ready for it. My experiences have taught me well. I'm prepared!

 

My 4th Day

Felt a bit sensitive, but feeling pretty good today. Didn't do much - looking forward to go back home in a few days. But my journal is going to be about how I'm improving my life, not all about porn. Blocking PMO out of my life is a big step, but will be less of a burden if I am improving my life.

Today I made a list of goals I want to accomplish before medical school. It's a first draft, but here goes:

Goals by May 2016 (First Draft)

Educational
Books

Self Improvement (several)
Doctor's Burnout
ACA and Insurance
Drugs and Medicine
Leisure
Chess
Presidents
Meditation
Stock Market​

Work
Know everyone's name

Family
Talk to my siblings at least once a month

Hobbies
Go out alone and improve my pickup game

Health
Full fledged half-ironman training schedule

Other
Be 5 months clean of porn and masturbation​

I've made progress and a dent in all of these things, but I can add more. Considering learning to play piano as it is a dream of mine, but I don't know if it is too much to take on right now. I'll improve this list in the days coming.

 

Thank you guys. Usually around the 40 day mark I lose motivation, but I still stick with NoFap. But this time around, I'm going to increase my guard at 40 days. I think every time I start, I get super motivated and spend hours on Nofap.com to start and then, I get sick of posting so much. This time I will increase my guard! As for GoT, I will consider not watching the shows until the 7th season comes out and perhaps reading the books to fill me in. I'll figure it out when the time comes.

 

My 5th Day

Feeling withdrawal symptoms already?? Since I woke up, I've been agitated with everything and starting arguments. I'll take this any day if it means a step towards sobriety.

As for improving my life, I'm going to start drafting a compiled list of reasons I want to quit porn. Another day I want to compile a list of websites that will serve as prolonging motivation and as my emergency button. But not all at once. I'll start this when I get home on Thursday.

 

My 8th Day

Finally back home and I spent the whole day zooming through a huge to-do list of things I've wanted to do for the last week or two (but couldn't because I was not home). Super productive and it feels great.

I tried going to sleep naked last night, but actually found it distracting and found it increased my urge. I stayed up for an hour (when it usually takes <5 minutes to sleep) so I slept with briefs instead, which helped..

As I intend to do for every post in this journal here's how I am improving my life. Here are some notes to myself for posts I will make in the future:

• A complete list of reasons why I quit porn
• An honest list of reasons why I want to watch porn
• A complete list of goals I wish to accomplish by May 2016
• A compiled list of:
  • My personal emergency tools (the best articles/videos to read when fighting urges)
  • My personal collaboration of the best sources for educating me (and to recommend others)
• A precise plan how to combat the 40 day slump - what I will force myself to do everyday? I will rely on habit not willpower.
• A complete list of triggers and a SPECIFIC way of combating of everyone.

I will make one post per day - so I should have these 7 bullet points done in 7 days. Beauty.

Life is awesome.

 

Thanks DannyCool! I love your first counter - good luck to completing your second!

 

My 9th Day

Just spent the morning hanging out with my ex girlfriend and it stirred a lot of emotions. I know she is not for me and I have no intention of trying to get back together, but the conversation and atmosphere was filled with triggers. We were in my house alone and we were talking about sex. She has a boyfriend now, and our friendship is purely platonic, but I kept wanting to have sex with her. We were talking about explicit, specific details about when we had sex and had such a lust to have sex with her to relive it. I knew there was 0% chance of that happening even if I tried (because she wouldn't cheat) but it was an intense emotion. I've noticed when I've had urges the last few days, they've been long lasting desires that didn't go away when I would get distracted. But going on this website helped. It's also interesting that I'm craving masturbating more than I'm craving porn because MO would relieve the urge while I internally feel disgusted by porn because I know how unfulfilling it is.

 

Are you speaking from personal experience?

 

It's my gap year before medical school so I'm trying to make the most of it before I go - INCLUDING being 6 months clean from PMO because I need to have as much focus and energy as I've ever had in my life for medical school. Escaping the stresses with porn would be a terrible way to deal with stress!

My dad used to smoke and he would say "One too many, a thousand never enough!"

I was watching GoT with a healthy mindset but it quickly turned into "I can't wait to watch GoT for the show itself and for the little bit of nudity." When watching porn, GoT isn't that stimulating, but when you've starved your brain with porn, it's very stimulating. I'll address myself honestly when the new season comes out.

Last comment to @ned123 : beware of the 40 day slump! I've found that by not having a habitual routine to keep my guard high, I just got "sick of NoFap.com". I've heard this phrasing with a lot of people too. I'm planning to counteract that with forcing myself to do something everyday, whether it be reading yourbrainonporn.com everyday or something similar.

 

Part 1:Complete List of Why I Am Quitting Porn
(Only using self-based evidence)​

• When I watch porn,
  • I get easily annoyed
  • I am rewarding myself for doing nothing
  • I don't have energy to have simple productive days
    • I make excuses to put off goals - short term and long term
    • I place blame
  • I procrastinate more
  • I PUT OFF ALL MY GOALS (I know I'm repeating, but this is so important)
  • I am escaping emotions when I should practice facing them. Generally speaking they are:
    • boredom (the big one)
    • stress
  • I lose my desire to have passionate sex
    • For example, the thought of giving head excites me only when not watching porn. Without PMO in my life, I am truly excited by the prospect of turning a girl on.
    • Also, when not PMOing, the classic, "boring" missionary position, actually excites me.

• When not watching porn,
  • I have much more time on my hands
  • I don't have to time masturbation sessions around when my roommates are gone.
  • I don't have to worry about whether my roommates think I'm masturbating in the bathroom.
  • I can truthfully tell my friends that I don't watch porn (and give them reasons to quit as well without being a hypocrite)
  • and let my friends use my phone/cpu, it is so LIBERATING knowing there's no porn in my recent history.

There might be more that I think of, I will edit it for myself as needed.

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This is part 1 of 7. I intend to post the 7 parts on my journal and then post them all together in one post. Here's what I will post in the next 6 days along with my regular journal entries:

1. A complete list of reasons why I quit porn
2. An honest list of reasons why I want to watch porn
3. A complete list of goals I wish to accomplish by May 2016
4. A compiled list of:
   1. My personal emergency tools (the best articles/videos to read when fighting urges)
   2. My personal collaboration of the best sources for educating me (and to recommend others)
5. A precise plan how to combat the 40 day slump - what I will force myself to do everyday? I will rely on habit not willpower.
6. A complete list of triggers and a SPECIFIC way of combating of every one of them.

 

Part 2:Why I Watch Porn
​

I watch porn when:

• I have an emotion that makes me uncomfortable
  • BOREDOM and I don't want to feel bored anymore
  • HORNY and I don't want to feel horny anymore
  • LONELY and I don't want to feel lonely anymore
  • CRAVING and I don't want to crave porn anymore

• I start fantasizing about
  • A particular porn scene I've already seen whether it's:
    • One of my favorites
    • A scene I haven't seen in ages
  • A perfect porn scene I haven't seen yet, such as:
    • A well-known porn star doing something novel
    • My favorite porn stars doing something novel
    • A particular combination of porn stars
  • My past sexual relationships

• I get an erection because
  • My hand is in my pants
  • I'm humping my bed before going to sleep
  • It randomly happens to us throughout the day

• I rationalize watching porn substitutes:
  • "Well I was watching this movie with nudity anyway - no harm in rewatching the nude scenes."
  • "I stumbled on a suggestive advertisement (that I wasn't originally seeking) - I'm allowed to view it."
  • "I'm allowed to click on a link that I contain porn substitutes as long as I 'X' out quickly."
  • "I don't want to view pornographic content - I'm just curious."

There might be more that I think of, I will edit it as needed.
This was particularly difficult to write as thinking of reasons I watch porn innately had me processing my triggers.

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This is part 2 of 7. I intend to post the 7 parts on my journal and then put them all together in one post. Here's what I will post in the next 5 days along with my regular journal entries:

1. A complete list of reasons why I quit porn
2. An honest list of reasons why I want to watch porn
3. A complete list of goals I wish to accomplish by May 2016
4. A compiled list of:
   1. My personal emergency tools (the best articles/videos to read when fighting urges)
   2. My personal collaboration of the best sources for educating me (and to recommend others)
5. A precise plan how to combat the 40 day slump - what I will force myself to do everyday? I will rely on habit not willpower.
6. A complete list of triggers and a SPECIFIC way of combating of every one of them.

 

My 11th Day

Finally got back to the gym after a 3 week layover and it feels great. Watching Seinfeld today and there was a moment with the slightest flash of nudity. I wanted to replay it, but I realized that there was no point. I was using curiosity to rationalize it. But I ended up rewatching it. I'm not going to dwell on it - nor am I going to do that again.

 

Part 3: Goals​

Educational

• Reading
  • I've been reading a lot lately and want to keep it up. Just bought ~30 books (self improvement, fiction, fantasy, and medically related) and I want to read an average of 30 minutes a day
• Writing
  • I've been writing in a journal everyday for the last year (it's a "Few lines a day for 5 years" journal). I want to consistently write in it once a day instead of backtracking several days like I have in the past.
• Cooking
  • Learn how to make 3 new dishes for each meal that I can repeatedly and easily make.
  • Make a compiled list of every dish I know how to cook

Social

• Work
  • Know all ~150 names in less than a month
  • Become good friends with 3 co-workers
  • Do not complain about my boss at all (this might be extraordinarily difficult)
• Pick-Up Game
  • I've gotten better at approaching women over the last few months. However I've never done it sober and would like to be able to do so.
  • I would also like to advance from simple approaches to working towards mid game
• Family
  • Call parents twice a month
  • Communicate with siblings once a month

Physical Health

• Triathlon
  • Complete the half-ironman triathlon in under 6 hours in June
  • PR the DC Half-Marathon in March
  • Have a full-fledged training schedule by the end of January
    • Swimming ~5 times a week
    • Lifting ~2 times a week
    • Running ~3 times a week
    • Biking ~3 times a week
• Ankles
  • Incorporate ~10 minutes of ankle exercises everyday
• Nails
  • Completely rid of my compulsive nail-biting habit.

Mental Health

• Meditation
  • Learn about it
  • Incorporate ~10 minutes of meditation into my morning routine
• Sleep
  • Read, "Take a Nap! Change Your Life" and incorporate a 20 minute nap into my routine
• NoFap
  • Do everything in my power to be fully clean by May 2016
  • More specific goals to be discussed in Part 5 of this series
• Self-Improvement Log
  • Thankful List (every morning, log something I am thankful for)
  • Meditation Log (every morning, log the amount of time I meditated for)
  • Remind myself everyday to be positive and make the most of each day

Finances

• Record
  • Continue recording all my expenses and earnings on my excel sheet
• Save
  • Have saved 50% of my earnings by May 2016

Other

• Cleanliness
  • Maintain a clean apartment such that I'd never be embarrassed if people came over

This is my list so far. I will add to it as needed.

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Every day from this point forward, I will either be doing one of 3 things

1. Accomplishing micro goals (i.e. to-do list items; e.g. clearing space on my cpu, returning phone calls, etc.)
2. Working towards long term goals (i.e. anything on this post)
3. Accomplishing long term goals

And to push myself to do this, my journal will always include one of these three things. This journey is about making the most of our lives not just removing PMO from it.

Imagine this: Everyday for the rest of my life I will be working towards accomplishing a goal that is important to me. That is a fantastic way to live.

I'm pumped. Life is awesome.

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This is part 3 of 7. I intend to post the 7 parts on my journal and then put them all together in one post. Here's what I will post in the next 4 days along with my regular journal entries:

1. A complete list of reasons why I quit porn
2. An honest list of reasons why I want to watch porn
3. A complete list of goals I wish to accomplish by May 2016
4. A compiled list of:
   1. My personal emergency tools (the best articles/videos to read when fighting urges)
   2. My personal collaboration of the best sources for educating me (and to recommend others)
5. A precise plan how to combat the 40 day slump - what I will force myself to do everyday? I will rely on habit not willpower.
6. A complete list of triggers and a SPECIFIC way of combating of every one of them.