The power of commitment

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Foxhole, Aug 3, 2018.

  1. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Hi guys. Today I want to share with you something really important to me. It's just not about porn and fapping, but i believe it's really crucial part of reboot.

    So what I know about commitments? Well im maybe the worst person in the world to tell you about commitments. I was afraid of them almost whole my life. I never wanted to have a kids, i never wanted to get married i even hate to choose between mayonnaise and ketchup. If there was an event i should sign to I rather stay home than promise something i should keep...

    I guess some of you feel somehow similar abour commitments, right? But i tell you one thing - this fear of commitments crippled me for large part of my life. I didn't do anything that matters because i was afraid. I was afraid i'll do some wrong choices so i rather do not live at all.

    My fear of commitments was something that keep me PMO. How is that possible? Even if i did not realize I really have a problem, sometimes (very rarely) i feel i do something i don't want to. I developed some disgusting fetishes i did not want to. But did i choose to quit? Well maybe for week, or month... But for good? Are you kidding me? What if I'll miss it? What if this kink is who i really am? What if i'll feel miserable for quitting this disgusting habit?

    Nope. I would better wank my dick off than change my life. My GF keep telling me i should quit and how im hurting myself (in a kind and supportive way) but i didnt want to listen to her. I was too afraid i'll do bad decision that i did not realize i already did the worst decision at all. To ruin my life with PMO.

    So what changed? In that time i was dating this girl. I was dating her for 8 years or so and i was really afraid to propose to her. Only think about marriage and kids freaked me out. Everyone asked us when we'll get married. And we grow older and older and our relationship stagnated. I was stuck. We already lived together, had somehow satisfying love life (at least as satisfying as it can be for porn addict), but i refused to move on.

    And then i realise that if i dont do it, our relationship will break up, or we'll live together as two empty unhappy people. So I decided to do the step. I was scared as shit, but i ordered custom made ring just for her, travel to some special place with her and propose to her. But it was not the moment when she said "yes" that changed my life. What changed my life for good was the decision itself. The one big step into a darkness.

    It was so liberating and it felt so good. I was in charge of my life again. Maybe it was the wrong decision (imsure it was not), but it returns me to life from death.

    And i did the same thing when i decided to quit porn. I wasn't think about it as "trying", or quitting for limited period of time. I considered this habit really thoroughly and i decided to quit for good. With no exceptions, excuses, escape exits. I decided not to PMO again. Period. And even if i still struggle with it and feel urges all the time i keep in mind this decision. And its not scary. It is liberating, because i know i wont do it again, i wont fall into this trap of selfpittiness and anxiety. It may be hard but it feels so great.

    And yeah, she said yes and we'll get married next week. And im really excited about it. Wish us luck, guys.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2018
  2. selfimprovement8008

    selfimprovement8008 Fapstronaut

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    God bless you guys and congrats.
     
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  3. backlashx

    backlashx Fapstronaut

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    What a wonderful Journey you've been on my friend! First of all congratulations on your engagement. The fact that you overcame your fear of proposing Her and actually did it shows me that how strong you are emotionally that you did not let this opportunity slide away and blame it on the addiction itself. We have to overcome our inner voice that keeps telling us that we're not capable enough to face challenges and be in control of ourselves if we wish to succeed in this world. I really wish both of you the best that now both of you are in this together with that bond of marriage. Keep striving for small positive habits and you'll see the results of your struggle very soon. Take care!
     
  4. knekoo

    knekoo Fapstronaut

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    Good luck for your married bro :)
     
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  5. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the advices and encouragement. All the best to you too.
     
  6. Springjim2000

    Springjim2000 Fapstronaut

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    This is a really good post.

    Commitment, for us men, is a big one.
    It quite possible when we are younger to have many rewards in life without signing up to commitments or responsibilities. But as life goes on we see that that is not sustainable. We become restless, we feel left behind, we feel we are not becoming the best versions of ourselves.

    Procrastination in making the commitment is a obvious ‘maybe yes - maybe no’ tactic to the awesome responsibilty of big commitments such as marriage, kids, job promotion , caring for our elders.

    And a permamament residency in PMO land is the best (and worst) place to place to reside in act out this procrastination.

    Well done indeed for grappling with two big decisions. Seriously, well done indeed. The liberation feeling is the growth into a proper man you have become (this is what Jordan Pieterson often talks about)

    Importantly, Never Regret your decisions.
    You made them in good faith for positive reasons. There will be tough times when you doubt, but keeping going forward.

    In my life, my biggest mistakes and Messes have been caused by trying to reverse a good decision made earlier, for whatever reason.

    Bon chance to you both and God bless.
     
  7. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply. Its pretty wise.
     
  8. goodnice

    goodnice Fapstronaut

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    Wow bro that is sooooo awesome! I'm happy for you. God bless you, you made the right decisions to propose and quit PMO. Love this post
     
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  9. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    Godspeed, brother! I am happy for you! What an awesome story!
     
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  10. Uncomfortably Numb

    Uncomfortably Numb Fapstronaut

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    Good luck but stay vigilant
     
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  11. First of all thanks for sharing !! I admire your determination to going against that little voice which brings us down from time to time ! That itself shows you're a strong person!! Kudos to you & congrats to both of you !! May you both live a happy, peaceful & a prosperous life :)
     
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  12. CarrM

    CarrM Fapstronaut

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    This is awesome
     
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  13. SomeRandomNatty

    SomeRandomNatty Fapstronaut

    Good job Foxhole, very impressive! Very inspiring, I need to be more commited about this.
     
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  14. SomeRandomNatty

    SomeRandomNatty Fapstronaut

    what he said
     
  15. Very good, man. Best wishes to you in your upcoming marriage.

    I understand your quote above. I don't delude myself into believing that there is not hard work still to come. And yes, I get tempted. However, I also have been a major procrastinator. That being said, sometimes you just have to draw the line. So for me, even though I will never proclaim my freedom from this addiction, I will say that my commitment is real. I have sat on the fence about this, even when I was theoretically working to be clean of PM. The key for me this time, however, is getting that there is no end point. No point at which i can say "It is done! I am healed!" Because I not only have done that, I continually craved that. I so WANTED to be free. I have finally said "forget it, that is a bogus concept that, enticing as it is, leads me to relapse every time."
    Now I know I have to do what it takes, every day, every hour, every five minutes. I seem to have awakened a pat of me gets it. If I want to live a PM free life, then I have certain responsibilities that must be kept. Period. Don't meet these responsibilities, the consequence is back to PM. I am not going back.
     
  16. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    I will, thanks.
     
  17. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    It's so true! Same as alcoholics - we are just one step away from addiction. We can manage to live good and meaningful life, but we still have to be vigilant. The longer i stay clean the easier it is to resist the urges and today it seems to be just a bad dream for me. But I know, that the minute i slip i'll fall back to it again.

    Good luck on your journey and wish you all the best, pal.
     
    Determined_to_Succeed likes this.
  18. Jazzmusician

    Jazzmusician Fapstronaut

    That's one of the most exciting stories I have read here so far. You are not the kid any more who follows the decision of others. From now on you are taking respinsibility for good or for bad in your own hands. My heart full best wishes for you and your new partner in life!
     
    Foxhole likes this.
  19. Tonytone

    Tonytone Fapstronaut

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    Awesome, brother!! Congratulations!
     
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