THE PMO CYCLE

Hello guys
Today I relapsed for the 23049340th time. I can't stand that anymore. It's like I'm heavy addicted to the 10 seconds of pleasure it gives me. But after I feel like a zombie and all the bad emotions come in.

Today for the first time I tried to analyze the relapsed. It went like this. I was laying on the bed because I didn't sleep well yesterday, watching tv and trying to rest. All of a sudden the tv showed the trailer of a movie with a very famous american actress. In my brain there was one thought "I don't remember what does she look like, go google her" and I went google her (normal pics). Then I moved to more risky pics and eventually to p**n pics. Then I went to general p**n pics and I relapsed without touching me.

That is so frustrating because I am too weak to control the thoughts. The thoughts control me. I don't have enough will power. I think I won't never break this cycle. I'm now 4 almost 5 years in trying nofap/sr and I've never gone past 15 days. I know that the best strategy is to not think about nofap and don't count the days because it worked for me in the past but today it is not working anymore. But if I think about nofap and count the days I relapse even quickly.

What can I do? I don't want to use blockers because it looks like you're not really in control of yourself (and you can still unistall them). I need internet from time to time to work and study.
What else can I try to succeed in this and make to 90 days at least once in my life?

 

Embrace the pain!