The need to improve: Journal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Arez01, Mar 26, 2020.

  1. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 1: I moved my journal here because: a) this forum section is more fitting (according to what a certain user told me) b) I relapsed. I don't want to be dramatic, telling you what problems did I have (and some of them I still have) because of PMO, because I don't want anyone's pity, I want to be sin-free and that's all, I don't want to cry. This day went amazing, mainly because of new responsibilities; it all went down since the pandemic, and making a schedule can be hard but I can't live without one -> without a schedule I will have more time for being a lazy punk and therefore to masturbate. That's all what I have to say for this day, peace dudes -
     
  2. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 2: Today was beautiful, I'm really tired now but in short: my work was good, exercise was good, I won over urges, reading bible was good, I didn't have any argument today; so many things I can be grateful for, I feel like tommorow is going to be bad just because I had so nice day today. Peace fellas
     
  3. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 3: Today was really nice, had urges but reading bible helps to fight them, I still feel that I'm a slave to the dopamine but I hope it will get better; never think about your future wife, nothing good comes out of it. Peace dudes
     
  4. The way I am

    The way I am Fapstronaut

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    I could not exactly get the point of why you refuse to think over your future wife, but well, as a motivation, Here I am with you, go get it bro.
     
  5. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 4: Day was weird, a little worse than yesterday but still nice. Urges were strong but I'm still going.
    Thanks dude, what I meant was "don't think about reverse sex in general because you can trigger an unnecesery urge even when you think about your future partner" - peace
     
  6. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 4 (again): I relapsed 4 days ago and I didn't want to seem pathetic by constantly writing "day: 0" and showing my emotions by losing the fight with my addiction so I decided to wait those 4 days and see If I can do it, and as you can see, I did it, I'm glad, and I think I'm going to change my style this way. Because it seems like, when I'm checking out nofap every hour - there are prons and cons: I remind myself those rules and advices I need to follow so I can fight better but I'm reminding myself that I have an addiction and I remind myself the thoughts (I mean porn pictures in my mind) I want to forget about. So now I will try to update my journal every ~4 days and see where it gets me. Peace dudes-
     
  7. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 8: I feel like a monk, all thanks to God and reading bible, I felt disturbed when I found out that there can be literal porn on twitter (I went there because I had 0 responsobilities that day) and I need to clean my mind from all this shit I saw. Twitter is very bad for your brain but everybody seems to leave facebook for that (not that facebook is any good, but it has some morals [still]). Aside from that, I found a cool nofap server on discord, if anyone is interested: https://discord.gg/KUqGmkB . Peace dudes
     
  8. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 12: I had a terror-urge yesterday. It was so bad, I really couldn't think about anything else, if I didn't get up and pray for sleep I would definitely relapse. Today I still had urges but it seems like they are swimming away.

    Btw, I learned something. A life style is literally a life style. People don't level up like in video games, where you train hard to get good and then you can laze around and nothing will happen. After being lazy, some results of your hard work are mantained and some vanish. That's why we have to keep fighting with ourselves, we shouldn't treat free-time like it's impossible for us to become lazy because of it. That's my opinion atleast.

    Also very important:
    Please find someone with similiar set of morals to talk to/or even look on. We all have to face the pandemic and with the free-time we can be lenient to degeneracy in any form, is it "body-freedom" or violence, we shouldn't entertain ourselves with things that are evil.

    That's all dudes - peace
     
  9. Stay strong! urges will pass eventually and you will feel so much better
     
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  10. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 16: The schedule stays the same and I feel kinda bad. I didn't watch porn and didn't relapse but damn, some of those urges were strong, without God I would lose already. Turns out sitting on twitter all day isn't making your day happier, imagine my shock, this pandemic really gets boring and also ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I will never buy a bird if I'm going to keep it in cage.
    Some things are worse but I don't have a bigger impact on them, some things are worse because of sitting on twitter. This day was eeeh, but it wasn't useless.

    i really would like to complain more but I don't want to sound pathetic and I'm already pretty annoying. Be strong lads, develop the hatred for the sex-trafficking porn industry, never give up on fighting the addiction, it really gets easier - Peace
     
  11. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 21: Finally my streak hit that number! I can't remember when was the last time when I survived so long without porn and masturbation. Maybe that's placebo but I really feel like I'm more human than before, I can't wait to hit day 90, then 120, then finally day 245, the day confirmed to be the one in which you are mostly healed (source https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...eeks-of-abstinence-to-cure-your-brain.233726/). It really gets easier dudes, peace
     
  12. Ted123

    Ted123 Fapstronaut

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    Well done Arez! You're doing great
     
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  13. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 25: I'm definitely more energetic than before, but it has a flaw unfortunately: I don't want to do my homework more than ever. I would do anything else but that. I love physical work, I don't have a brain fog anymore and I'm doing great at things that are interesting to me but I just can't stand sitting in front of my desk reading about triangles and kinetic force, it came to the point it's even painful. I often want to do something but then I remember that I have this shitty undone homework, and I'm not going to finish it, I will cringe over it until falling asleep.
    I'm also more hungry for love than I am for sex, it's a good thing but I feel like if I'm not going to be carefull I will start to feel lonely like a dummy - "I will think about a relationship that doesn't exist, surely I'm not going to feel lonely after I realize that I'm single"
    That's probably all dudes - peace
     
  14. msgcommander

    msgcommander Fapstronaut

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    Dude, did you stop continuing you journal? I really loved reading your everyday experiences and how you fought porn. It has helped me too. If you relapsed, dont give up dude and please continue your journal. You are really close!
     
  15. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Yeah I became lazy with this journal. I thought that I figured it all out but now, after 32 days, I relapsed;
    Not just once but three times (I really wanted to say "twice" but I need to be honest, otherwise I'm lying to myself), I basically threw away all the testosterone I was fighting for, my inner energy and memory became shit immediately and I reminded myself how does it feel once again. The good side of it is that I learned something new: it's better to get out of the bed at 2 a.m and don't sleep at all than jerk off and fall asleep immedietaly. One will cost me testosterone and consciousness for one day, the second one will make me subhuman.

    I guess I can make this comment my journal post and add something more:
    I realized how much I don't care about the economy and this system. I don't care about high wages, about schooling-system, money, modernity, technology, politics; all of it just makes our lifes more meaningless, we already live in dystopia where you can watch the most horrible shit you could imagine in ten swings of a finger, where shame becomes more and more unimportant, where you are either a far-something-winged or you "don't contribute to the society", where the meaning of life is to consume, it's all doomed honestly. I should focus on bettering myself, not on something on global scale that I can't change.
    Btw, I have a new habit: keep water in my mouth for 30 minutes. It's basically bro-science based on ancient habits and you should do that with some kind of oil (but imo water also works). What it supposedly does:
    -shapes your chin
    -cleanses your gums
    -it has a healthy effect on your entire body ((supposedly))
    That's it dudes, new post when I hit 7 days.
     
  16. msgcommander

    msgcommander Fapstronaut

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    Dude, seriously you are taking this way to dramatically. Like i said before we all screw up but we have to get back up dude. Nobody will spoon feed you. Everyone can only say stuff to motivate you or to encourage you to stop it but in reality only one person can help you. YOURSELF. If you lose hope in yourself, shit will go downhill real quick. Dude you didn't relapse for 32 DAYS! A feat a lot of people have not even ACHIEVED! You brain recovered SO MUCH. Now you may have relapsed, but u have to stop it then and there, and also dude, i think you should stop making this gap of 4 days before you make a post. I suggest that you make a post everyday or at least every 2 days. I think it will motivate you to keep going. Just hang in there :)
     
  17. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 3: It's kind of shite. I wish I wouldn't be on my computer so much but I have to keep in my mind my e-homework, not like I would actually do it, no no no, I will think about it and feed my social-media addiction just because if I get rid of my computer I automatically get rid of my homework. Only slight urges today. Still feel bad but I don't want to whine, peace dudes.
     
  18. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Relapsed: I couldn't think about anything else than sex in the morning. I was thinking: "No, I can't jack off! It's not an excuse that I'm not watching porn." was thinking that turning my computer on will set my mind in other direction, ended up watching porn and relapsing. Took a cold shower immedietaly, it helped. Now I'm going to do something new: nofap subliminals. I have to try it out. Was thinking about life and stuff, appreciated nature, absorbed some vitamin D from the sun. and that's all, next post is going to be on day 7, I know that "maybe" it'd be better if I updated it every day but I don't want to do this chain of "day 1. day 2. day 3. relapse. day 1. day 2. day 3. relapse." because it's embarrassing for me. That's it, peace dudes
     
  19. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Relapsed :/, didn't watch porn; I feel bad but I need to go on.
     
  20. Arez01

    Arez01 Fapstronaut

    Day 8: If you have to choose between having new responsibilities or free time, always go for the first one. Even if they are either hard or boring, you will keep yourself away from addiction and 99% of the time it will improve either your body or mind.

    A man needs to move. Having a certain job doesn't justify you to let your body rot. Without any kind of movement your body absolutely will want to release the energy and because you are addicted to PMO you will release the energy in this way.

    Even when you have to relapse, when you let your mind swim in this kind of thoughts, you touch yourself and you know it's too late; don't watch porn, just jerk off without it. It's not just about you but also about contributing to this sex-trafficking industry.
    That's all, peace
     

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