The Porn Goddess

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by ZenAF, May 2, 2019.

  1. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    So first off, my 150 days refers to not masturbating to porn. I have peeked at porn during this time tho. I just started a separate streak 7 days ago where I also stop looking, which for some reason is a lot harder.
    I'm still proud of the 150 days tho, because back in the day I used to relapse when I just look at it, just like most people around here I think. Also the amount of times I would look at porn drastically reduced from 3 times a day a year ago to once a week during this streak. The amount of time I would spend on the pornsites went from an hour down to 4 minutes.

    Anyway the secret is, as far as I can tell, a no-tolerance mindset. At the beginning of my streak I told myself I would allow every impulse to look at porn, but that once and for all I would stop masturbating to it. No games. No what-if's. Nothing. I didn't give myself relapse as an option. It just became out of question. I told myself that I would do that for 75 days and then would also stop looking. To make it step by step.
    But after those 75 days passed I didn't manage to consistently not look at porn. I would still take a peek now and then, because the addicted part of me was still full of hope that I could get back to the old times, when I could just sit back and enjoy some PMO.

    Yesterday I had this moment when I felt down and pressured again. You know that knot inside your gut and when you investigate it you find out it's about porn? And I asked myself why I had that and I realized it's because a part of my mind was still waiting for a situation when I could take a look at porn again. Maybe when I'm stoned and feel down late at night or something. And so I quenched that part. I made myself realize that there is no way that I can get back to the old times. That never again I could enjoy porn the way I used to enjoy it because I know too much about it now. I can't unlearn that. Never again in my life will I be able to watch porn without feeling guilty, that part of my life is gone for good. So there's really no point in trying to get it back. And after I've accepted that the feeling in my gut was gone.

    So I think the most crucial part is to achieve that level of seriousness where you say enough is enough.

    The last time I took a peek, which was a week ago, I was already on a streak of not looking but obviously not serious yet, I was so down and angry afterwards I cut myself in the arm with my knife. I know that's stupid. But porn is poison for my aspirations and my aspirations cut me to show me that this isn't a game that I can restart over and over again. Just to be clear: I don't recommend anybody hurting themselves!! I didn't cut myself seriously either, just enough to make a mark and make myself understand.

    I would also say, next to seriousness, that honesty is very important. If you're really honest with yourself you can detect if there's still a part inside of you that's just waiting for the next opportunity to relapse. That part needs to go.
     
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  2. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    That's really interesting. I never understood how anyone could watch porn and not masturbate. It would drive me crazy if I did that :confused:

    You shouldn't hurt yourself like that when you are failing. Cutting yourself will only make things worse. Show yourself love. When you relapse say "I slipped" and get back on track.

    Good luck going forward! Use the same mindset you had to not masturbate to porn and apply it to not looking at it. It's the mindset of curing any addiction. You got this!
     
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  3. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    I partly did it to modify the way I see porn. I wanted to show myself that I am not compelled to masturbate just because I watch porn, but that I have free will and can decide to not even get aroused.
    But I still kept going back to look at it, it kept a part of my addiction alive and that part needs to go too.
    I agree with the first part. It was immature of me. But at the same time I know just saying "I slipped" doesn't work at all for me. There's no such thing as slipping. We either have "secret" goals (of watching porn) that we choose to be ignorant of, or we don't. There's always intent behind a relapse. And when you say "you slipped" you're just dodging the real issue. Like telling yourself you were attempting to do a pull-up but you weren't strong enough, but that's not how this works.
    It's about remembering the seriousness. Don't even give an inch. I now don't even allow myself to fantasies about relapsing, which I used to do before.
    Thank you! You too! ;)
     
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  4. The question for me is: why did I click promptly on a thread named The Porn Goddess, right after the log in ?!?
    ... :D:D:Do_O:(:confused::mad:

    On a serious note. I have to read the OP. It seems very interesting but I seem to be too tired right now for the whole text. Well now the thread is in my Alert-list. Good.
     
  5. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Well it's good that you trained your self discipline. I just hoped this method didn't further contribute to your porn addiction.

    However, I don't think you can completely control your arousal. It is a natural part of being a human. Somethings just turn us on, that's just how it is. Best that we get turned on by women and intimacy not a video of sex or some weird stuff

    I guess different things work for different people
     
  6. newman97

    newman97 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah for me viewing porn at all is out of the question. If I'd ever start snooping around on the web it'd always lead to a relapse.
    I agree with you on the seriousness aspect. You have to be serious when trying to break a habit as addicting as porn. It's no joke. For me it's about 8 years of porn exposure (to some extent) that I'm trying to escape from. It won't be quick, and so far it hasn't been easy.
    Honesty is important too. Whenever I think about my old ways I tell myself that it's NOT going to happen again, as I ALWAYS feel empty inside after masturbating to porn. I've also cut out fantasizing about watching porn, which has added another layer in preventing me from caving in again.
    I know where you are coming from with the knife incident. I've felt that way before too. I think that leaving a mark creates a tangible reminder that says hey, this is a serious situation, don't go down this route or you'll pay the consequences. My memento that keeps me on track is the cross I wear on my neck. When I feel an urge to watch porn, I look at my cross. I try to make a decision that would make my family, friends, and future wife and kids proud of who I'm trying to be, from this point forward.
    We can't eliminate the existence of porn, but we all have the choice of whether or not we'll succumb to it's enticing yet firm grip.
    Thanks for sharing this Zen, I was looking forward to reading it.
    -Newman
     
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  7. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    This is definitely true for me too. Not sure how anyone could watch porn and not masturbate. But it looks like @ZenAF is capable of doing it. So maybe different people have different techniques to recover. As long as we all get there though then it's all good
     
  8. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    very good post....so the idea is to watch ourselves when we are bombarded with urges....to dig deep within ourselves and ask ourselves why are we wanting to PMO. Ive heard sth similar from a monk on youtube, i think its a powerful and effective technique. Thanks for that!
     
  9. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    What makes you different from an animal?
    You both perceive the world and react to it. You both have a variety of objectives in life.
    The difference is when an animal gets triggered by something it is forced to activate a corresponding behavioral pattern.
    You on the other hand are faced with something incredibly peculiar when you're triggered: a choice.

    Of course there's habit. But all that habit does is make the choice you have unapparent. You will never be robbed of your free will (unless someone in Colombia blows Datura powder in your face.. that shit is creepy af).
    You're on day 0 right now, so don't take this as an insult but I think you're at a stage where it's likely that you're going to see porn again sometime soon. When you see it start to make yourself aware of your choice again. Just feel it. How every fiber inside you is screaming to take out your dick and start stroking but it's waiting for something. It's waiting for you to allow it! And just notice how nothing happens until you actually decide. Yes I'll give in. Or no, this time I won't.
     
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  10. Pure Taste

    Pure Taste Fapstronaut

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    Dirty rhymes, go with dirty drugs.
    There was a time, I felt blurry stuck.
    It was dark and of course it was rough.
    The unprotected roots of my past.
    .
    I´m not begging you to suffer with me.
    Just mean, that we all look for this key.
    Back in the day, the dreams were clear.
    Let´s meet ourselves again in this sphere.
     
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  11. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    There's a lot of way people are different from animals. We have our intellect, and we can control ourselves better.

    That's true. And that's what gives me hope in the NoFap. We are people. We have self control and morals.

    I recently went 5 weeks without porn or masturbation. The moment I had watched porn I caved in and masturbated. I've been binging a lot since.

    However I only relapsed at first because I had a pain in my penis hole and thought masturbation would cure it (which it did). You can read about it here https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...on-stopped-my-penis-hole-from-burning.236036/ . The point is that I see no reason to look up porn then try to control my urge top stroke. Better off avoiding it all together.

    It is likely for someone on day 0 to relapse again in the near future. It is also possible that this will be the start of a great streak. I have personal reasons to think the latter will be true for reasons that I won't get into, but only time will tell.
     
  12. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Nice poem
     
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  13. Pure Taste

    Pure Taste Fapstronaut

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    Thank you
     
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  14. ZenAF

    ZenAF Fapstronaut

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    Of course, I didn't suggest that you have to look up porn. I meant to say that if it happens, work with it, learn from it, don't just let it slide by as another relapse.
     
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  15. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Yea that makes sense. Better to watch it and shut it off quick than to watch it and beat my meat for 3 hours
     
  16. Pure Taste

    Pure Taste Fapstronaut

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    Right, while doing it, you have to do it with conciousness. Put the focus mostly on yourself and understand, what you really feel to need. Maybe you´ll see how your mindset iS blocking you from freedom. You´ll see where this desire is comming from. And maybe, you will just shut off the computer and sit there, thinking: Well, this is not pushing me in any unseful way. I can spend my energy in something real now. People can feel me now. I have an Impact on this world. My mind is complex but very beautiful and individual. Everybody can be a dirtbag. Please do.... Just let us do it together and in a healthy way. Communication for the win!
     
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  17. newman97

    newman97 Fapstronaut

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    Great post. I agree with your point on communication and self awareness. Talking about how things are going and feeling is really what's helping me to make this streak last, and I assume others as well.
     

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