The point of no return – effortless celibacy

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Paranimmita, Oct 19, 2019.

  1. Paranimmita

    Paranimmita Fapstronaut

    This is by far the most important question I will ask and honest answers would not only help me but for all those who really want to know the answer to a question like this.

    I know that the arbitrary set limit as a bare minimum for abstinence from PMO is 90 days. Also in addition to this, I know a significant number of fapstranauts are engaged in the NoFap rebooting process because they want to let go of their addiction for P and M.

    However, I am convinced that there are those who wish to go the extra mile and reach full celibacy where they would like to reach that state where celibacy can be maintained in an effortless manner without breaking a sweat.

    Provided that this is the ideal, then in terms of days without PMO at the level of body, speech and mind, how many days would you think one would require to reach this point of no return where one can maintain celibacy in an effortless manner where even when one is exposed to triggers they wouldn't feel any urges?

    I am more focused on the thoughts of fapstranauts who are doing NoFap with the intention of reaching this ideal. But I would also like to know the thoughts of others as well.
  2. again

    again Fapstronaut

    I believe that would be about an hour after the heart had stopped beating.
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  3. Angus McGyver

    Angus McGyver Fapstronaut

    When talking about a full reboot to the point where you don't get too triggered and then act compulsively on your urges is most likely a matter of at least a year or two, sometimes even longer, depending on how long (and frequently) you have been enslaved to PMO.
    There are certainly no quick-fix solutions and if you want to live free in mind and spirit from the sex-urges, pressures and triggers that surround you on a daily basis, you got to be voluntarily involved in celibacy for a prolonged period of time (at least a year or two) where you focus on developing yourself first and foremost.
    This is a black-pill too hard to swallow for most men and hence the reason for why they avoid it and never develop themselves to become their best versions. The pressure, urges and pleasure involved in having sex or M is simply too strong; so strong they are not even willing to give it up for a measly year or two of their lives.

    I have been on NoFap hard-mode and in vol-cel for almost 19 months now and this experience has truly changed my life, my life perspectives, my physiognomy, way of thinking, acting, influencing people and also made me regain spiritual interests for other life-philosophies. That spiritual awakening would not have been possible if I didn't give PMO (or any sexual activity) a break for a longer period of time.
  4. Personally I think abstaining from PMO is great, hands down. Im 100% against P. MO, while im also abstaining from that, i place that on a person by person basis. If a person can partake in MO in controllable moderation, I see no problem with that, depending on the persons goals. Preferably no PMO.
    As far as sex goes, I will not be partaking in celibacy. I place healthy sexual relationships in a different category from PMO. I have regular sex and it is not hurting my no PMO streak at all. I personally think celibacy is extreme, except in cases where religious convictions condemn sex, and also in cases where a person is suffering from sex addiction.
    Good luck with your journey and with attaining your goals.
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  5. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

    It's hard to answer because there is no n-number of days answer to your question. Everyone is different. I needed 6 to 7 months of complete celibacy during my current monk streak (having 6-7 months monk streak prior to current one before relapsing in 2018) to reach a stage where I could see explicit material and got no cravings to PMO out of it. But I believe it's not just a number of days in abstention that enabled me to achieve this state of self-control. I find 1-3 hours of daily aerobic exercise in nature, practicing meditation (sati, vipassana - mindfulness basically, Wim Hof breathing) and praying as important as abstention. Maybe self-control is a wrong word, because cravings to view porn or to masturbate are gone at this stage. I still get porn flashbacks occasionally, but I'm able to observe these thoughts like being outside watcher, let them be and let them go without reacting to them. No need to fight them anymore. We can't stop certain thought from being created in our mind but we can analyze it as an objective bystanders and choose our (non)reaction to it. We don't need to be slaves of our own thoughts and emotions.

    Just abstention/celibacy doesn't work in most cases. I can still remember my previous monk streak in 2017/2018 when I thought I just need to be patient, abstain for 3 to 4 months and everything will be OK. Addiction doesn't work this way. I got through acute withdrawal symptoms in 3-4 months, just to experience resurfacing of underlying unresolved issue(s) that led me to (P)MO rabit hole. These issue(s) are causing us emotional stress/tensions/anxiety/pain. PMO is just our drug of choice to escape/numb these unpleasant emotions. You need to identify and start learning mechanisms to address underlying issues you're having once you remove PMO from your life. You'll relapse or develop new addiction if you don't. That is exactly what happened to me. Tensions continued to built up inside me until it was too much to handle and I relapsed 3 months later. It was not the cravings for porn or the need to masturbate that got me, it was the inner pain I couldn't handle anymore and needed to numb again. That's when I realized just abstention is not the answer and started to focus on addressing depression/anxiety alongside of practicing abstention. I truly believe most addicts if not all suffer from wounded mind and soul, not from their drug of choice. Once you cure your mind/soul need to self-medicate inner pain with your drug of choice disappears. That's why there is no n-days answer.
    Last edited: Oct 19, 2019
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  6. Paranimmita

    Paranimmita Fapstronaut

    Thank you for these answers.
    As for me, I have been watching porn habitually since I was 17 (my first exposure was when I was 14 when my cousin showed some clips to me, and later I also did inadvertently stumble upon provocative images till 17). There were times in my past when where certain aspects of about myself did tick some of the boxes for the criteria of addiction even though I was never an addict (and not in the clinical sense). Before I even knew about NoFap I tried to sort this out by engaging in P without the MO thinking that I would disconnect the link between P and MO. I went on this for 28 days and it was a big failure.

    It's just that my main motive for starting the streak this time is to maintain celibacy in an effortless manner, in such a way that even if someone was to show me the most tempting type of porn I wouldn't feel anything. Given my history, this may seem like climbing from the depths of the sea all the way to the tip of Mount Everest. However, I made a firm determination before I started my NoFap this time, that this will be the last time I will be doing NoFap and never again and no matter how high the goal is that I will not look back.

    I can appreciate there is no n-number of days, but I've come to realize one this - that 90 days is nowhere near sufficient to establish full perfect effortless celibacy.

    I take it that it will take me 2 years (perhaps even more) from what Angus was saying.

    As for acute withdrawal and flatlining, I havnt experienced these yet and they will arise at some point as expected.

    But if I am hoping to stay lifelong celibate then the number of days probably won't even matter anyway because it is not like I will be hoping to come off it but only to realize that at one critical point in time that I will no longer be subject to temptation.

    One of the things I do hope is that my sexual preference does not get directed in a different direction. No disrespect intended to alternative forms of sexuality, but I myself prefer not to go down those roads.
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