The most important things are the hardest things to say.

I can relate to your experience with keeping things private even despite the anonymity provided on this site. I've come to accept though that there are some things that aren't meant to be shared with others and that these things can range from joyful moments to sorrowful ones. Sometimes an experience is just meant for me and me alone.

We're all living mysteries.

"And sometimes I have kept my feelings to myself, because I could find no language to describe them in" --Jane Austen

 

I think there lies in the human heart a deep-seated desire to bare itself, to confess itself. The confessional either reflected this desire, or created it. It's interesting that in the earliest prose you find this confessional character [thinking of Rousseau's Confessions], for there had to be some outlet for it. At the time it was thought scandalous and lacking all propriety, but in our day and age it has just about become the norm. Witness the proliferation of forums.

I think there is a time and place for confession, but in the privacy of our lives. An anonymous forum such as this is a strange hybrid of the public and private.... and it serves the function of a confessional. But I think given the nature not only of the anonymity, but also the medium... random posts in a written language.. we do better to create allusions and distractions in our communications, that is, to enjoy the process and not to expect too much from it. Ideally, we should conduct ourselves somewhat tongue in cheek, not too seriously, given the nature of the medium, and to err on the side of generosity in our interpretations.

Greater expectations are better satisfied in concrete conversations we may have face to face, where humor and nuances of meaning flesh out what is only too imperfectly said in words.

 

I'm a 12-stepper for a particular drug of choice. I haven't told anyone say in my office, because it's not necessary and I don't think they'd understand.

On the other hand there are things I told my friends and family which were also not necessary, but I did to see if I could be ok with it out in the open. Telling them about my porn addiction for example, among other things. They told me "you could have kept that to yourself" but there came a sense of closure disclosing it. There are other things which not a word was really said except for "oh, ok, thanks for telling me". For me that was about sorta knowing myself. Like "listen, this is something you don't know and I want you to know for my own strength".

There can be a certain irreversibility to saying something out loud. And it's not too surprising when those can't speak out loud look at those who do with confusion.

I don't mean to make light of you having said something to someone. Just that it can be a "opportunity".

 

In my first flush of enthusiasm for Nofap, I made the mistake of talking about it with a good mate. With a panicky look in his eye, he asked if I had divined something about him. Turns out he was a 'user', as many men are today, and our friendship soon fizzled out.

I think the 'don't ask, don't tell' policy is best.

 

I don't spread the gospel of NoFap, but if there is an "opener" I will tell someone that I've decided to quit looking at porn. The conversation can then move into possible NoFap territory.

As you can imagine that kind of opportunity doesn't come around often.

Sorta like Buzz's situation, I tend to favour an "attraction, not promotion"(out of 12-step programs) mentality. I wouldn't bring it up and say "hey, there's something you might want to be aware of". Not because it might not be helpful to them, but when I say on these forums I wish I had known about this stuff earlier in life, what I really mean is I was too stupid/ignorant/arrogant/in denial/unaware of my own body and feelings for anyone promoting such a program to be able to get through to me. When they notice something different about you, when they ask you what you did, there's more humility and power that comes from it. Like secret sacred knowledge that really works rather than alarmist preaching.

It's one way to look at it anyway.