The paradox of the recovery benefits

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by sailorjoe, Apr 6, 2016.

  1. sailorjoe

    sailorjoe Fapstronaut

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    Hey all,

    I chose to post this here as to attract those who have been successful.
    I'm a 23 y/o male suffering from what could be minor PIED or some pretty major performance anxiety. I've had sex in the past and had a stable relationship for over a year, but over the past year things have changed. I started to use PMO as a stress release and could feel myself equating sexual relations as simply a way to relieve stress and not actually feel the love/lust for another human being.

    I've had a couple bad experiences with ED since then, and am working to reboot--I was at 11 days today before failing once again.

    Anyway, I'd like to get your thoughts on these benefits people claim to have. By 11 days I could tell my flaccid size was getting larger, sure, I could tell I was a little more turned on, sure, but in general I want to really improve in the other areas in my life too. This includes less social anxiety, less 'getting in my own head', more confidence with ladies, and an overall clearness of mind.

    My question is, I wonder how much of these benefits are brought about not necessarily by nofap, but by achieving a goal you've set. I tried to explain this to a friend of mine, like for me the problem is not excessive masturbation, it's that even though I've recognized for quite some time I want to stop this--im still not able to. That is what's most discouraging, and leads to a severe shot at my confidence.

    Maybe I just need to finally officially reach 30, then 60 days and see what happens with my PIED. Im fairly certain that if I stick to hardmode, way easier said than done, that I could cure it. But who knows with the other stuff, with the becoming a better version of myself, with regaining the ability to feel real emotions and connect with someone again.

    The emptiness inside me grows, I miss being open, vulnerable, alive--just want those feelings back. that confidence
     
  2. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

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    When you use excessive masturbation, you usually do it as a means to get away from your emotions, or to fill an emptiness inside. When you stop masturbation, you need to face this, and you might learn one or two things about yourself. Moreover, you need to replace your bad habit with a new, good habit in order to fill the void in your daily timetable.

    Once you do this you might realize other bad habits of yours, replace them with other good habits... and watch your life improve.

    That's how NoFap and this whole self-improvement thing are, indirectly, connected to each other I suppose.
     
  3. Ikindaknew

    Ikindaknew Fapstronaut

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    Trust me...you sound too concerned by numbers. There is no instant dividend, no instant gratification on this journey.

    PMO isolated you, make you feel bashful anyway.

    The benefits are plenty, YMMV. You are right, some benefits, like self-confidence, might PARTLY come from the fact that you set a goal and manage to accomplish it. This is real.
    Reaching goals in a powerful therapy. But there is also dividends on the "brain re-wring" side of things.

    PMO deals with brain connections, reward circuits, etc. A downward spiral emotionally.

    I started to get rid of PIED after about 20 days. Its easier to heal from it if you are older and didn't start watching porn during the high-speed internet era, or so they say.
    But I'm married, so I can't speak for performance anxiety. After being together 18 years, If I was to have a little ED, that would make me feel bad a little ,but nothing compared to the fear of dating a girl and don't be able to get it up.

    I completely stopped to watch porn, completely stopped masturbating, but I have real sex. My erections are back in full force. No more loosing momentum during prelims etc.
    But your situation is a little different. I totally stopped fantasizing and wiped porn and sex of my thoughts.

    I think that helps a lot with the re-wiring when there is no more stimulation outside the bedroom. The mind learns to re-focus on other things. work, talking to people, do something that you like. Not staying at home in front of the computer all the time.

    Your penis WILL heal, but the major contributor to that is mind "wellness" and "cleanliness". Stress is an erection killer. Find healthy stress fighting/coping-mechanisms.
    stress re-route the blood towards the major organs in the torso...extremities suffer!
     
  4. kk76

    kk76 Fapstronaut

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    It fixed many things for me. Unhappiness, not belonging, not being listened to and feeling like I didn't matter, being moved, expecting to fit into a new family, being picked on and bullied, not having a girlfriend and sexual frustration. It lifted tension, stress, worry, anxiety, not sleeping and eased the pressure.

    So expecting to stop something that did so much is/was no stroll in the park and meeting the real me is great yet terrifying. No more pretending, lying, hiding or being what I'm not.
     

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