The Porn Goddess

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ZenAF, May 2, 2019.

  1. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Walakumasalam,

    Of couse brother. I just did for you too
     
  2. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I've always thought of porn stars kind of like today's "sirens" from Greek mythology. The sirens were beautiful creatures who would sing their "siren's song" and lure sailors to their land, where they'd shipwreck and perish.

    Also kind of reminds me of that scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark, when the beautiful angel suddenly turns into a terrifying demon.



    Interesting story--in Homer's giant, epic poem "The Odyssey", Odyesseus tells his men to plug their ears with beeswax, so they cannot hear the sirens. But he wants to know what they're singing--so he has them tie him to the mast of the boat, with strict instructions not to untie him, no matter how much he pleads to be released. (see artist's depiction below)

    This reminds me a lot of our own struggles. We have to take preventative measures if we have any chance of beating this addiction. We need to use filters. We need accountability. We need to restrain ourselves (figuratively or otherwise) so we don't give into compulsions that will eventually take away everything of value in our lives.

    [​IMG]
     
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  3. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    Personally I can relate with what you're saying yet find it easier to worship no thing. I find my peace in self-control and the lack of that leads me to chaos. No religion or BS required, it's very simple. I find meditation and fasting to be very helpful in facilitating the desired change in myself. I am all I need, the guru is within and the religion is what I believe.
     
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  4. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    Now I want to know what the siren's are singing... nice post I agree
     
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  5. diep

    diep Fapstronaut

    I agree with that. Never underestimate the enemy (porn). Its nature is very addictive. Brain may tell us to try porn just one time or just for a few minutes so it would relieve the stress or pressure in real life. Don't believe in the urge and temptation come from porn. We need to resist that and fight back. This is a war.
     
  6. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for the praise. Again I don't take credit for most of this. Great men have worked for decades to crystallize the knowledge which I've used in this thread.

    Feel free to message me if you have questions.
     
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  7. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your insightful and helpful post. This is one of the few posts that I felt like that help any individual to understand better himself. Unlke other post where they just want you to cut cold turkey, this post truly shares the struggle and reason in a language that porn addict can relate. This needs to be pinned. Thank you.
     
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  8. Anubis Rises

    Anubis Rises Fapstronaut

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    so your saying stop surrendering self to this dark goddess ,just like religions use fear to get then to follow them, the goddess uses lust, yes i see it now, like if i choose not to beleive in god an walk away from one of the religions and look past the belief you well burn in hell, i tell myself an tell the porn goddess i worship her no more an walk away from the lust she tries set upon me
     
  9. Anubis Rises

    Anubis Rises Fapstronaut

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    im aware of the divine synchronicity that works around us ,for us always, i was on a 30 day nofap last night i surrendered myself to the goddess last night then again this morning, i came back to nofap fourum an instantly found your thread ,im grateful for your helping hand back up brother
     
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  10. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    It's good you logged into NoFap when you relapsed. It means that you haven't given up. We are all in this together! We will get through this horrible addiction!
     
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  11. bigboibez

    bigboibez Fapstronaut

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    Great post man.
    You're absolutely right that we hold porn on a massive pedestal.
    I know that I fear porn. just because of the number of times I put myself through torture to try and quit PMO and failed. I hate it, and I hated myself for it.
    And You're right about the worship. When I get urges it is usually certain stars or scenes that I have linked to massive pleasure. I am in love with the feeling that these scenes and girls give me.
    But deep down I know it is killing me. I have never felt so lonely, isolated and depressed as I have now. porn is constantly on my mind. While I consciously desperately want to quit, another part of me feels like I am giving up something. Infact It feels like I am forgoing the only thing I enjoy.

    I have read guides and books about quitting porn with mixed results. I know that beating yourself up after a relapse isn't helpful at all. But advice that says - just make a vow you will never watch porn again- strikes the fear of death into me.

    I think my dependence on porn has stemmed from a lack of purpose. I consciously think about historical battles which I would fantasize about being a part of- as I could actually have a purpose. I would wish for a natural disaster or some zombie apocalypse as it would give me purpose and enjoyment without the utter regret and disappointment that comes with PMO.
    That's why this summer I am going internet free. all my devices are gone and I will have no access to PMO or the internet. I will create new habits instead of the ones I currently have, and seek out my purpose before I start full time work in September. And on this journey I will fully attempt to dispel all my beliefs about porn.

    It is easy enough to say 'just quit porn' or 'be certain about it', but these have never worked. I have always had that as an idea but never truly believed it. And as you said, it's because I hold porn on a pedestal. It is so clear to me now. back in the days where I used it recreationally, maybe like 5-10mins a day or so, I never thought about porn. ever. I wasn't even addicted. since trying to stop, I have given massive power to it because of relapse, failure, fear and isolation/pleasure. that is why nofap was so easy back in the day. because I didn't hold porn sacred. It was even boring to me.

    thanks for the post man. may we all find a way.
     
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  12. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    Stay strong and stay focused brotha. We can and will fight this beast of a goddess to her death or die trying. This is not a game and we are all under her beautiful spell. Fight with all you can muster and you will win. The enemy is within and it's the greates one you can ever face. -Much love
     
  13. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    I absolutely adore J.W.Waterhouses work man, one of my favorite artists. And this is a well chosen image to illustrate temptation.

    But I disagree on Odysseus methodology here. I mean it might make sense for the story, but translated into our reality that would mean to endorse porn blockers (the ropes that hold you to the mast) and I don't do that.
    Because the solution lies in understanding your power of free will and recognizing all the heroic parts inside you. The good. And through your free will you actively choose to ignore the demons within and instead nourish the hero. The hero doesn't care about porn, only your lust disguised as a slave does.
    Your mind is like a garden and your attention is water and sunlight. Nourish the plants that you want to have for the rest of your life and they will drain the nutrients from the others.

    When we use blockers we send a subconscious message to ourselves that reminds us everyday that we don't trust ourselves. That there's something within that can overpower us at any moment. But the only way forward is to recognize your own power over yourself.

    So when Odysseus tied himself to the ship and resisted the Harpies he would always stay in doubt, whether he would have been able to resist without the ties. Just like everyone here who uses porn blockers never knows whether they're actually curing their attachment to pornography or whether the only reason they're not relapsing is because of the blockers.




    If you were to look at porn right now your lust would perk up and start playing pretend. Pretend that the video's are a "real experience", pretend that the attraction is too strong and needs to be followed, pretend that it's going to be amazing and while you go through these feelings/intuitions your cock starts to get hard. Then your cock starts to get really hard, because maybe you haven't watched porn in a while and you know it's super naughty to do it and that makes it even better. And at this point your lust is yelling at you to start masturbating. And you, especially if you have relapsed before, will start to do a cost/benefit analysis. You weigh your arousal against the probability that you can get away with it ONE MORE TIME. And because we all terribly suck at calculating the complex forms in which this ONE TIME will damage us in the future, it's usually a win for your lust. And you relapse.

    But.

    What's important to note is that we've conditioned ourselves to let our arousal talk while we look at porn. Which makes sense, but in fact you can look at porn and let the more reasonable sides of you comment. All you have to do is give them your attention. And they will diss porn, because it's a shit product and they don't believe in the goddess like your lust does. But of course your lust won't just shut up, it will keep calling for your attention and because you know how good your lust can make you feel, if you're like me, you'll give your lust some attention just to see how hard you would get if you were to give in. But then you remember you want to quit and you listen to the other voices again and the tug of war begins. I'm sure most of you have experienced this this far.

    However there comes a point during such a conflict where it becomes undeniable that you choose to let your lust win. It's not that the urge is too strong, it's that you think you can get away with it just one more time! But you can't! You can't get away with it! Our future is filled with millions of potential lives. And when you give in and masturbate you forever close the door on one of these potential lives in which you heal from your addiction "early". And it might just have been one of the best lives you could have had.
    I'm aware that this argument has limited reach because there's a lot of other potential lives worth living, but just understand that you do lose something real and highly valuable that you can never get back every time you relapse.

    While we have this tug of war in our head our lust gives us the illusion of suffering if we don't let it win. It makes us feel bad to resist. But it's just an illusion, this sensation of suffering is only created because we, again, choose to sit in this framework where we think we can't ever deny the goddess. We don't feel bad resisting, we think we should feel bad. When in fact you can just as easily choose to relax. Just relax. Your lust yelling, your conscientiousness yelling, your brain is a muscle and it's tense. Relax it. Let go. And then, refocus! The porn is still playing. You feel your lust perks up again. Will you listen to again? It will say the same shit every time, the porn looks, does and wants the same shit every time, but you're TIRED OF THIS SHIT remember? This time you turn off the porn, not because you've "resisted" or because your blocker didn't even let you look at it in the first place, or because you want to distract yourself with a cold shower, no this time you turn it off because you embody your hero and you simply don't want it.
     
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  14. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    @bigboibez It's good that you recognize the fear. That will stop you from bullshitting yourself. That's what I mean by destroying the illusion. You open the curtain in the crystal castle and you see the magician pulling the levers. You're not faced with unbeatable urges. You're faced with a relationship that you don't want to break because you value it so highly. You want to stay with porn, that's why you don't quit. Not because you can't.

    You will never break it up until you really compare what you lose when you don't let it go on the one hand with the quick thrill of PMO on the other. And that comparison is difficult. Because imagining your future wife leaving you for another man because you can't get it up doesn't feel nice, imagining the tears and confusion in your little daughters face as she sees her mom moving out and realizing it's all just because you wanted to stroke to some ass. One, two, three thousand times. It's not fun to imagine that stuff but it's real potential.

    There is no single technique or frame of mind that will get us out of this shit for good. There just isn't. Everything I've written can fail. It's not fool-proof. It all depends on whether you're actually tired of waiting to see your brandnew porn-free life or whether you think you can bare it to wait another couple years.
     
  15. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    Never thought of it this way, thanks for your input man.
     
  16. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I hear this philosophy on occasion--"I don't use blockers because they're a crutch. The real blocker needs to be within my own mind." I agree that the mind is the battlefield. But I reject the idea that filters and blockers are a crutch.

    For the vast majority of addicts, filters are a must. Look, if you're an addict--meaning you act compulsively and use PMO even when you don't really want to, and even though it causes you negative consequences in your life--you need some kind of way to lock yourself out of it. I currently have an iPhone that is locked down like Fort Knox. You can't view porn on it, no matter how hard you try. I can't begin to express how helpful that's been in my recovery. You may say "well, that's just because you don't trust yourself." Damn right--I'm an addict, so why would I trust myself? I know all too well what "myself" is capable of if I'm not in check.

    So, I'm a huge fan of blockers and filters. If any of you have an iPhone and want to know how to properly lock it down, send me a note and I'll share.
     
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  17. stoneyman22

    stoneyman22 Fapstronaut

    seems kinda funny to me, if you don't trust yourself then why would you trust your decision to make a recovery? Maybe that's the enemy and you're trusting the wrong you.. maybe there's many "you's" that are all acting differently based on how you feel..
     
  18. Tryingto

    Tryingto Fapstronaut

    I'm with @SuperFan in defending the role filters can play in recovery for some of us. And, at the very same time, I am more than happy to label them a 'crutch'. As an addict, my mind is dysfunctional. Among other things, this is what addiction does: it skews the way one's mind works.

    The reason I read books and attend meetings, talk to a sponsor and come here is - again among other things - to support my skewy mind as it get's clean. In other words, these are all much needed and much appreciated crutches I use until the natural clarity and wisdom of my mind is restored to working order. Same with filters. Exactly the same.

    And personally, I deeply appreciate all these crutches, each and every one.
     
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  19. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    @Tryingto @SuperFan

    I can understand well that it feels very liberating to have blockers installed especially after seeing yourself relapse a couple times and becoming scared that you can't fix this. I've used blockers myself on three devices for almost half a year. But they didn't help me advance in quitting porn. They were a quick short-term solution for a large problem.
    The thing is I know you guys want to live with blockers for a probably undefined amount of time and hope that your brain will "heal" in the process. But once these blockers are gone your brain will know that it's back in this very familiar situation. And you're back to square one. Or maybe square 2, but definitely not square 225.

    Of course you can make the decision to have blockers for the rest of your life. But triggers are everywhere. You can't watch modern TV shows, you get nervous when you stand next to an underwear ad in the mall, because it's all content that you told yourself you can't handle.

    I've argued about this many times on this forum and I would say the majority of people is on your side and likes blockers. But I hold my position. I want to be capable to have full control in how I react to eroticism in my life period. I don't want artificial help because I know I have all the tools inbuilt to succeed. And I argue that in the long-term, my approach is safer.
     
  20. Truedjinn

    Truedjinn Fapstronaut

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    Why? Why do you want this right now? What exactly do you want out of it?" will start to devalue porn and it will take a lower and lower place in your lusts hierarchy. Because the true nature of porn, if seen clearly, is not valuable compared to a real sexual relationship with another human being.

    This hit me the most st in your whole post.... We need to devalue it's nature.

    Thanks for such inspiration.
     
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