NoFap

  1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

The Nitty Gritty

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by FishBrawler, Sep 12, 2017.

  1. Sep 12, 2017 #1
    FishBrawler

    FishBrawler Fapstronaut

    20
    4
    3
    I guess I should do a little background knowledge here. I was an early bloomer and have been watching porn and masterbating since the fourth grade and I'm 19 now. It's been a habit. I do it everyday. Sometimes multiple times a day. I never really thought it was a problem.

    Over the summer, as my work season ramped up, I was working 60+ hours a week. And all I wanted to do when I came home was jack off. That wasn't out of the usual, but things started getting a little out of hand. I was doing it in the morning and afternoon and at night. My porn search history started to get super kinky. But worse of all, I started to push my girlfriend away. I kept ignoring her and saying I was busy so I could go masterbate. She thought I was cheating on her. And in a way it felt like it. Long story short, I broke up with her because I felt like I didn't have the time or necessity for her in my life.

    I don't know what made me think I had a problem, but I'm glad I did. So I've been trying to do a no PMO routine for a little over a month. The first few times were only a week and this time was 18 days. But I guess now I'm getting into the nitty gritty.

    My friendship with my ex has been rekindled and I told her about my addiction and struggle. She has been super helpful in helping me be strong and resist. I don't really think about porn anymore as much as I do masterbating. It's hard to break a lifetime habit. But now I'm determined to get her back and I've been working on it relentlessly. I had her over last night and I ended up on top of her kissing her neck and all the sudden I just ejaculated. I was so embarassed. She is super upset with herself because she thinks it's her fault for being a temptation. Mind you that I lost a lot of sensitivity the over time and now I feel super sensitive to all this touch.

    So I guess here is the question; Is it going to be healthy for me to stop with my No PMO and just do no PM and pursue an intimate relationship with her? Is pursuing something romantic going to help me rewire my brain if I stick to just no PM? How do I help convince her that what happened wasn't her fault?
     
    FishBrawler, Sep 12, 2017
    FishBrawler, Sep 12, 2017
    #1
    pranav02 likes this.
  2. Sep 16, 2017 #2
    Got to Overcome

    Got to Overcome Fapstronaut

    273
    292
    63
    1. I see no problem with orgasms so long as they're with someone you care about. I think that sex with prostitutes or women met on hookup sites inhibits the healing process in much the same way that pornography does, but so long as they're with someone you're actually interested in as a person, there's no problem.

    The one issue I see is the chaser effect. I think there's a tendency to minimize it, but that's a mistake. I actually just relapsed a few days ago because of it. The day after orgasm, the desire to do so again is greatly increased, so if you're going to orgasm with a partner, try to do it during a weekday rather than a Saturday night. Of course, these things can be difficult to plan for, but the point is that it's important to be aware of the chaser effect and the way it can lead us to relapse.

    2. The development of real-life relationships is a huge part of the healing process, so I think it's a great idea to pursue a romantic relationship.

    3. That's a tough question, and depends on a number of factors. To be honest, I don't think there's much to worry about. If I were in your situation, I'd just proceed with the relationship as if it never happened.
     
    Got to Overcome, Sep 16, 2017
    Got to Overcome, Sep 16, 2017
    #2

Share This Page