The very first post I saw on the internet (20 years ago) that helped me to recognize and understand my problem. Let me share it here. -- The problem Many of us felt short, inferior, lonely and anxious. Our inner life never corresponded with what we saw on the outside with others. As a child we already had the feeling of not belonging to it, to be separated - from parents peers and ourselves. Then we pulled ourselves off by fantasizing and ourselves to satisfy. We filled ourselves by sucking up pictures and performances and the to chase objects of our fantasies. Lustfully, we coveted and wanted voluptuousness we are wanted. We became real addicts: sex with ourselves, with often changing sex partners, adultery dependency relationships and even more fantasies. We took it through our eyes, we bought it, we sold it, we traded it and we gave it away. We were addicted to the intrigue, the stimulating, the forbidden. The only way to free us from it was to do it. "Please, make contact with me and make me whóle!", We screamed with outstretched arms. By chasing the Big Kick eagerly, we gave away our power to others (!!) The result was: guilt, self-hatred, remorse, emptiness and pain and we became increasingly driven deeper into ourselves, away from reality, away from love, lost within in ourselves. Our custom made real intimacy impossible. We could never have real community with one know another because we were addicted to the false (!). We sought refuge to the "chemistry", the enchanting contact, BECAUSE it circumvented intimacy and true unification. Our fantasy spoiled reality, our lust killed love. While we first became addicted and then reduced our ability to love, we took from others to fill in what was missing in ourselves. Because we always reminded ourselves that the next would save us, we were in reality is losing our lives.