The opposite of needy and creepy.

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by elevate, Mar 17, 2019.

  1. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    Being needy is being overly attached to an outcome that you desire to the point of self sabotage due to excessive carefulness / walking on egg shells / playing not to lose.

    Being creepy is behaving in a way that hides your real intentions (or ashamed of it) while trying to manipulate someone towards what you really want. This is how so many people act like someone's friend and later gets angry that they don't want to date them despite how well they treat the person.

    The opposite of being needy is being comfortable with being rejected.

    The opposite of being creepy is expressing yourself honestly.

    The problem with being honest is that not many people want their real self to be rejected. They don't think they're good enough. They feel that the other person is above them, they're below them, and they have to do something extraordinary to close the perceived gap.

    So how do you get comfortable with being rejected? One of the ways is by getting used to it through experience. The other way is with a different mindset.

    What's more important than the immediate outcome? More important than being rejected? More important than a person's physical attributes? More important than avoiding short term emotions and negative experiences?

    Not rejecting yourself (your real self) by pretending to be someone that you think other people will like better which leads to you being surrounded by people who like you for someone that you're not.

    Expressing yourself honestly and thus repel the ones that aren't interested while attracting the right people that resonate with who you are. Have people in your life that are excited to receive what you have to offer and are excited to give what you want to have. Rather than trying to convince someone to be interested in you for the entire duration of the relationship / paranoid that you might accidentally show your real self.

    Doing the scary, difficult, uncertain, and uncomfortable things that might not work to become the person you want to be and to have the life that you want to have.

    In the past I have being successful in attaining relationships via being creepy and needy. It was not fun. It lacked any sort of connection. Attraction to physical attributes gets old real quick. Most importantly, I reinforced the fact that I was rejecting myself. So I set out on a long journey to find out who I really am, what I really wanted, and practiced expressing myself honestly and directly. Eventually I met more and more people who were grateful and excited to be with me. That's more important than any rejection. A rejection to me these days means that I don't have to waste my time and I can move on to other people who desire me. This goes for dating / friends / relatives / etc.

    Avoiding rejection and short term pain isn't worth living a life of needy and creepy despair.
     
  2. well said and very true
     
  3. Dr. Mario

    Dr. Mario Fapstronaut

    And hey, if you try to accept yourself as you are, but you're not quite able to?
    Then use that as motivation to change for the better! Not to be a creeper who hides your shame.
     
  4. Ra's Al Ghul

    Ra's Al Ghul Fapstronaut

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  5. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    If you're fortunate enough to have people in your life that like you for who you really are, then you'll see how terrible life can be when you try to convince others to be interested in you.

    If you're not fortunate enough to have people like that in your life yet, then you'll have to sacrifice short term emotions (rejection / discomfort / uncertainty / adversity) for long term outcomes (having people that resonate with your honest self expression).

    I'm very good with people that like me for me and I'm very bad with people that don't like who I really am. Where a lot of people go wrong is they try to be liked by everyone out of fear.

    Rejection is a blessing in disguise. Get to it at fast as possible. Think of it like.... "I'm glad we figured out that we aren't right for each other as soon as possible so we can both move on to better people"...

    The less I tried to act like someone that I think a lot of people would like me for and the more I went deeper into who I really am, the more the right people came into my life and the wrong ones faded away.

    Think of it like an interview. They're seeing if you're fit for the job and you're seeing if that company is right for you. Don't just desperately say "I'll do anything, just give me a job"... "I'll throw away all my values and all the things I like about myself just because you have attractive physical attributes"...

    I like who I am and if others don't like who I am, then goodbye because I don't have time for them.
     

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